Tag Archives: character

how I write… a blog hop

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So… I accepted an invitation to try something new – a blog hop! One of the best things about blogging is meeting and interacting with new people and this blog hop is an example of that…

vivian (2)An inspiring lady, impressive writer, and new-and-growing-deeper friend, Vivan Mabuni, introduced me to the idea. She has recently published her first book, Warrior in Pink, about her cancer battle. She is authentic and passionate and wise. You will want to read more from her!

For this blog hop, each person answers the four questions below for their readers about how they write, so here we go….

1) What am I writing or working on? 

I write posts on life and leadership. Sometimes work themes have the most influence on my thoughts and writing, sometimes M.A. studies trigger my brain; sometimes my personal life circumstances are what weigh most heavily. Many times topics are interwoven, because they are equally affected by character and growth. No matter what the context, those areas are important – hence my blog title “Maturitas Cafe”… maturitas means maturity in Latin. (I also like to add a post about coffee now and then!)

2) How does my work differ from others of its genre? 

I think that my experience of almost 20 years living in another country gives me a unique perspective on much of life. I have also traveled to many parts of the world, led in a multi-national organization, raised four children, been married for almost 30 years, and believe that my faith is integral to it all. I love the interaction of many ideas and points of view, and I want leaders from all walks of life to feel welcome in the community here.

3) Why do I write what I do? 

I verbally process my ideas, and my husband encouraged me to start a blog. I have since recognized that when I write, I connect with the life ideas, struggles, challenges, and joys of many others. I do not intentionally teach on my blog, because I am also learning. I do not lecture, because I am often writing from my pain or failures. And I do not preach, because we are all on the faith journey at our own pace. I do love to hear that I have encouraged someone or given them hope or that they are going to try a new idea. I write because it helps me – and others – learn and grow.

4) How does my writing process work?

I do not consider myself a “writer”, but I do understand “writer’s block”. Actually my block is usually my busyness. I write when I have time to think and process… and I feel inspired with an idea. Occasionally, I force myself to write something for the discipline of having a weekly post. I write after I have ranted on about something to my husband, and he says, “You could write a post about that”. I write when I have a new resource to share. When I sit down to write, I usually write fast and furiously, so I don’t lose the idea. Then, I often ask my husband to check it before I post, so I don’t say something I will regret later! 🙂

So now you know a bit more about me and my blog… maybe you will decide to start a blog sometime! I hope you will continue to visit and read and comment. That is a great encouragement to me!

The last step of the blog-hop is to pass the baton on to others… so I have the great privilege of introducing you to three more writers that I think you will enjoy. They will answer these same questions next week. Stop over to their blogs and say hello! 

dayle (2)Dayle Rogers is a gifted writer. She is vulnerable, honest, and hilarious at her blog, Tip of the Iceberg! She says of herself, “I’m a true foreigner in this world, a storyteller trying to make sense of the journey I’m on. I’m a Jesus follower, a passionate participant in the life I’ve been given, always looking for how the eternal impacts my temporal. Everyday life fascinates me because there is always more there than what I can see. And I want to learn to better celebrate what crosses my path daily. I’m a wife, mom, nana, sister, friend, daughter and aunt. Laughter makes sense to me because all of these relationships provide so much of it. I’ve been told I’ve got many words, so writing is a means to let some of them go.”

ilonaI have never met Ilona Hadinger personally. We became special on-line friends through our love of the Lord, writing, and living in Mexico. Ilona is a magnificant artist with words and photography and she shares them both on her blog: Calling and Creativity. She describes herself this way: “Wife, mom, missionary. In that order. An American born with Hungarian blood living in a Zapotec village in Mexico, I have four kids, one husband, a lot of interests and a few gray hairs. I blog at http://www.ikhadinger.com. I’m also a member of the Redbud Writers Guild (www.redbudwritersguild.com) and a Founding Member of LACWriters Guild (www.lacwriters.com).”

Julie Sanders (2)I met Julie Sanders last year. She impressed me right away with her quick smile, full laughter, and sensitive spirit. She writes with her whole heart. Julie describes herself as “a wife, mother, daughter, friend, and friend of Jesus. She loves good food, a good book, and talking with good friends late into the night. She admits that she’s a huge fan of her husband and her three boys. Her house is filled with their music, legos, books, and artwork. So, if you ever stop by, you’re liable to experience all of it.” You can connect with Julie on her blog Along The Way or on Facebook.

life story inspiration

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Starbucks coffeeStarbucks is my coffee of choice. I always order the same thing – a “grande” house blend, bold, with no room for cream. Every now and then, I accompany my coffee with a healthy oatmeal or a not-so-healthy cinnamon scone. I enjoy the community atmosphere, the comfortable seating for reading or study, and becoming a “regular” when I frequent the same Starbucks for any length of time. I especially like feeling “known” when the barista begins to pour my personal choice before I even reach the counter.

Given my affection for the coffee, I was excited to read about the Starbucks story in a book about authentic leadership¹. A man named Howard Schultz created the Starbucks atmosphere we know today. Schultz wanted to offer a coffee-house with the community feel he had experienced in the espresso bars he visited in Milan, Italy.

“The reservoir of all my life experiences
shaped me as a person and a leader.”
                                              ~Howard Schultz

In addition to community, Schultz integrated other life values into the Starbucks culture. Schultz was born in 1957, and he grew up in Brooklyn, New York, living in the Bayview Housing Projects. As the son of a blue-collar delivery truck driver and a stay-at-home mom, finances were always tight, especially after his dad injured his ankle and lost his job and their health insurance. There was no workman’s compensation in those days, and an injured driver was useless and dispensable.

Those years of struggle etched deeply in Schultz’s memory and compelled Schultz’s vision to lead a company that valued and respected the staff and offered higher pay, stock options, and health care benefits even to part-time employees.

Schultz’s story built his character. From his mother, Schultz heard many times that he could do anything he wanted. When Schultz saw his father’s lack of success and accompanying bitterness, Schultz developed a fear failure and self defeat, and became driven to achieve and succeed.

“You must have the courage
to follow an unconventional path.”
                                        ~Howard Schultz

Over the years, Schultz intentionally “re-framed” his opinion of his father and chose to emulate his father’s integrity, work ethic and commitment to family. Schultz learned to appreciate his story of family hardship as the source of his values and his motivations, and to this day Schultz remembers his humble beginnings and intentionally integrates his story into his leadership and his company.

I am learning to “re-frame” many of my life experiences too; letting go of hurts and bitterness and choosing to emphasize and apply the positive character traits that I gained as a result of struggle and hard times.

Whenever I drink my coffee now, I try to remember how my life story can inspire my leadership.

What experiences from your life story inspire you?

___________

¹More details of this story (and others) are found in the excellent book, True North: Discover Your Authentic Leadership by Bill George.

fulfill – a word for 2014

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I’ve been thinking about this for awhile. The last two years, I have picked one word to represent how I want to focus in the next year. It is a great exercise to consider what is happening in my life and how I want to grow. I encourage you to try this too!

dream!
For 2014, I have picked FULFILL.

The verb fulfill means to fill a need or want. To fulfill yourself personally means to follow your inner passion no matter who thinks it’s silly.

There are various aspects to this definition. The first idea is to bring to completion or reality; to achieve or realize something desired, promised, or predicted; to carry out a task, duty, or role as required, pledged, or expected. I believe God has created me for a specific purpose, and I want to fulfill that role.

“The place God calls you to is the place
where your deep gladness
and the world’s deep hunger meet.”
― Frederick Buechner, Wishful Thinking: A Theological ABC

The second idea is to gain happiness or satisfaction by fully developing abilities, potential, or character as much as natural ability or gifting makes possible.

“What we hunger for perhaps more than anything else
is to be known in our full humanness,
and yet that is often just what we also fear more than anything else.
It is important to tell at least from time to time the secret of who we truly and fully are . . . because otherwise we run the risk of losing track of who we truly and fully are
and little by little come to accept instead the highly edited version which we put forth
in hope that the world will find it more acceptable than the real thing.”
― Frederick Buechner, Telling Secrets

Too many times I have let other people control what I can dream or what I can do. I have allowed others’ opinions of me determine who I feel free to be.

This year, I want to believe in and act on all that God has created me to be.

I also want to do all that I can to encourage, empower, and resource others to be all that they are created to be and do. No holding back. No limits. Just fulfilled.

I sense a great adventure coming on… 🙂

What word will you pick for 2014?  I’d love to hear about it!

(** For other ideas, feel free to check out some of my words from other years…
2013 – Courage or 2012 – Authentic.)

Catching Fire leadership

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Catching FireLast night I went to see the premiere of “Catching Fire” in the IMAX theater with my niece and other family members. She was very excited. I had not read the books, and I’m not a big movie fan, but I was there to enjoy the experience with her and make a special memory! Popcorn and candy are always fun!

I admit that I liked the movie more than I expected. I thought it was better than the first film “The Hunger Games”: on-the-edge-of-your-seat action, intertwined relationships, and a battle for the underdog. Except for the futuristic, sci-fi elements (not my favorite film genre), the story grabbed my attention, and I forgot everything about real life for the entire 2 1/2 hours.

This morning when I woke up and my mind went back to my MA courses, I started thinking about some fun connections between the movie and the leadership themes I have been studying. Here are a few of them…

The main protagonist characters, Katniss and Peeta, demonstrate leadership character with courage, sacrifice, loyalty, love and care for others, and convictions that can not be bought or beaten out by corrupt powers. They win the sympathy of many with their integrity, perseverance, and compassion, and become attractive role models for the youth.

The heroes have a compelling vision – They symbolize hope for the future and the belief for many that together they can improve life for themselves and for those who come after them. Katniss and Peeta plan some tactical steps for survival and also prepare for unknown and unexpected circumstances and challenges.

Katniss and Peeta work with an amazing team – Coaches and mentors help with marketing, strategy, spokesperson roles and survival training, providing experience, knowledge, and resources. They know they could never survive the competition without the help of others.

Partners and Alliances are a key part of the survival plan – These partnerships require trust, respect, watching each other’s back, working together, each offering their unique expertise and help from their strength areas. The intense focus on an external enemy allows them to accept and appreciate others who are very different.

These are just some ideas that I thought of quickly as I enjoyed remembering the movie. I’m sure there are many more. If you’ve seen the movie or read the book, what principles do you see?

And… if you are struggling with a type of “The Capital” in your own life or at work, may the odds be ever in your favor! 🙂 The application of some of these leadership principles might help!

facilitating change

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IMGP0641 webChange: heart attitudes, training styles, organizational culture… and the world!

I just returned from a week in Kenya where I greatly enjoyed a transformational time with 50 of our African staff – to help them learn new training paradigms and materials to use with their new staff. Men and women, grandparents and young singles, they came from all over the continent: Ghana, Swaziland, Ethiopia, Niger, Zambia, Uganda, Zimbabwe, Cameroon, and more… They spoke English and French, in addition to many national ethnic tongues. They had up to 20 years of training experience or none. They work with students, business professionals, families, athletes and rural communities.

How to help such a diverse group desire, understand and prepare for change? Change is hard. Change is powerful.

We began with vision. Vision for them. Vision for their work. Vision for the organization. Vision for the world. We talked about the value, privilege and responsibility we experience when we invest in others’ lives.

They studied the character of those who are willing to change – humble, teachable, life-long learners, innovators, team players – and evaluated their own…

Our Design Team demonstrated the power of teamwork, adult learning, creative teaching methods, coaching processes and coaching groups, shared leadership, freedom to fail, and growth in community.

We also discussed the challenges and the barriers to change – their own personal internal struggles and the organizational struggles: traditions, aligning others, resources.

We modeled, and then they practiced with new tools… teaching new lessons, coaching each other, leading interactive groups, giving and receiving feedback.

Everyone ate well and slept little; we drank lots of tea; we shared life stories and prayed for each other. We became friends.

Together they decided on action points and next steps.

Our staff have a long road ahead of them. Change does not happen overnight. It does not happen easily. They will face opposition, and they will get tired and frustrated and discouraged in the process.

But I have hope for them. They are deeply committed to their people and their purpose. They serve a great God. They will help each other in a learning community. Change is healthy and necessary for the future.

I feel honored to have been part of the time. I look forward to what will happen in the future.

How do you respond to change? How do you help your people prepare for change?

the HEART of leadership

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heart_of_L_12_1_


Powerful words. Great story. Quick-read book. What could be better?

I accepted the opportunity to be part of the launch team for Mark Miller’s new book, The HEART of Leadership. I read it in just a few hours(!)… but I will be referring back to it for a long time.

Without leadership character,
no one cares about your skills.

Mark’s book tells the story of Blake Brown and his search for what makes leaders different after he misses a leadership promotion. Blake seeks out help from his mentor, Debbie Brewster, who sends him to meet with five special people. Each of the five share with Blake one element of leadership character. Blake changes his heart in the process, as well as his leadership at home and at work. 

This book is a simple, quick, easy read… but there is great depth in its content. Here is a quick review of key points from The HEART of Leadership, but I highly recommend you buy the book for yourself!

H

UNGER FOR WISDOM  Wisdom informs all of our decisions. Mark mentions four ways to cultivate a hunger for wisdom:1) focus on the pursuit, not the outcome; 2) be open to input, new ideas, different opinions; 3) grow constantly, and 4) establish a network of counselors/mentors for advice.

E 2XPECT THE BEST  Leaders see potential, what could be. They are generally optimistic and believe the best about others and themselves. They don’t ignore reality or facts, but they generally see the glass as 100% full – half liquid… and half air!

A 2CCEPT RESPONSIBILITY   Mark says that leaders “own” their actions and the actions of others. They accept responsibility when the team fails. Leaders don’t blame others; they guard against pride and people pleasing and… they give the praise to others!

RESPOND WITH COURAGE  Leaders don’t hesitate when faced with difficult or challenging situations; they initiate to mend broken relationships, challenge people to grow, or make hard or unpopular decisions. They may get it wrong sometimes, but they choose to act.

THINK OTHERS FIRST  This is the most important point of all. The servant leader works to ensure that others do well and that they feel honored and valued… but they must act with a sincere heart attitude; they can’t fake it or manipulate.

As I read Mark’s book, I felt numerous tugs at my heart in every chapter. Like the imaginary Blake, I saw obvious weak areas and lots I can improve. Mark uses an iceberg to illustrate that only 10% of leadership is the skills that show above the water. 90% of leadership is the leadership character below the surface.

Our work and homes and world need leaders with great character… with great HEART. I’m ready to work on my HEART. Want to change the world with me?

______________________

MarkMiller_About_179x240_050813Mark Miller, well known business leader, best-selling author, and communicator, is excited about sharing The Heart of Leadership: Becoming A Leader People Want To Follow with those who are ready to take the next step.

You can download a FREE sample chapter or buy the complete book at Amazon or bookstores everywhere!

And you can follow Mark Miller on Twitter @LeadersServe and through his Great Leaders Serve blog.

highlighting the defects

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picstitchWhat a strange process!

The other day, my sister and I repainted an old dresser in preparation for her friend, Pam, to visit and “distress” it. We diligently chose the correct type of paint and special tools for the process. We then spent hours spraying and re-spraying to get a nice, smooth finish and hide the old color. We did our best to avoid drips and smudges and uneven spots.

Truthfully, we did not get the result we wanted. The new paint didn’t look smooth or even or anything close to perfect. We couldn’t make it look new.

Pam arrived. She is an expert furniture re-finisher… at least compared to us. Unconcerned with our paint job, she quickly set to work with her electric sander. She intentionally rubbed off our carefully applied paint. She focused on the areas where typical wear and tear appear. She sought out our drips and uneven spots and sanded there with extra attention. She explained that often the more worn the piece looks, the more valuable it is at the store.

As she sanded, I thought about how this process is much like my life. I sometimes try hard to paint over my imperfections and my worn out spots. I attempt to present a smooth, even finish in my attitudes and actions. I work to hide my weaknesses in character. I want to avoid mistakes, errors and the evidences they leave behind… and it doesn’t turn out that well.

On the other hand, I often appreciate a person who displays a few unique “worn spots” in their life. The vulnerability and authenticity of imperfections are often more beautiful than an attempt at false perfection. Sometimes, loving attention given to weak areas adds value. The people who come alongside and help us in that process are a treasure… and the defects become highlights.

How do you view the defects in your life?

spirituality and integrity for leaders

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ID-10010934This week in my M.A. course, we discussed leadership competencies, specifically the need for spirituality and integrity for leaders.

Spirituality was defined as: centered, eternal awareness, moral concern, recognition of the sacred, meaning and purpose.

Integrity was defined as: oneness, wholeness, connectedness, all parts intersect and reflect the whole; you are who you claim to be.

I view these competencies as vital character traits and essential practices for an effective leader. I have experienced the negative consequences of leadership that lacked these competencies: spiritual manipulation, pride, selfishness, ego, false pretense, corruption, and debt. Sadly, I admit that sometimes I have been the one who caused those negative consequences.

Why do you think that spirituality and integrity are important for leaders?

On the other hand, a leader with spirituality and integrity competencies displays authenticity, emotional intelligence, and consistency in being, knowing and doing. An authentic leader earns trust; a leader with emotional intelligence builds healthy relationships; a leader with life and work consistency provides a safe and dynamic environment for productive action. In my organization we call this the “heart of the leader”. I want to be a leader known by these characteristics and practices.

How are you growing in spirituality and integrity competency?

Every one of my fellow students agreed that these competencies are crucial for leaders, although many admitted that sometimes our own character weaknesses or external pressures of urgency, cost, ease, etc. make it difficult to actually live this way on a consistent basis.

What pressures make it difficult for you to practice spirituality and integrity?

One of the students reminded us that the most helpful resource for strengthening this competency is vulnerable and honest accountability relationships. We need others in our life who can encourage us to make the right choices even when it is hard, and who confront us when we are making mistakes. Those people rarely just appear magically in my life. I need to take the initiative to seek them out, and then I need to have the openness to allow them to speak freely into my life.

Do you have accountability relationships in your life? 

Do you have other thoughts about spirituality and integrity for leaders? Please add a comment… I’d love to learn more from you!

____

Other resources:

More posts on similar topics: how is my “wake”?, what about results?, working against the tide

More on emotional intelligence: http://www.eiconsortium.org/measures/eqi.html

chocolate, character and community

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I love chocolate. Chocolate cake, chocolate cookies, chocolate pie, chocolate brownies, chocolate candy (especially with nuts). I can easily pass on most sweets… but not chocolate. Over the years, my tastes have drawn me to dark chocolate. That is now my unquestionable favorite.

yum webWhen I was recently in Birmingham in the UK, we had the opportunity to tour the Cadbury factory. What a treat! I have always enjoyed learning about how things are made, but chocolate… the best of all worlds! It was a chilly day for walking around… but so worth it! Our first stop included a sample of warm, melted chocolate over our choice of toppings. It was amazingly delicious – as you can tell!

better conditions webWe then moved on to displays that demonstrated a bit of the history and processes. A friend had encouraged us to look for the Human Resource connections in the company foundations, and we were not disappointed. George and Richard Cadbury were men of great character. They obviously cared for people as well as profit… and did not sacrifice quality or integrity to accomplish both goals. There were numerous testimonies and historical evidences of the Cadbury’s commitment to their employees and their families. The Cadbury brothers provided out-of-the-norm housing and education opportunities, dental and medical care, recreation and vacation possibilities for their workers. I have often sensed the tension between people and production, but these men have proven that both can flourish together.

greatest gift horizontal webGeorge and Richard took care of their people by providing community. In 1879, the Cadburys expanded their facilities… and their contributions to Birmingham. The factory, called Bournville, was known as a “factory in a garden” because of the stream, green areas, and gardens all throughout. It is still a very attractive place today. The brothers built homes, schools, hospitals, reading rooms, and gardens for what became known as Bournville village. George and Richard understood that as they invested in individuals, they ensured a society change ROI also. Their example was inspiring to me as I dream about the positive impact that my actions can have in a scope much larger than my own life.

I’ve included a few references below if you’d like to read more about the Cadbury legacy. I suggest that you accompany your study with a Cadbury Milk bar or a Cadbury Egg – for maximum educational benefit!

IMGP0120

Have you experienced leaders who are able to combine care for their people and profit/success?

__________

http://www.spartacus.schoolnet.co.uk/REcadbury.htm
http://www.cadbury.com.au/about-cadbury/the-story-of-cadbury.aspx
http://candyhalloffame.org/CHoF/inductees/2005/richard-george-cadbury.shtml

better now than later!

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photo credit: US National Archives’ Photostream

My parents are getting older. I haven’t been around to watch it happen little by little each day, but with each visit I experience time’s passing more dramatically. A few days ago, I was able to spend some extended time with my dad… He can’t get around like he could before. He forgets things and is easily confused. He doesn’t hear well. He needs help with simple tasks.

It is hard for me to watch him struggle. I am sure it is hard for him to have to struggle. He was a strong, independent, military man in his younger years; he does not like to have to depend on anyone.

I have to admit that his deteriorated health and weakened condition scared me a bit… I am like my father in many ways. I have always been energetic and strong, and I do not like to need other people to help me. I have always had a quick mind and the ability to accomplish my dreams and goals by working hard. I felt anxious and fearful thinking about how old age will affect me in the future.

Beyond the physical challenges, some of the hardest things for me during the visit with my dad were his words. He was critical and accusing with irrational, belittling comments. I could excuse some of his behavior as a result of his encroaching senility, but the truth is… this was not something new. I remember that, even when he was younger, he used to blame others for something he had misplaced or for an error he had made.

I don’t really consider myself “old”… yet!  But this visit with my father has challenged me to consider my own words and actions today. Nancy Ortberg, in her book Unleashing the Power of Rubber Bands, says, “…people who resist change and hold on to the old ways when they are in their twenties become people who resist change and hold on to old ways when they are older. People who embrace change and gravitate toward new ideas in their twenties become people who embrace change and gravitate toward new ideas when they are older.”

I have also heard that as we get older, our negative character traits will not diminish but become even more pronounced. If my character traits and behaviors of today will magnify when I am older… what will I be like?

I came up with some questions to consider now… How do I react to illness and physical challenge? How do I use my time, especially when my energy is low? How do I handle limitations and the need for help from others? Do I blame others for my mistakes? How do I react to change and new ideas? What can I work on today… so that I enter “old age” gracefully?

~~~~~~~~~~

What do you think about preparing now for “old age”?