Category Archives: life

what are you afraid of?

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(Español abajo)

I went camping last weekend. I didn’t sleep well with that thin nylon fabric as the only barrier between me and the woodland creatures whose home I was invading.

Camping has never been my favorite activity. I feel like I have leftover “trauma” from childhood experiences of camping in cold places with greasy spam for dinner. (Those are stories for another day.)

It’s taken a while, but in recent years, I’ve been trying to get past those memories and lean into adventures with my family. Everyone else in my family enjoys camping quite a bit. They didn’t get that from me.

The last few experiences have actually been very fun. I love being in nature. I love being with my family. I love being off my phone and away from normal distractions. I love learning new things. And, with the purchases of a few key items of quality camping gear, I’ve been plenty comfortable. I’ve enjoyed the hikes, the “gourmet” meals made with boiling water in a bag, and especially the shared laughter around the campfire.

Until bedtime.

It seems all the bugs decide to sing loudly once I am in my sleeping bag. Branches creak, and the wind flutters every flimsy flap on the tent. As a mom, I sleep lightly anyway, always vigilantly on edge as to how everyone else is doing.

But mostly, I’m afraid.

Yes, there are animals in the area, but we’ve carefully guarded food and tempting smelly things in bear cans placed far away from the camp. I am with a good-sized group of people, many very experienced with camping. They are not afraid.

I’ve been thinking about the title of this blog – “Maturitas Cafe.” I chose the name because I wanted it to be a forum for maturing, growing together, learning how to look more like Jesus.

Learning how to handle fear is an area that I want to grow in this year.

I’ve overcome my fears enough to go with those who sleep peacefully in their tents. Now, I hope to lessen my nighttime fears and increase my quality of sleep while I am out there with them.

Some things I’ve thought of to help me:

  • focus on truth – not on imaginings
  • go with those who are not afraid – good examples and wisdom there
  • keep going – usually, things I’ve done more times produce less fear for me
  • pray and ask others to pray for me
  • take small steps – I don’t have to conquer everything at once
  • give myself grace – laugh about it and leave some margin to catch up on sleep back at home if needed.

How about you…what are you afraid of? How do you handle that fear? Do you have any tips for me?

¿A qué le tienes miedo?

Fui a acampar el fin de semana pasado. No dormí bien con esa fina tela de nailon como la única barrera entre las criaturas del bosque cuyo hogar estaba invadiendo yo.

Acampar nunca ha sido mi actividad favorita. Siento que me quedan “traumas” de experiencias infantiles de acampar en lugares fríos con el “Spam” grasoso para cenar. (Esas son historias para otro día).

Me ha llevado un tiempo, pero en los últimos años he intentado superar esos recuerdos y unirme en aventuras con la familia. Todos los demás miembros de mi familia disfrutan bastante de acampar. Eso no lo obtuvieron de mí.

Las últimas experiencias han sido realmente muy divertidas. Me encanta estar en la naturaleza. Me encanta estar con mi familia. Me encanta desconectar mi teléfono y alejarme de las distracciones normales. Amo aprender cosas nuevas. Y, con la compra de algunos artículos clave de equipo para acampar de calidad, me he sentido bastante cómoda. He disfrutado de las caminatas, de las comidas “gourmet” hechas con agua hervido regado a una bolsa y sobre todo, de las risas compartidas alrededor de la fogata.

Hasta la hora de dormir.

Parece que todos los insectos deciden cantar en voz alta una vez que estoy en mi saco de dormir. Las ramas crujen y el viento agita cada endeble solapa de la tienda. Como madre, duermo ligeramente de todos modos, siempre atenta a cómo les va a los demás.

Pero sobre todo tengo miedo.

Sí, hay animales en la zona, pero hemos guardado cuidadosamente la comida y las cosas olientes tentadoras en latas especiales que los osos no pueden abrir y las hemos colocadas lejos del campamento. Estoy con un grupo de buen tamaño de personas, muchas de ellas con mucha experiencia en acampar. Ellas no tienen miedo.

He estado pensando en el título de este blog: “Maturitas Café”. Elegí el nombre porque quería que fuera un foro para madurar, crecer juntos y aprender a parecernos más a Jesús.

Aprender a manejar el miedo es un área en la que quiero crecer este año.

He superado mis miedos lo suficiente como para ir con quienes duermen tranquilamente en sus tiendas de acampar. Ahora espero disminuir mis miedos nocturnos y aumentar la calidad de mi sueño mientras estoy con ellos.

Algunas cosas que he pensado para ayudarme:

  • centrarse en la verdad, no en imaginaciones
  • ve con aquellos que no tienen miedo: son buenos ejemplos y ofrecen sabiduría
  • sigue adelante – por lo general, las cosas que he hecho más veces me producen menos miedo
  • orar y pedir a otros que oren por mí
  • dar pequeños pasos: no tengo que conquistarlo todo a la vez
  • darme gracia mi misma – reírme de ello y dejar algo de margen para recuperar el sueño en caso si es necesario

¿Y tú… a qué tienes miedo? ¿Cómo manejas ese miedo? Tienes algun consejo para mi?

decisions. decisions.

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Do you like to make decisions? 

I’m not sure how I feel about decisions right now. At work, I like to be empowered and have the option of making my own choices – or at least being part of the decision process – rather than being told what to do. Sometimes, the issue isn’t that important to me, and I can easily cede my preference and go with what others want. Other times, I get overwhelmed by the decisions and choices and wish someone else could decide for me. 

I am in the middle of putting new flooring in the upstairs of my house, and the decisions involved are wearing me out. I had my interior-designer daughter help me choose the tile. Looking at websites, getting samples, and pricing it out took months. 

But then I had to find an installer. Researching, asking friends for recommendations, calling, and scheduling quote visits took weeks. Some don’t do tile. Some don’t do big projects like mine. Some don’t return calls. I finally settled on someone. 

Now there are more decisions to make. What kind of backer board and mortar to go below the tile? I want materials that are non-toxic and renewable. How much will that cost? 

What about the baseboard style? Three, four, or five inches wide? Decorative or modern-simple? And what about the paint color? 

Did you know there are over 150,000 shades of white? 

Next, select the grout and caulk colors… 

And then the stairs! On those, I need wood for a softer edge. Rounded or modern-square nosing? Natural wood or engineered wood? Finished or unfinished? Water base or oil base sealant? 

Making decisions is challenging. Sometimes, I need to study up on things I don’t know. Other times, I feel inadequate to decide by myself. I don’t feel competent. I second-guess myself. Or I simply get decision fatigue and don’t want to think anymore about it. 

So, what have I learned from this project?

  • I want to enjoy the process and the choices. 
  • I can research and ask questions. 
  • When it’s not my area of expertise, I can ask for others’ opinions or confirmation. 
  • Sometimes, there is more than one good option. I just need to choose one. 
  • When I recognize that my perfectionism contributes to my stress, I try to take deep breaths or take a break and come back to it. 
  • When I remember this work is a privilege and am grateful, it seems to take away some of the pressure. 
  • Prayer helps. And I can ask others to pray – even about something that feels eternally insignificant – like floors. 
  • Celebrate the choices made.

Many of life’s decisions are much more weighty than my floors. We aren’t meant to make those big choices alone. Those are definitively the times to bring in others – maybe just as a sounding board, maybe for their wisdom. Allow others to help share the weight.

There are lots more decisions coming. 

What are your best tips for how to make decisions?

(Español) DECISIONES. DECISIONES.

¿Te gusta tomar decisiones?

No estoy seguro de cómo me siento acerca de las decisiones en este momento. En el trabajo, me gusta estar empoderada y tener la opción de tomar mis propias decisiones o al menos ser parte del proceso de la toma de decisiones, en lugar de que me digan qué hacer. A veces, las opciones no son tan importantes para mí y puedo ceder fácilmente mi preferencia e estar contenta con lo que otros quieren. En otras situaciones, me siento abrumada por las decisiones y elecciones y deseo que alguien más decida por mí.

Estoy en medio de poner un piso nuevo en al planta alta de mi casa y las decisiones involucradas me están agotando. Mi hija, quien es diseñadora de interiores, me ayudó a elegir el azulejo. Mirar sitios web, obtener muestras y fijar el precio llevaron meses.

Luego tuve que encontrar un instalador. Investigar, pedir recomendaciones a amigos, llamar y programar visitas de cotización tomaron semanas. Algunos no trabajan con los azulejos. Algunos no hacen grandes proyectos como el mío. Algunos no responden a las llamadas. Finalmente me decidí por alguien.

Entonces hubo más decisiones que tomar. ¿Qué tipo de tablero de respaldo y mortero para colocar debajo de la loseta? Quiero materiales renovables que no sean tóxicos. ¿Cuánto costarán?

¿Y cuál estilo del zócalo? ¿Tres, cuatro o cinco pulgadas de ancho? ¿Decorativo o moderno-simple? ¿Y el color de la pintura?

¿Sabías que hay más de 150.000 tonos del color blanco?

A continuación, a seleccionar los colores de lechada y masilla…

¡Y luego las escaleras! En esos, necesitaba madera para un borde más suave. ¿Nariz redondeada o cuadrada moderna? ¿Madera natural o madera de ingeniería? ¿Terminada o sin terminar? ¿Sellada a base de agua o a base de aceite?

Tomar decisiones es un reto. A veces, necesito estudiar cosas que no sé. En otras occasiones, me siento inadecuada para decidir por mí misma. No me siento competente. Me pregunto a mí misma. O simplemente me cansan las decisiones y no quiero pensar más en ellas.

Entonces, ¿qué he aprendido de este proyecto?

  • Quiero disfrutar el proceso y las elecciones.
  • Puedo investigar y hacer preguntas.
  • Cuando no es mi área de especialización, puedo pedir opiniones o confirmación de otros.
  • A veces, hay más de una buena opción. Solo necesito elegir una.
  • Cuando reconozco que mi perfeccionismo contribuye a mi estrés, trato de respirar profundamente o tomar un descanso y después volver a ello.
  • Cuando recuerdo que este trabajo es un privilegio y estoy agradecida, me quita algo de la presión.
  • La oración ayuda mucho. Y puedo pedirles a otros que oren, incluso por algo que parece insignificante en la eternidad – como los pisos.
  • Puedo celebrar las decisiones tomadas.

Muchas de las decisiones de la vida tienen mucho más peso que mis pisos. No estamos diseñados a tomar esas grandes decisiones solos. Esos son definitivamente los momentos para invitar a otros, tal vez solo como una pared de resonancia, tal vez por su sabiduría. Permita que otros comparten el peso.

Hay más decisiones por venir.

¿Cuáles son tus mejores consejos sobre cómo tomar decisiones?

getting ready

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Photo credit: Unsplash – les-argonautes

What does it take to get ready for a new endeavor?

Tomorrow we fly to Spain to walk the Camino de Santiago. We are not carrying all our belongings and are doing only a short portion of the trek, but this still requires preparation.

We’ve been getting ready physically, walking regularly, occasionally long distances, and even hills when possible.

We’ve purchased our gear, the recommended “wicking” fabrics, and taking special care to break in the socks and shoes that will – hopefully (!) – prevent blisters. We have backpacks and rain gear to cover them. (Right now, the weather forecast looks like rain every day.) Everything fits in a carry-on for easy transport.

Relational prep has included connecting on WhatsApp with the people in our group, seeing photos, learning names and some personal details. We look forward to deeper conversations on the journey.

Spiritually preparing, we read The Way is Made by Walking by Arthur Paul Boers and are opening our hearts to whatever God has for us on this adventure. We are praying, asking others to pray, and asking for prayer requests from others so we can pray for them on the walk.

We are also preparing emotionally, lightly guarding expectations, being ready for the unexpected (and possibly unwanted circumstances) while excitedly anticipating this long-time dream experience.

I feel ready. As I think about this, I recognize how intentionally and thoroughly I prepared for this challenge. Sometimes, I’ve done this for some “big things,” but often, I don’t leave margin to prepare this way for others.

What difference would it make if I took time to check that I was prepared physically, logistically, emotionally, relationally, and spiritually for whatever I undertake?

It might not require as much time as this trip, but what if I intentionally checked in on each of those areas? What if I made time to pray over all and everyone involved?

I feel I’ve learned something already before even starting to walk.

How do you prepare for a challenge, experience, or adventure?

preparándonos

¿Qué se necesita para estar listo para un nuevo esfuerzo?

Mañana volamos a España para andar en el Camino de Santiago. No llevamos todas nuestras pertenencias y vamos a cumplir solo una pequeña parte de la caminata, pero esto aún requiere preparación.

Nos hemos preparado físicamente – caminando regularmente, ocasionalmente largas distancias e incluso colinas cuando era posible.

Hemos comprado nuestro equipo, las telas “no-absorbentes” recomendadas y hemos tenido cuidado especial de quitar el nuevo de los calcetines y los zapatos que, con suerte (!), evitarán las ampollas. Tenemos mochilas y ropa de lluvia para cubrirlos. (En este momento, el pronóstico del tiempo dice lluvia todos los días). Todo cabe en un equipaje de mano para facilitar el transporte.

La preparación relacional ha incluido conectarnos en WhatsApp con las personas de nuestro grupo, ver fotos, aprender nombres y algunos detalles personales. Esperamos conversaciones más profundas en el viaje.

Preparándonos espiritualmente, leemos “Se hace camino al andar” de Arthur Paul Boers y estamos abriendo nuestro corazón a lo que Dios tiene para nosotros en esta aventura. Estamos orando, pidiendo a otros que oren y pidiendo peticiones de oración de otros para poder orar por ellos en la caminata.

También nos estamos preparando emocionalmente, ligeramente protegiendo las expectativas, anticipando las circunstancias no esperadas (y posiblemente no deseadas) mientras anticipamos con entusiasmo esta experiencia de los sueños.

Estoy lista. Al pensar en esto, reconozco cuán intencional y minuciosamente me preparé para este desafío. A veces, he hecho esto para algunas “grandes cosas”, pero a menudo no dejo margen suficiente para prepararme de esta manera para otros.

¿Qué diferencia haría si me tomara el tiempo para asegurar que estoy preparada física, logística, emocional, relacional y espiritualmente para cualquier cosa que emprenda?

Puede que no me requiera tanto tiempo como este viaje, pero ¿qué pasaría si revisara intencionalmente cada una de esas áreas? ¿Qué pasaría si me tomara el tiempo para orar por todo y por cada una de las personas involucradas?

Siento que ya he aprendido algo incluso antes de comenzar a caminar.

¿Cómo te preparas para un desafío, una experiencia o una aventura?

make me magnanimous

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I like to learn new words. I like word games – Wordle, Scrabble, Banagrams, and my recent favorite, the New York Times (NYT) Spelling Bee. My mom was a crossword puzzle genius. I may have only a tiny percentage of her ability, but I love that we are connected that way.

I like reading and writing. I enjoy keeping my mind challenged and building my vocabulary. Whether at work or at home, I recognize the power of words and communications, both verbal and written.

One email I enjoy receiving is the “Word of the Day,” and this is the word that showed up in my box recently:

WORD OF THE DAY
Magnanimous [ mag-nan-uh-muhs ] adjective

1. generous in forgiving an insult or injury; free from petty resentfulness or vindictiveness
2. high-minded; noble

Examples of magnanimous in a sentence:

1. The magnanimous philanthropist donated millions of dollars to charity.
2. The magnanimous queen pardoned her enemies and showed mercy to all.

What a great word! Wouldn’t you want to be known as a magnanimous person?

Generous. Forgiving. Not petty. High-minded. Noble.

Wow.

All I could think of was how much our world needs more magnanimous people today. How I long for more magnanimous people in my life. And how I desire to be a more magnanimous person.

What would that take? For me, not holding on to hurt. Not being so critical of people. Joyfully generous whenever possible. Trusting God to care for my heart and meet my needs rather than expecting – demanding – that of others.

That sounds difficult – but not impossible. At least if I have the word in my head, I might attempt to live it out more often.

Want to attempt it with me? What would it take for you to be magnanimous?

Me gusta aprender nuevas palabras. Me gustan los juegos de palabras: Wordle, Scrabble, Banagrams y mi favorito reciente, el Spelling Bee del New York Times (NYT). Mi mamá era una genio de los crucigramas. Puede que solo tenga un pequeño porcentaje de su habilidad, pero me encanta que estemos conectados de esa manera.

Me gusta leer y escribir. Disfruto mantener mi mente desafiada y construir mi vocabulario. Ya sea en el trabajo o en casa, reconozco el poder de las palabras y las comunicaciones, tanto verbales como escritas.

Un correo electrónico que disfruto recibir es la “Palabra del día” y esta es la palabra que apareció en mi inbox recientemente:

PALABRA DEL DIA

Magnánimo [adjetivo]

  1. generoso en perdonar un insulto o injuria; libre de mezquinos, resentimientos o venganzas
  2. de principios altos; noble

Ejemplos de magnánimo en una oración:

  1. El magnánimo filántropo donó millones de dólares a obras de caridad.
  2. La reina magnánima perdonó a sus enemigos y mostró misericordia a todos.

¡Qué gran palabra! ¿No te gustaría ser conocido como una persona magnánima?

Generoso. Perdonador. No mezquino. Misericordioso. Noble.

Guau.

Todo lo que podía pensar era cuánto nuestro mundo necesita más gente magnánima hoy. Cómo anhelo más personas magnánimas en mi vida. Y cómo deseo ser una persona más magnánima.

¿Qué tomaría eso? Para mí, no aferrarme al dolor. No ser tan crítica con las personas. Ser gozosamente generosa siempre que sea posible. Confiar en Dios para que cuide mi corazón y satisfaga mis necesidades en lugar de esperar, hasta exigirlo, de los demás.

Eso suena difícil, pero no imposible. Al menos si tengo la palabra en mi cabeza, podría intentar vivirla más a menudo.

¿Quieres intentarlo conmigo? ¿Qué necesitarías cambiar para ser magnánimo?

walking with the Way

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I am preparing to walk a section of the Camino de Santiago in Spain in a few weeks. My husband and I are walking many miles each week as part of our physical endurance preparation. We are also reading “The Way is Made By Walking,” by Arthur Paul Boers, as part of our heart preparation.

The book is written by a fellow Camino pilgrim. I am a few chapters in, and the author has drawn me in with his stories and reflections. Today, in one of the chapters, he shared the Christian roots of pilgrimage and the traditions of many who traveled before us. These words challenged me and encouraged me.

God is a moving target… We need constantly to look for — and stay on the move for — God. This search keeps us unsettled. Deity is not easily tied down. Biblical faith is wary of confining divine presence too closely to one place or building, land or sactuaary, race or nation. Faithful people are repeatedly and providentially called to go elsewhere, be displaced and meet –even be — strangers, all in order to encounter our Creator more fully.

I have often felt that God is a moving target, and I have felt unsettled. But my seeking journeys, whether geographical or at a soul level, have led to personal growth and a closer connection with Him. When I step out of my comfort zone and when I am honest about questions, doubts, and disappointments from unanswered prayers, I always sense Him still walking beside me, present with me, lovingly and compassionately inviting me to continue on with Him.

Walking involves straining on the hills, stumbling over rocks, sloshing, and sliding through water and mud. It also includes warm sunbeams filtered through cool shade trees, sweet-scented blooms, and the serenade of the birds’ song in the high-above branches.

Our faith walk is similar – unknowns, challenges, discoveries, and joys. Following Jesus, one day – one step – at a time. It is ok to be unsettled. It is ok to feel displaced. This is a life-long journey. Let’s keep walking.

How has your journey been going?

En español:

Me estoy preparando para caminar un tramo del Camino de Santiago en España en unas semanas. Mi esposo y yo caminamos muchas millas cada semana como parte de nuestra preparación de resistencia física. También estamos leyendo “El camino se hace caminando”, de Arthur Paul Boers, como parte de la preparación de nuestro corazón.

El libro está escrito por un compañero peregrino del Camino. Llevo algunos capítulos y el autor me ha atraído con sus historias y reflexiones. Hoy, en uno de los capítulos, compartió las raíces cristianas de la peregrinación y las tradiciones de muchos que viajaron antes que nosotros. Estas palabras me desafiaron y me alentaron.

Dios es un blanco en movimiento… Necesitamos buscar constantemente a Dios y mantenernos en movimiento. Esta búsqueda nos mantiene inquietos. La deidad no se ata fácilmente. La fe bíblica tiene cuidado de limitar demasiado la presencia divina a un lugar o edificio, tierra o santuario, raza o nación. Los fieles son llamados repetida y providencialmente a ir a otros lugares, ser desplazados y encontrarse, incluso ser, extranjeros, todo para encontrar más plenamente a nuestro Creador.

A menudo he sentido que Dios es un blanco en movimiento y me he sentido inquieto. Pero mis viajes de búsqueda, ya sean geográficos o a nivel del alma, me han llevado al crecimiento personal y a una conexión más cercana con Él. Cuando salgo de mi zona de confort y cuando soy honesta acerca de las preguntas, dudas y desilusiones de las oraciones sin respuesta, siempre lo siento caminando a mi lado, presente conmigo, invitándome amorosa y compasivamente a continuar con Él.

Caminar implica esforzarse en las colinas, tropezar con las rocas, chapotear y deslizarse por el agua y el barro. También incluye cálidos rayos de sol filtrados a través de la fresca sombra de los árboles, flores de dulce aroma y la serenata del canto de los pájaros en las ramas altas.

Nuestro camino de fe es similar: cosas desconocidas, desafíos, descubrimientos y alegrías. Siguiendo a Jesús, cada día, un paso a la vez. Está bien estar inquieto. Está bien sentirse desplazado. Este es un viaje de toda la vida. Sigamos caminando.

¿Cómo ha ido tu viaje?

embracing brokenness

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I like to do everything “right.” I like to have it together – no matter what I might be doing. I like to think I can figure out or do just about anything. I want everyone to be happy.

You can see where this is leading, can’t you?

I’m not sure why it is so hard for me to see it…

I struggle with being imperfect, messing up, arriving late, and hurting others. I’m frustrated when I know I’m not good at something. And I’m miserable when I feel that I’ve let others down.

That’s not a good way to live – because those things happen all the time.

I am a broken, imperfect person.

We all are.

Imperfection is not such a bad thing – or so they say. Imperfection simply means that we are like everyone else. We need each other. And we need Jesus.

It also means that I need to learn to say that I am sorry (I’m still working on that), that I don’t know, or that something will have to wait. It means I need to give grace to myself, accept that I’m not great at everything, and ask for help from others.

Sometimes, there are things I can work on and improve. Other times, I need to admit the weak areas and ensure others help fill in my gaps.

And when I learn to do those things, I can give more grace and acceptance to others when their imperfections and brokenness inevitably affect me.

Right now, I feel a bit frustrated that I continue to be frustrated with this issue. This is not a new discovery for me. I have been in this battle against perfectionism for a long time. It just happened to noticeably raise its ugly head again recently.

That is part of the battle – that crazy-maker, relentless longing that holds on to that tiniest impossible delusion that I can actually beat this thing and get “better.”

And so, here I am – sharing my brokenness with you – hoping you might join me in this journey, acknowledge and embrace your brokenness – and give yourself grace. Maybe you will even accept my brokenness if it happens to bump up against yours occasionally.

May we give lots of grace to ourselves and each other.

How do you typically deal with your brokenness?

Image – Kintsugi pottery – A broken piece made more beautiful and valuable by filling the cracks with gold. (Credit: riho-kitagawa-JuDPjcutors-unsplash)

around the world

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I recently returned from the second of two international trips last month. I am very grateful for the privilege to travel and experience different parts of the world. I enjoy the beauty and richness of diverse cultures, the variety of God’s creation in places and people, and the reminder that we have so much in common in our hearts and souls, although we may look different on the outside.

My trips were for work, but they felt more like fun because of the connections with treasured colleagues and the opportunities to make new friends. This is a special joy of my job – working relationships that include learning from each other, combining gifting and strengths to accomplish more than I could alone, and sharing history and innovation, dreams and challenges, tears and deep laughter. I am thankful for safe people who care, encourage, ask with genuine curiosity, speak the truth, and seek to love and serve well.

I also enjoy seeing the fabrics and textures of nationally-unique clothing and crafts, hearing the songs of multiple languages, and savoring (most of) the flavors of new foods and drinks. I learn much from others’ history, inventions, passions, geographical adjustments, and lifestyles.

Here are just a few of the lessons I learned on these trips…

  • bikes are still a transportation option in cold weather
  • healthy food options are offered in unique places
  • tulips originate from central Asia
  • boat homes are alternative housing options
  • those who suffer greatly can still experience and share joy
  • the Google translate app is super helpful and easy to use
  • you can interpret for a group using the Signal app
  • people amaze me with their lavish service and kindness
  • others amaze me with their teachable hearts and desire to learn and grow
  • many amaze me with their impressive abilities and skill sets that are completely different from mine
  • all over the world, people create inspirational, life-changing, sustainable businesses to help others support themselves and their families
  • an empty adjacent seat is a precious gift on a long flight
  • fish-shaped waffles are a thing – and they are delicious
  • you can fit four+ people on a small motorbike
  • papaya can taste good
  • Despite our differences, people everywhere long for significance in their lives, care for and enjoy their loved ones, desire connection and belonging, and search for God.

It is good for me to get out of my “comfort zone” and experience others’ worlds. Sometimes it is uncomfortable, and I feel out of control, but I am a different – and better – person because of the influences of others on my life.

What do you enjoy most about traveling?

where has the time flown?

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Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash

My last post was dated 2021. I only wrote four posts that year. Covid had arrived on the scene, then after a few years of causing chaos, slithered away backstage. Much happened in my life and family – isolation and travel, moves and new jobs, losses and new discoveries, challenges and joys – each has taken its turn as the leading player. Writing about all of that was less of a priority than surviving through it. However, my domain is up for review, so I can either write or stop paying for this space… so write I will.

I am wondering how you are doing. How have the last years been for you? So many have suffered, lost, and grieved. Others are still trying to determine what this future life will look like. And some are moving along well, in a groove, content, and thriving. I find myself living in each of those three modes, depending on the hour and circumstances, which I have decided is very normal and ok for me.

I have entered into 2023 with more energy than the years past and with enthusiasm for projects and travel that will fill the months ahead. I picked a word for the year – OPEN. I felt like God whispered it in my ear to give me peace and hope for all that is to come. I want to be open to opportunities, changes, new people and experiences. I want to choose my roles with God’s direction and discernment and leave fear a very bit part in my life.

So, I have my strong, black coffee in hand. I am awake early due to jetlag from a recent flight and enjoying the quiet of a new day. I am reflecting and dreaming… and writing. Writing helps me think – whether I put thoughts in a journal by hand or put them up in public for others to see. These next months, I hope to keep up a rhythm of posting, and I hope to find you following along. We have lots to learn and process together.

“You don’t need to have everything figured out. Try new things. Experiment. Mess up. Start over.”

– Anonymous

How do you best reflect on what you live through?

why is it so hard to change?

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Photo credit: ross-findon-unsplash

Change has been on my mind a lot these days. Our organization is going through a structural change that will rearrange many job roles. I’ve recently learned things that dramatically alter my perception of my past (a post for another time). Family members are continually adjusting relationships and future plans.

Sometimes, change happens to us. Other times we are the ones who desperately want to initiate a new way. Januarys often prompt a flood of resolutions that by February we have discarded as impossible and unsustainable. Why is that?

Robert Kegan and Lisa Lahey wrote a book named Immunity to Change. The book highlights a study of doctors who warned heart patients that they would die if they did not change their habits. Only one in seven followed the new health lifestyle successfully. Desire and motivation aren’t enough to produce change, even when it’s a matter of life or death.

What makes it so hard for us to change?

Much of the battle happens below the surface, at the subconscious or feelings level, and we are unaware of how it actively operates in opposition to our hoped-for changes.

We have contradictory beliefs, fears, and commitments that are fighting against the new behaviors and thought processes we want to implement. We have a well-developed immunity to change established, and we need to look below the superficial to conquer it.

Kegan and Lahey offer a process to help us investigate the underlying forces at work:

FIRST STEP
Identify the change you want to make – your visible commitment. Example: I want to listen better.

SECOND STEP
Record the things you do or don’t do instead of your preferred behavior. Examples: I get distracted by my phone. I begin to form my answers in my head.

THIRD STEP
(Now, we get to the good stuff. You have to be honest here, but there is power in this recognition.) In this step, you consider your hidden competing commitments. These can be related to worries or fears. Examples: I don’t want to miss out on anything. I am committed to being “on top of things.” I want to have the answers. I am committed to looking smart, being helpful.

FOURTH STEP
What is the big assumption behind those commitments? Examples: I always have to appear responsible, or I won’t get the promotion. I have to provide great answers, or my friends won’t come to me for advice; they won’t need me.

FIFTH STEP
Plan an experiment for the next week or two that tests the assumptions and see what happens. Examples: Leave the phone face down while talking. Listen intentionally and ask questions instead of giving advice.

EVALUATE THE EXPERIMENT
When I was doing this with a small group, we met to discuss what happened when we tried out our new behaviors and set up more experiments for the next couple of weeks. I often found my fears and assumptions did not have the power I was giving them, and I was encouraged by the results of my new behaviors.

In their book, Kegan and Lahey share a helpful chart of columns to process through our immunity to change. I highly recommend both the book and the experience if you have a chance to participate.

This post is a light review of the process, but the main points I learned are: change is hard. When I want to change, I must consider my under-the-surface immunity to change habits. And, as I work through this process, I find naming the resistance gives me a more honest appreciation of the battle. Finally, as I test out my assumptions and experience success, I discover a stronger motivation to keep developing the new behaviors.

What has been your experience with change? In what ways do you do battle with your immunity to change?

end of year review

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Year in Review

Well, 2020 was a crazy year like nothing we’ve ever experienced before. Maybe it is best not to look back and forget about it. On the other hand, I’ve learned that joy and sadness “sit together at the same table.” There had to have been good things that happened last year too. I am sure of that. So, despite the ready-to-be-rid-of-you sentiments I have for 2020, I took time this last weekend to create my “mind-map” version of the year in review. I’ve done this for a few years now, and I enjoy the one-page at-a-glance view of the year that I receive as a result.

I typically review my calendar, my journal, and my photos to create my map. I also like to do a verbal review with my husband; he makes his drawing, and we compare notes.

Look back to learn, give thanks, and celebrate how far you’ve come.

I write in pencil first, separating work from family as I can. You’ll see it can get messy. I don’t always space the months out well – a bit of trauma for a recovering perfectionist, but oh well. I’ve learned – with effort – to allow the process to carry more importance than the appearance. 🙂 Later, I return to darken or highlight the more important and more impactful events or happenings. It helps me to see, in print, the many diverse influences on my life.

This process usually takes me a few hours, and that gives me time to reflect – rejoicing and grieving, observing patterns (Last year, I wrote in my journal A LOT that I felt tired), and sensing gratitude for learning, growth, and progress made through the months.

People review the past year in many different ways.
What have you done to reflect on a past year or look forward to the next?