Tag Archives: integrity

who gets the credit?

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copyright symbolHave you ever had a co-worker talk to the boss and take recognition for your idea? Or a friend blame you for something that was not your fault? Have you withheld a deserved compliment out of competition or envy?

I’ve been reading, The Elements of Ethics, by W. Brad Johnson and Charles R. Ridley. They say:

“In applying the principle of ownership,
failing to give credit where credit is due
and taking credit where credit is not due,
in effect, are acts of stealing.”¹

Stealing is taking something that does not belong to you. There are lots of ways people steal: shoplifting, burglary, looting, mugging, bribery, embezzlement, identity theft, kidnapping, and rape are just a few.²

Not long ago, I was looking for a fellow worker’s notes from a talk. When I did a Google search, I found the notes, almost word for word… in someone else’s webpage! My co-worker had copied the post and passed the notes off as their own, giving no credit to the original writer. I was really disappointed. Plagiarism is a form of stealing sadly too common in my area.

Recently, I have spent a lot of time at work trying to give credit correctly for written articles and photographs that we use in our training materials. It is tedious, time-consuming, non-glamorous, in-the-background work. Very few people will notice the work I (and our lawyers) am doing to obtain the permissions and the non-licensed photographs. Someone might notice if we do not make this effort, but not likely… so why do I do it?

I am also learning to not give credit that is not deserved. Have you ever been asked to give a reference for someone and you wanted to “be nice“, so you said only the good things? Or have you written a really positive letter of recommendation that “slightly” exaggerated the person’s good points? Have you complimented someone’s work or appearance to gain favor? Johnson and Ridley say, “It is just as dishonest to make baseless recommendations as it is to steal someone’s idea.”³  Wow. Challenging. I have been “nice” too many times…

Maybe because some of my children are musicians and photographers, I am more sensitive to protecting deserved credit. I don’t know. I do know that this chapter has given more strength to my convictions in this area.

How about you? Do you give too much or too little credit to others? How could you do a better job at giving appropriate credit?

______________

¹Johnson, W.B. & Ridley, C. R. (2008) The Elements of Ethics for Professionals. [Kindle Edition] (Location 2219)

²ibid. (Location 2208)

³ibid. (Location 2235)

taking higher ground

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Hikers in mountains, circa 1995 from Flickr via Wylio

“Traveling down the high road can be a lonely experience.” ~ W. Brad Johnson

I started this post when reading for my one of my MA classes. It is almost spooky how life has confirmed much of what I wrote in the months since, even though I had totally forgotten about this post.

No matter how many years go by, I keep learning more about myself and the deeper, ulterior motives that affect my attitudes and actions.

So that we can learn together (I don’t like to do much of anything alone!), I am sharing some of these challenging ideas with you. This list comes from the first chapter of The Elements of Ethics by W. Brad Johnson. He is suggests that these are essential elements of integrity:

(**Fair Warning: This is not an easy list!)

  1. Become congruent – truthful with oneself and consistent at all times and in all relationships (Nothing easy here, but a key to people considering us “safe” and trustworthy.)
  2. Stay transparent – openness, frankness, full disclosure (activities, commitments, relationships) Evasive = Suspicious
  3. Make yourself accountable – No excuses. Take responsibility. Tell the truth.
  4. Invite peer review – Constructive feedback is our friend. Invite others to honestly review and evaluate. Without sugar-coating.
  5. Present your credentials and services accurately – No inflating or misrepresenting achievements, experiences or results.
  6. Ensure emotional and physical fitness – Admit fatigue, burnout, or life circumstances that impair best effort. Be alert of warning signs. Seek help.
  7. Protect confidential information – Think before you speak. Protect others’ privacy with vigilance. Avoid and stop gossip.
  8. Know your moral vulnerabilities – Invincibility is an illusion. Be self-aware of weaknesses. Let others help.
  9. Identify your private agendas – Guard against hidden agendas and wrong motives.
  10. Do not count the cost of integrity – There is a price: inconvenience, self-denial, social isolation, passive-aggressive attacks, persecution. Do the right thing anyway.
  11. Rectify missteps immediately – Don’t aim for perfection. Admit mistakes. Apologize. Laugh at yourself. Give grace to others.
  12. Stand your ground under pressure – Anticipate the pressure to compromise. Practice a response. Find others who can help you.
  13. Do not be a hypocrite – No pretense. No manipulation. No self-serving.

I especially related to #6, #8, and #11. I don’t like weakness. I want perfection. I know in my head it is impossible, but I still want it in my heart. This chapter helped me to recognize that desire for perfection is a stumbling block for me, rather than a help.

#10 is also good. In past jobs, I paid a price for integrity choices that surprised and hurt me. I don’t know why I thought it would be easy. I want to have more realistic expectations in the future and have a team who stands with me in those difficult decisions.

Ok… your turn! Which of these elements challenge you? Which are most important for your integrity? How do you take the high ground?

 

the BEST of 2013

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antique trophy

Where has the time gone? I think I say that every year! It has been an eventful year… events that have brought travel to new places -internationally for work and eternally for beloved family members. I have laughed, and I have cried. I have written about many of the adventures, body and soul, here in these posts.

Thanks so much for accompanying me on my journey. I have loved your feedback, your pushback, and your encouragement along the way. I prefer to do my processing verbally, so your interactions with me make the challenging process of disciplined writing worthwhile.

There are days when I think I am ready to give up this work, but I know it is good for me to write out my thoughts and some of you have expressed that it is helpful for you too, so I think I will give it a go for another year. I hope you will travel the journey with me!

Here are the top-read posts written this year. I hope you will read any you’ve missed or re-read any favorites!

(Each post is available in English and Spanish. Feel free to look around in the archives!)

Most Read English Posts:

2013 top postshow to know yourself better

destroying double standards

when holidays hurt

creating more leaders

a bucket list

Catching Fire leadership


2013 top posts spanMost Read Spanish posts: 

rompiendo las barreras

peleando como un “ezer”

un ogro (grinch) del Día de San Valentín

espiritualidad e integridad para líderes

asombroso pastel de cumpleaños

destruyendo la doble moral

You can also read more about how the blog got started here: About Me  and here:  coffee as a way of life or here: why a blog

And you can check out earlier posts on:  The Best of 2012  🙂

THANKS AGAIN for reading! I really do appreciate you!

What were the biggest happenings in your 2013?

spirituality and integrity for leaders

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ID-10010934This week in my M.A. course, we discussed leadership competencies, specifically the need for spirituality and integrity for leaders.

Spirituality was defined as: centered, eternal awareness, moral concern, recognition of the sacred, meaning and purpose.

Integrity was defined as: oneness, wholeness, connectedness, all parts intersect and reflect the whole; you are who you claim to be.

I view these competencies as vital character traits and essential practices for an effective leader. I have experienced the negative consequences of leadership that lacked these competencies: spiritual manipulation, pride, selfishness, ego, false pretense, corruption, and debt. Sadly, I admit that sometimes I have been the one who caused those negative consequences.

Why do you think that spirituality and integrity are important for leaders?

On the other hand, a leader with spirituality and integrity competencies displays authenticity, emotional intelligence, and consistency in being, knowing and doing. An authentic leader earns trust; a leader with emotional intelligence builds healthy relationships; a leader with life and work consistency provides a safe and dynamic environment for productive action. In my organization we call this the “heart of the leader”. I want to be a leader known by these characteristics and practices.

How are you growing in spirituality and integrity competency?

Every one of my fellow students agreed that these competencies are crucial for leaders, although many admitted that sometimes our own character weaknesses or external pressures of urgency, cost, ease, etc. make it difficult to actually live this way on a consistent basis.

What pressures make it difficult for you to practice spirituality and integrity?

One of the students reminded us that the most helpful resource for strengthening this competency is vulnerable and honest accountability relationships. We need others in our life who can encourage us to make the right choices even when it is hard, and who confront us when we are making mistakes. Those people rarely just appear magically in my life. I need to take the initiative to seek them out, and then I need to have the openness to allow them to speak freely into my life.

Do you have accountability relationships in your life? 

Do you have other thoughts about spirituality and integrity for leaders? Please add a comment… I’d love to learn more from you!

____

Other resources:

More posts on similar topics: how is my “wake”?, what about results?, working against the tide

More on emotional intelligence: http://www.eiconsortium.org/measures/eqi.html

what women add to a team

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Business TeamDo you remember that awkward elementary school experience – two scrawny kids choosing the players for their team? There was always a tension between picking a friend because you liked them and picking a “star” because you wanted to win.

Whether it was a debate team or a football team, you needed a variety of players to cover offense and defense. Your choices didn’t always work out as planned. The thick glasses didn’t always guarantee intelligence any more than extra height ensured skill under the basket, but certain general characteristics proved to increase your chances for victory.

I firmly believe that men and women live and work best together in partnership, and I have experienced many times that the best teams are often diverse, not only in gender, but also in age, personality, strengths, and cultural background.

Earlier, I wrote about some of the challenges facing diversity, specifically gender diversity on leadership teams. I mentioned that more information can often facilitate positive change. Here are some ways that women’s participation makes teams healthier and stronger. I have also listed some articles below that support these three points. 

Men and women are like two feet—
they need each other to get ahead.
Helen E. Fisher

Women add integrity.

In my experience, the women on my teams consistently committed to maintaining a high standard of fiscal, legal, and labor integrity. When women participated on the teams, we implemented accountability systems, complied with necessary policies and laws, and quickly investigated decisions that appeared questionable. Financial partners, funding, and the organizational reputation for integrity increased as a result. When women participate on a team, there is great potential to build a strong ethical, moral, and integral foundation. 

Women strengthen collaboration.

On mixed teams, the team members rarely worked alone in siloed responsibilities. Instead, the women facilitated true teamwork by ensuring regular communication and interaction, systematic sharing of ideas, and fostering a healthy feedback culture. They promoted honest personal and productivity evaluations. The women were approachable, quick to ask clarifying questions, reciprocally helpful, and loyally supportive of team decisions. Mixed gender teams often led to better ideas, better decisions, and greater productivity and growth.

Women foster personal development.

The women I worked with prioritized personal and team development, often establishing strong mentoring relationships and coaching. They actively demonstrated concern for team member’s growth and well-being. The women readily participated in 360 evaluations, team building activities, and conflict resolution. They were good listeners, discerning, and keenly aware when alignment was missing. They were often very successful at recruiting, training and empowering their future replacements. Women leaders contribute to the effectiveness of a team’s leadership pipeline. 

I believe that great leadership ultimately depends on character, and that calling, competency and chemistry are also important for successful teamwork. Diverse teams do not ensure automatic success, but in our complex and constantly changing society, I am certain that they are one of our wisest recruiting strategies.

How have you seen women add to your teams?

McKinsey & Company. (2008). Female leadership, a competitive edge for the future. Paris, France.
Zenger, Jack and Folkman, Joseph. “Are women better leaders than men?” blogs.HBR.org. March 15 2012. Web. Jan. 26 2013.

working against the tide

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Do you ever feel like you are “swimming up-stream”? Have you sensed that the door you hold open has a strong tension-spring that will slam it shut as soon as you let go? Have you ever felt like your hard work and passions are like a sand castle that is completely washed away when the tide comes in?

I have been struggling a lot with those kind of feelings the last few weeks. In a past leadership position, I gave my best effort to bring about a culture change that I believed in strongly. Some of what we encouraged was team leadership, women valued and developed equally with the men, integrity in character and finances, and a willingness to honestly evaluate results.

Together with my husband, I tried to lead by example; brought in resources and training; honored those co-workers who demonstrated the values we cherished, and celebrated the environment and growth that resulted from our efforts. It was hard work, there was resistance and personal attack, and we paid a price physically, emotionally, and relationally.

We were also incredibly blessed with encouragement and support from partners, mentors, and the thrill of changed lives. At the time, I thought the dream of healthy relationships and a healthy organization was worth the pain.

Sadly, today looking back on that time, I question more… so much of what we “built” is gone. Many things are different; environment, people, results… I wonder, did my hard work really accomplish anything? Was the up-hill climb good for only short-term, superficial change?

I have learned a lot about working as a leader. Now I need to learn about letting go. I need to live with the tension between desire for a legacy… and contentment with having given my best when it was my turn.

Do you have any tips for me? What do you do when your hard work is washed away?

what about results?

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Some people claim that results are “cold” or devalue people or are too hard to measure, but I think differently. Especially in ministry, our results are people and results mean changed lives… often for all eternity. At home, I definitely work toward positive results in my marriage and my children. It can be difficult to measure those results, but it matters to me to do well.

Henry Cloud, in his book Integrity, recognizes that there are some results that we cannot control, but claims that in most cases, character affects fruitfulness. He says that many people know the “what”or “how” of the work, but still do not produce good results. He claims that the missing ingredient is in “who” they are.

What I do… is intimately connected… to who I am.

In the 9th chapter of Integrity, Cloud mentions five important character elements for achieving results:

1. understand who I am and what I do well – Successful, effective people do better because they know what they like and don’t like, what they are good at and where they are weak… and they set up healthy boundaries based on their values. They don’t chase an idealized picture of themselves, practice a false humility, or fold to pressure from others… but rather they work well in teams with others who can complement their weak areas.

Am I pretending that I am someone I’m not? Am I trying to do what I am not created for in order to please someone else? Do I work alone?

2. prepare and focus before I act – Cloud describes this as “ready, aim… and then fire”.  Being ready involves discipline, evaluative thought, and delayed gratification. It means avoiding rash decisions, “winging it” and impulsive actions. To aim is to live within reality and limits… not be “all over the place” with ideas and dreams. And fire means actually getting things done.

Do I have a plan… for my marriage, my family, my job? Do I know where I want to go? Am I doing the prep work to get me to my goals?

3. willing to make the hard calls – I already wrote about this is my “no more mr. nice guy” post, but there are a few challenging quotes from this chapter that I want to remember.

      “Past being mean and uncaring, virtually nothing erodes respect in a person                       more than his or her inability to make the hard call.”

“The patient, the company, and the family will be better in the end…” 

Do I have the courage and the ability to make the difficult decisions that some people won’t like, but are for the best?

4. find a way – To achieve results, people often have to persevere through hard times, make changes, accept failures, overcome obstacles. Cloud states that, “perseverance takes courage, stamina, emotional reserves, judgment, creativity…”

Do I quit easily or do I have what it takes to keep going? 

5. learn to lose well – Most breakthrough inventions and ideas have numerous “well, that didn’t work” projects behind them. The keys to losing well are facing the reality of failure, accepting responsibility, and learning from the experience. Sometimes losing is just giving up something good for something better.

Do I take time to grieve and evaluate the loss? Do I blame others or do I consider my contribution to the error? Am I afraid to let go of something that is not the best?

Fruitfulness depends on focusing on who I am and what I do. I don’t want to sacrifice dreams, goals, or mission purposes because of my personal immaturity. I want to grow in character. What do you think about results?

truth matters

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road sign for the town of Truth or Consequences, NM
© Alamy-Jonathan Larsen

Henry Cloud, in his book, Integrity, writes that many people lie… actually most of us do, in some form or another.

How about the little “white” lie answer to, “How are you doing?” Do I say “fine” when I’m not really fine? Or if someone asks me, “So… how did I do?”, do I give them honest feedback or do I respond with a generic, “Great”? What about when someone wants me to “fudge” on a recommendation letter, or a stats report, or a financial designation? Do I “help them out“, or do I tell the truth?

Cloud states, “People of good character are people who can be trusted to tell the truth.”

  • Truth about myself – I’ve heard many times to consider reality as my friend. It doesn’t help to hide, avoid or deny reality – especially about myself. One powerful element of leadership is self-awareness, understanding my strengths and weaknesses. If I don’t contend with my weak areas, others will. I don’t want to be the fool who’s not really fooling anyone except myself. Although it is not easy for me, I am learning to seek out truth – ask others (husband, co-workers, boss, friends) for an evaluation, request feedback about my leadership, apply what they tell me, and seek help where I am weak.

      Will I pursue the truth?

  • Truth about others – I’ve written before about my desire to please others and be the “nice guy“. It is hard to tell people the truth when it may hurt them, but there is a big difference between a surgeon who causes pain while saving a life and a murderer who causes pain when taking a life. The pain itself is not bad – intent is what matters. I am learning that I sometimes have to tell someone a painful truth in order to help them mature, change, or make a wise decision. If I use tact, care, empathy, and respect when I speak, the truth pill is easier to swallow. The temporary pain is for their good; if I withhold the truth because of my fear of rejection or negative reaction, I have put my comfort ahead of their well-being.

      Do I care enough to tell the truth?

  • Truth about my world – In our ministry, we used to do an honest evaluation of our progress every school quarter. We would look at the stats numbers and consider the brutal-truth information they provided. We would celebrate where we were doing well, and we would prayerfully adjust our plans and activities wherever we were missing the mark. Cloud calls this assimilation and accommodation.

The world is changing at breakneck speed. If I am not willing to let go of the “way we’ve always done it”, or if I mislead investors with a sugar-coated story that conceals the real numbers, or if I intentionally tell my teammates only a partial truth about my actions, I – and the organization – will never be able to grow to meet the demands of our reality. No growth = death.

      Am I willing to respond to the truth?

___________

Do you struggle with telling the truth?

What helps you remember that the truth matters?

are you happy to see me?

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My dog Mandy loves me. She wags her whole body as soon as she sees me. She dances a little jig, and if I would let her, she would joyfully do a five foot vertical leap to kiss me smack on the lips. Sometimes I forget to feed her on time, sometimes her water dish goes dry, sometimes I don’t give her any attention all day… It doesn’t matter; I don’t deserve it, but she is always happy to see me. 

People aren’t like that.

Henry Cloud, Patrick Lencioni and others state that one of the most important elements in relationships is trust… and I have to deserve it; I have to build it; I have to earn it. I have learned a lot about trust from Henry Cloud’s book, Integrity.

  • The first way that I earn trust is by connecting authentically with others. People feel like I connect with them if I listen for understanding – really hear them, with empathy and validation for their concerns. Connection happens when the people I work with feel that I truly value them, that I care, that I invest in them. I will not always do what they suggest, but they know I will hear them out, consider their ideas, and never discount how I affect them with my actions.
  • Trust is also built by looking out for other’s interests. Cloud calls this “extending favor”. In other words, I am “watching their back”, and I am on their side. That doesn’t mean that I don’t have goals or performance standards, but it means that I will do all I can to help, train, encourage or provide resources so that others are successful. If I have built trust, they can be confident that I will always speak well of them, and I will always speak up for them. They never have to worry that they might “get on my bad side” or that I might turn on them.
  • I also build trust by balancing power and vulnerability. Others can trust me when they see that I make things happen and get things down. I earn trust when I am competent and responsible, and when I follow through with what I said I would do. On the flip side, I also need to acknowledge my mistakes and faults at times. When I am authentic about my own challenges, others gain courage to face their own. When I am honest about my weaknesses and needs, others can identity; they are often willing to help, and we build more trust in the process.

Since trust is the basis of relationships, I need be constantly evaluating how I am doing in my relationships at work and at home. Am I connecting? Do they know I care? Do they know that I am “for” them?  Can they depend on me to get things done? Have I been real with them?

Are they happy to see me?

How do you build trust? How have others earned your trust?

(** If you enjoyed this post, you might also like “how’s my wake?” – more from Henry Cloud’s book, Integrity.)

a place to belong, a place to become

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We are finishing 17+ years of ministry in Mexico; we are sorting through our stuff, passing the baton… and my husband has been putting up (very) old pictures on Facebook. Some of those years of ministry were amazing – incredible growth, excitement, impact. As I reflected on that time, I realized we were living out our values. Those values are still relevant today as we move forward…

Faith: We all trusted God for big things and took steps of faith. We moved our family – with four young children – to a different country and started something new where there was nothing. We led an international team; many of them had also left their comfort zone and moved from their homes. Students took steps of faith to begin a relationship with God even when they faced family and friends’ rejection. Staff and students shared their faith boldly with others, took on new responsibilities, asked God to take charge of their future.

Where is God asking me to take a step of faith?

Development – Growth:  We committed to growing in community and building others to be all they could be. We prayed for our teammates and disciples, and created and followed through with semester plans for basic teaching, experiences, retreats, summer projects, etc. to provide an environment for growth. We worked in teams and shared leadership often. We moved out of the way and let others lead. We invited in teams from other places. We learned from them; they learned from us.

What am I doing to develop personally and those around me?

Effectiveness – Fruitfulness: We cared about results. Effectiveness meant fruit of changed lives – for eternity. We evaluated our goals and progress regularly – individually and organizationally. We asked for feedback from others and willingly changed the format of the meetings, tried crazy ideas, invented new materials. Sometimes we did something different to compensate for a weakness, sometimes to adjust for incredible growth. We did not settle for status quo.

Have I done an honest evaluation lately? Do I need to make some changes for greater effectiveness?

Unity: Our work on campus had incredible unity in purpose and personal relationships. Different cultures, backgrounds, fields of study, ages came to learn and grow together. Our early theme was ” a place to belong, a place to become“. Our teams of staff and students worked hard, side by side to create amazing skits, parties, outreaches, and conferences for a vision and passion bigger than themselves. Students sacrificed their time and money for each other. New people were welcome and deep, authentic, caring, long-lasting friendships came from studying the Word, praying, …and eating and playing together!  

What am I doing to build unity with my team or my organization?  

Integrity: Along with all the fun, there were also tough times. We confronted lying, bribery, immorality, interpersonal conflicts, suicide attempts – temptations and spiritual battles of all kinds. We did not ignore, hide, or excuse any behavior that might be a seed of division between people and God. We taught that God cares about every part of us; we cannot have sin in one area without it affecting the rest of us. We tried to live that example also.

Is there an area of my life that lacks integrity?

How would you respond to those questions? How do you make where you work or minister a place to belong and a place to become?

(**If you were involved in the ministry, please share with us what you remember!)