looking in the wrong place

I want to do something worthwhile, valuable, important. I want to leave a legacy. In an earlier post, I wrote about my discouragement and concern that I hadn’t left the culture change legacy that I wanted in the organization. Over time, the organization took on a different look, a different personality, and I felt like a failure…
Where was the legacy?

The other day, I was processing this struggle with my husband. The more we talked, the more I came to realize that I was looking for the legacy in the wrong place. I wanted an environment, procedures, and structures to display our influence after we were gone.

I think now that the organization simply provided the “front” for the work we wanted to do; it would not be my source of legacy. I believe I find my legacy in the people I worked for and worked with, in the changed lives – nurtured, grown, changed, empowered, hope-filled… in the environment we built to work from.

Perhaps the “temporary” place we created was never intended to last forever – maybe we built it as much for us as for others. It served an important purpose for a time. It provided a context for us to work out our calling… while we were there.

I am not really very concerned about turning organizations around. I do want to bring a positive influence, and I do hope to lay a path that makes it easier for others to follow. I think that I am more passionate about turning lives around. And that, thankfully, I did get to do from my leadership position.

Some of those changed lives will lead to generations of change. Many will use their influence to create and multiply environments where others can grow. Their changed lives mean changed families and changed businesses, and contribute to changed cities… and eventually a changed world! I feel more encouraged with my search… maybe my legacy is not so quickly and easily visible, but it is definitely a legacy that was worth the effort.

Where do you want to leave a legacy? Are you looking in the right place?

a teenage advocate

Today the world is praying for a teenage advocate. Malala Yousafzai became famous a few years ago when, as an 11-year-old girl, she wrote a diary/blog about her battle to attend school in Taliban controlled Pakistan. She wrote under a pseudonym at first for safety, but became internationally known a few years later when the Taliban fell from power, and she was nominated for the International Children’s Peace Prize in 2011. Just two days ago, she was shot in the head by fanatics who do not agree that girls have a right to education and a right to speak out about injustice.

This is a heartbreaking, gut-wrenching, infuriating wrong in our world today. I have not personally experienced anything like this kind of persecution for being a woman, but this is not one isolated case. There is way too much of this degradation, abuse, limitation, and violence against women and girls in our world today. I cannot ignore it.

Neither can I ignore or tolerate the “lesser” injustices of unfair treatment, off-color jokes, disrespect or lack of opportunities for women that I do encounter on a regular basis. I believe that those attitudes and actions reflect an incomplete understanding of the urgent and severe situation for women in the world. Rather than “laugh it off” or excuse it as unintended, culturally accepted, or not-so-bad, I believe that each of these situations is an important opportunity to educate, mobilize, and empower a society to correct the wrong and the sin in our world.

Malala needs our prayers today. We all need God’s help to do what is right. We need to encourage each other in our God-given value and our God-given purpose on the earth for good. May we join together, men and women, to protect our children from harm, educate and develop the talents and gifts He has given us, and work together to fulfill His good purposes in our world today.

What can you do as an advocate today?

fuera de control

¿Alguna vez has tenido uno de esos días-semanas-años, cuando todo se siente fuera de control? ¿Demasiadas personas con necesidades? ¿Demasiado en que pensar? ¿Demasiado que hacer?

Yo he estado allí. No, la verdad es que estoy allí ahora. A veces me siento como si no pudiera respirar, como si tuviera una piedra enorme presionando contra mi pecho. Otras veces me siento toda nerviosa y acelerada como si hubiera bebido demasiadas bebidas energéticas o demasiadas tazas de café. Hablo demasiado rápido, pero lucho para conectar algunos pensamientos coherentes. Un amigo lo describió como una bola de nieve… ideas remolinando por todas partes en su cabeza, incluso después de que ella se sienta o se acuesta a descansar. Algunas personas sueñan que están en un carro, rechinando llantas al dar vuelta en las esquinas mientras pierden el control o que salen volando al acantilado destrozando los muros de contención.

¡Detén el auto! ¡Quiero salir!

El problema es… Yo no estoy en un auto. Estoy viviendo la vida y no puedo salir. Puedo, sin embargo, aprender a controlar la velocidad y manejar mejor las curvas. Para controlar mi nivel de estrés, he practicado un par de consejos en los últimos años (que estoy volviendo a aplicar esta semana). Estos son algunos de ellos…

Hablar con alguien: Ayuda a tener otra perspectiva, recibir asesoramiento objetivo, escuchar experiencias y consejos, o simplemente reír con un amigo o mentor sobre el caos. No requiere mucho tiempo; una charla en el pasillo, una conversación honesta durante el almuerzo, una llamada telefónica o una cita en un café puede hacer una gran diferencia en mi actitud.

Recordar urgente versus importante: He puesto una presión innecesaria sobre mí misma porque quiero que se haga algo AHORA que no necesita realmente suceder de inmediato. Muchas citas puede ser re-programadas, fechas de entrega ajustadas, las facturas pagadas a plazos, proyectos soñados pospuestos para un mejor momento. Si algo está causando estrés, pero no es realmente urgente, estoy aprendiendo a dejarlo para más tarde.

Comprobarlo visualmente: Rápidamente sobrecargo mi calendario cuando generalizo las tareas y el tiempo disponible. Para contrarrestar esta situación, cuando siento la vida fuera de control, anoto todas las tareas o categorías grandes que tengo pendiente y luego programo un tiempo específico para ellas a fin de que el calendario me ayude a ver la realidad. “Lo haré mañana”, requiere que en realidad confirmo que mañana tengo algo de tiempo libre. “Lo puedo hacer la próxima semana” significa que hay un día vacío o parte de un día realmente disponible para la nueva idea. Si no tengo tiempo extra, tengo que entender – y ver – tengo que sacar un compromiso anterior fuera de mi agenda ​​cuando añado uno nuevo.

Pensar en el ritmo: La vida es un viaje, que va y viene. Hay fechas límites… y el aburrimiento, los semestres escolares… y las vacaciones, los amigos… y la soledad, los bebés recién nacidos… y los graduados, las bodas… y los funerales, la salud… y las crisis, los ascensos… y la jubilación, etc. Mucho de esto no podemos controlar, pero algunas cosas sí. No quiero añadir más estrés por encima del estrés por estar estresada. Cuando acepto y aprecio donde estoy y practico estos consejos cuando me es posible, respiro un poco mejor, pienso más claramente y mantengo el control.

Y tú… ¿Está tu día-semana-año fuera de control? ¿Cómo manejas el estrés?

luchando contra la marea

¿Alguna vez has sentido que estás “nadando contra la corriente”? ¿Has sentido que la puerta que mantienes abierta tiene un fuerte resorte de tensión que la azotará cerrándola tan pronto la sueltes? ¿Alguna vez has sentido que tu arduo trabajo y pasiones son como un castillo de arena que es arrastrado por el agua cuando sube la marea?

En lo personal he estado luchando con esa clase de sentimientos en las últimas semanas. En una posición de liderazgo que tenía en el pasado, dí mi mayor esfuerzo para propiciar un cambio de cultura en el que firmemente creo. Algunas de las cosas que impulsábamos eran el liderazgo de equipo, equidad en el valor y desarrollo de mujeres y hombres, integridad en carácter y finanzas, y una disposición de evaluar los resultados con honestidad.

Junto con mi esposo, tratamos de dirigir con el ejemplo; proveemos materiales y capacitaciones; honramos a aquellos compañeros de trabajo que demostraban los valores que nos distinguían, y celebramos el ambiente y crecimiento que resultaba de nuestros esfuerzos. Fue un arduo trabajo en donde había resistencia y ataques personales, y pagamos el precio física, emocional y relacionalmente.

De igual manera, fuimos bendecidos con el apoyo y motivaciones de unos compañeros, mentores, y la emoción de ver vidas transformadas. En su momento, pensé que el sueño de relaciones sanas y de una organización sana valía la pena todo ese dolor.

Lamentablemente, hoy en día mirando hacía atrás en esa experiencia, cuestiono más… mucho de lo que “construimos” ha desaparecido. Muchas cosas son diferentes; el ambiente, las personas, los resultados… Me pregunto, ¿Todo mi arduo trabajo logró algo en realidad? ¿Valió la pena la subida cuesta arriba tan solo por un cambio a corto plazo, un cambio superficial?

He aprendido mucho acerca de trabajar siendo líder. Ahora necesito aprender a soltar. Necesito vivir con la tensión entre el deseo por dejar un legado… y el contentamiento de haber dado lo mejor de mí cuanto me tocó hacerlo.

¿Tienes algún consejo para mí? ¿Qué haces cuando tu arduo trabajo es arrastrado por la marea?

working against the tide

Do you ever feel like you are “swimming up-stream”? Have you sensed that the door you hold open has a strong tension-spring that will slam it shut as soon as you let go? Have you ever felt like your hard work and passions are like a sand castle that is completely washed away when the tide comes in?

I have been struggling a lot with those kind of feelings the last few weeks. In a past leadership position, I gave my best effort to bring about a culture change that I believed in strongly. Some of what we encouraged was team leadership, women valued and developed equally with the men, integrity in character and finances, and a willingness to honestly evaluate results.

Together with my husband, I tried to lead by example; brought in resources and training; honored those co-workers who demonstrated the values we cherished, and celebrated the environment and growth that resulted from our efforts. It was hard work, there was resistance and personal attack, and we paid a price physically, emotionally, and relationally.

We were also incredibly blessed with encouragement and support from partners, mentors, and the thrill of changed lives. At the time, I thought the dream of healthy relationships and a healthy organization was worth the pain.

Sadly, today looking back on that time, I question more… so much of what we “built” is gone. Many things are different; environment, people, results… I wonder, did my hard work really accomplish anything? Was the up-hill climb good for only short-term, superficial change?

I have learned a lot about working as a leader. Now I need to learn about letting go. I need to live with the tension between desire for a legacy… and contentment with having given my best when it was my turn.

Do you have any tips for me? What do you do when your hard work is washed away?

just for fun… from a coffee fan

Which profession drinks the most coffee?

Thanks to Dunkin’ Donuts for this graphic! You can read the full article here!

How much coffee do you drink? 

señales de advertencia

Viajando por Nuevo México, nos detuvimos en una parada de descanso e inmediatamente estuvimos alertas gracias  a una señal que decía “Cuidado, víboras de cascabel en la zona!”

En  mi nuevo trabajo aquí en Orlando, todos los días paso por una señal que dice “Precaución, caimanes!” y camino con una visión periférica mucho más alerta.

Hay muchos peligros diferentes presentes dependiendo del lugar…dependiendo de las circunstancias… dependiendo de la persona.

Una señal de advertencia aumenta mi conciencia de una amenaza potencial  y a menudo cambia mi comportamiento para evitar una herida o un daño. 

La mayoría de las veces que pienso en advertencias, me preocupan las amenazas externas a mi seguridad, pero cuando pensé en estas señales esta semana, me di cuenta de que también hay muchos peligros que amenazan mi bienestar… amenazas contra mi paz interior, productividad y relaciones sanas… y puedo aprender a leer esas señales también.

Una de las señales más fuertes que he aprendido a leer en mi vida es el resentimiento. Por lo general tengo alta energía y soy muy extrovertida. Si comienzo a sentirme molestada por peticiones de ayuda, interrupciones en mi día o cambios en mi horario, reconozco que estoy en “peligro” debido a mi cansancio físico, saturar mi agenda o falta de límites en mis relaciones.

Otra señal para mí es la impaciencia. Disfruto ser coach y mentora, así que cuando prefiero hacerlo yo en lugar de dejar a alguien más que aprenda, o cuando no puedo darle gracia a alguien que no tiene la misma experiencia que yo o el mismo nivel de habilidad, mi impaciencia es una señal de “peligro” en las actitudes de mi corazón. Estoy llena de orgullo y muy enfocada en mí misma en lugar de ver los beneficios a largo plazo de desarrollar a otros.

Un espíritu crítico es otra señal para mí. Cuando estoy consiente que sólo me estoy quejando de lo negativo de situaciones o las debilidades de otras personas, esa es una señal muy clara para mí de que el estrés o el temor está amenazando mi usual optimismo y mis relaciones.

Éstas son solo algunas señales de advertencia que indican amenazas a mi paz interior y relaciones sanas. Cuando estas señales aparecen en mi vida estoy aprendiendo a evaluar qué amenazas están presentes y después cambiar mi comportamiento ¡para no causar heridas o daño en algún lugar!

¡Estoy segura de que puedo pensar en muchas otras! ¿cuáles son algunas señales de advertencia en tu vida? 

know your strengths

This week, I had an opportunity to work through various assessments that help identify my abilities. Myers Briggs (ESTJ), StrengthsFinder (Achiever, Learner, Input, Focus, Relator or Includer), Birkman, DISC (high I), SHAPE, and Spiritual Gift tests are just some of the resources available for greater personal awareness. They are also helpful for analyzing group or team dynamics. I appreciate these tools for continual growth.

Do you know what your strengths are?

I have been through many of these assessments through the years; some of the tests have been re-taken with very similar results each time. The atmosphere was not always the same however. In some past occasions, the profile results felt like a curse; they brought judgement and accusation from team members; they gave credence to team conflict but no hope. This time, it was encouraging to look at the results, fun to compare with my team, helpful to consider how we can work together and compliment each other on projects and tasks. I think I have matured over the years and can accept myself and appreciate others more.

Have you ever been misunderstood or criticized because of your strengths? Do you appreciate the differences in others?

The facilitator this week offered this encouragement; she explained that the profile was similar to one spoke of an umbrella, helpful to support understanding, but unable to offer a complete framework of identity. Although it is useful to know my strength areas, I may sometimes be called to work out of my weak areas also. My attitude and flexibility when that happens say a lot about me (my character) also. And while building on my strengths is strategic, I cannot neglect my weak areas or use them to excuse irresponsibility or lack of results.

What are you doing to develop your strengths? Are you aware of your weak areas and their effect on others?

I have found it really helpful to have a coach or mentor who helps me develop a plan to build my strengths. I choose one or two strong areas for further growth and one weak area. Next, I identify specific things that I can do to work on those areas. Sometimes it is helpful to consider any root causes that may have influence. My coach reviews my plan, checking to see that it is realistic, and then meets regularly with me to check on my progress, offer tips/advice, and encourage me. Those coaching appointments give me accountability and impetus to move ahead with my plan.

Do you have a coach or a mentor? Do you have a plan for personal development?

If you have any questions about this, please let me know. I believe that it is important to know and work out of our strengths – we have more joy and productivity in our life… and offer more grace and appreciation to others!

warning signs

Traveling through New Mexico, we stopped at a rest stop, and we were immediately on our guard, thanks to the “Beware of Rattlesnakes!”  warning sign posted nearby.

At my new job here in Orlando, each day I pass by this “Caution Gators!” warning sign, and I walk by with a much more alert peripheral vision.

There are many different dangers present depending on the place… depending on the circumstances… depending on the person.

A warning sign increases my awareness of a potential threat, and it often causes me to change my behavior in order to avoid injury or damage.

Most often when I think about warnings, I am concerned about external threats to my safety, but when I thought about those signs this week, I realized that there are plenty of dangers that threaten my internal well-being also… threats against inner peace, productivity, and healthy relationships… and I can learn to read the warning signs for those dangers too.

One of the strongest warning signs I have learned to read in my life is resentment. I am usually high energy and highly extroverted. If I begin to resent requests for help, interruptions in my day, or changes to my schedule, I recognize that I am in “danger” due to physical tiredness, over booking my agenda, or lack of boundaries in my relationships.

Another warning sign for me is impatience. I enjoy coaching and mentoring, so when I would rather do it myself than allow someone else to learn, or when I can’t give grace to someone who doesn’t have my same experience or skill level, my impatience is a warning sign of “danger” in my heart attitudes. I am pride-filled and too focused on myself rather than on the long-term benefits of developing others.

A critical spirit is another warning sign for me. When I am aware that I am only complaining about the negative in situations or the weaknesses in other people, that is a clear warning to me that stress or fear is threatening my usual optimism and my relationships.

These are just a few of the warning signs that indicate threats to my personal peace and healthy relationships. When these warning signs appear in my life, I am learning to evaluate which threats are present and then change my behavior so that I don’t cause injury or damage somewhere!

I’m sure you can think of many others! What are some of the warning signs in your life? 

out of control

Have you ever had one of those days-weeks-years when everything feels out of control? Too many people with needs? Too much to think about? Too much to do?

I’ve been there. No, actually I am there now. Sometimes I feel like I can’t breathe, like I have a huge boulder pressing against my chest. Other times I feel all jittery and accelerated as if I drank too many energy drinks or too many cups of coffee. I talk too fast, but struggle to connect coherent thoughts. A friend described it like a snow globe… ideas swirling everywhere in her head, even after she sits or lies down to rest. Some people dream that they are in a car, squealing around the corners out of control or flying over the guard rails.

Stop the car! I want to get out!

The problem is… I am not in a car. I am living life, and I can’t just get out. I can, however, learn to control the speed and handle the curves better. To manage my stress level, I’ve practiced a few tips over the years (that I am re-applying this week!). These are a few of them…

Talk to someone: It helps to get another perspective, receive objective advice, hear experience and tips, or just laugh with a friend or mentor about the chaos. It doesn’t require a lot of time; a chat in the hallway, an honest conversation over lunch, a phone call or coffee date can make a big difference in my attitude.

Toss the artificial deadlines: I put unnecessary pressure on myself because I want something done NOW that doesn’t really need to happen immediately. Many appointments can be rescheduled, due dates adjusted, bills paid in installments, dream projects postponed to a better time. If it is causing stress, but isn’t truly urgent, I am learning to let it go until later.

Test it visually: I quickly overload my calendar when I generalize tasks and time availability. To counter that, when life feels out of control, I write down every major to-do item or category that I have and then schedule specific time for it so that the calendar helps me see reality. “I’ll do that tomorrow” requires that I actually confirm that I have some free time tomorrow. “I can get to that next week” means that an empty day or part day is really available for the new idea. If I don’t have extra time, I need to understand – and see – that I will squeeze out a prior commitment when I add a new one.

Think rhythm: Life is a journey; it ebbs and flows. There are deadlines…and boredom. School semesters… and vacations. Friends… and loneliness. New babies… and graduates. Weddings… and funerals. Health… and crisis. Promotion… and retirement. Much we cannot control; some we can. I don’t want to add additional stress by stressing out over the stress. When I accept and appreciate where I am, and practice these tips when possible, I breathe a little easier, think more clearly and keep my car on the road.

How about you… Is your day-week-year out of control? How do you handle the stress?