Category Archives: life

¡dímelo a la cara!

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Fui a agarrar mi taza de café favorita esta mañana y la agarradera se sintió extraña, como si estuviera “gruesa”, pegajosa o que no la limpiaron bien. Casi sin pensar la tallé por un segundo y claramente se hizo evidente que fue más que una mala lavada.  Observé con más cuidado (difícil de hacer ya que seguía esperando tomar mi primera taza de café de la mañana), y se volvió obvio que la agarradera era fragmentos pegados juntos.  😦 Alguien había roto la agarradera de la taza, y decidió no decirme, y en lugar de eso pegó la evidencia – Supongo que ¿con la esperanza de que yo no me diera cuenta? ¡Sí seguro! (mis amigos saben que tengo un poco de fetichismo con las tazas…)

Esta situación me recordó a una pregunta “rompe-hielo” que escuché una vez… si estuvieras en casa de un amigo y el baño se tapara después de que lo usaste, ¿le dirías al anfitrión/anfitriona o tratarías de escabullirte sin ser observado y no pasar por la vergüenza de admitir el hecho… y pedir ayuda?

¡Me sorprendió mucho cuánta gente respondió que estaría muy avergonzada como para decir la verdad! Como dueña de casa con el don de la hospitalidad quien tiene MUCHA gente en su casa TODO el tiempo… déjame decirte ¡¡QUIERO SABER si mi baño no está funcionando!! Quiero poder arreglarlo y no quiero que el problema se haga peor con el tiempo (no necesito dar más detalles ¿verdad?).

También QUIERO saber si alguien rompió mi taza… no porque realmente me importe; solamente preferiría en gran manera saber que ser sorprendida por el hecho cuando busco mi taza en la mañana toda adormilada.

Me doy cuenta de que para animar a otros a decir la verdad, necesito responder correctamente cuando lo hacen… y es mucho más fácil responder bien a una taza rota o a un baño que no funciona, que responder bien a una falla de carácter o a una opinión contraria o a una decadente evaluación de desempeño. Es mi responsabilidad invitar agresivamente una retroalimentación veraz y considerar apropiadamente lo que me están diciendo… Esto no siempre es fácil y quiero crecer en ésta área. Mi reacción a la verdad afectará grandemente si la gente va a responder y decirme la verdad cuando la pido.

Ayuda me a aprender más… ¿Prefieres escuchar la verdad? ¿Qué te ayuda a responder bien cuando alguien “te lo dice a la cara”? 

got the gratitude attitude?

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I’ve been amazed the last few days by great contrasts in gratitude displayed.

In one instance, a fellow missionary friend received various favors and helps, but made only negative, complaining comments.

In another situation, a young lady, on her own initiative, said “thank you” various times, in the middle of a very busy schedule, to the people who had done something nice for her.

In both cases, the actions were so noticeable that a third-party, impressed by the behavior, came to tell me about it. Unfortunately, one was very encouraged, but the other felt frustrated and disappointed.

I’ve had people rationalize their lack of thankfulness with, “We don’t thank people for something when they are only doing their job” or “I’m not detail oriented. I don’t write notes”. They haven’t convinced me. In my opinion, these are just excuses for a lack of gratitude and an unwillingness to make the effort.

There are many ways to express gratitude. When I was little, my Mom taught me to write thank you notes for gifts or special treats. We taught our children to do the same. We also taught them to say “grace” before a meal, to “try a bite” to show gratitude for the food offered, and to say thank you to the cook before leaving the table. Living in a foreign country, we saw many examples of poverty and need, and our children learned gratitude for all they had. On teams, we say thank you in many ways (diplomas, gifts, financial and “day off” compensations).

Sometimes it takes extra time, effort, or even expense to say thank you; it is a habit we learn and can improve… mostly it just takes a sincere attitude of  gratitude. I know I can grow in my gratitude attitude… the picture I added to this blog has been going around on Facebook and Pinterest and challenges me greatly.

I can also learn from you…  How is your gratitude attitude? How do you say thank you?

building a reputation

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photo courtesy of myfear
Creative Commons license

Earlier this week, something was missing in my home after someone visited our “yard sale”. I was very frustrated because I thought the person had stolen from me. A day later, it actually turned out that I was mistaken; the item was found in an out-of-the-ordinary corner. I felt bad about my incorrect judgment of the person, and was grateful I hadn’t acted immediately on my suspicion. As I discussed the incident with a friend, I also learned something… I recognized how the person’s prior behaviors had caused me to think they that might actually be capable of stealing. In past visits, this same person had changed price tags, tore off tickets in hope of getting a lower price, and argued constantly pressuring for a better deal.  Nothing all that “bad”, but the accumulation of those prior small, negative behaviors had left me with a tainted view of that person’s character. 

I began to think about how the seemingly insignificant, minor daily choices regarding words and actions actually build a reputation… and how other people pre-determine their expectations of future behavior based on that reputation.

I began to consider… how are my actions and words building my reputation with others? Based on my past behavior, how do others think I will react in a future situation? If something was missing, would they think that maybe I took it?

Now maybe stealing is not actually an issue for me, but if gossip were going around, would others think I started it? If someone was hurt, would others suspect that I caused it? If someone felt unappreciated, would others consider that it was probably my fault? Do others avoid talking with me, because they expect me to react words that are critical or demanding?

Or, reflecting on how I have spoken and responded in the past, can others count on me to help? Can they expect me to tell the truth? Do they think I will treat others with love and grace? That I will handle a situation with integrity? That I will have patience?

Challenging questions to ask… How are my daily words and actions building my reputation? Based on my reputation, how do others expect me to behave?

who are you?

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The last few weeks have been full of farewell gatherings  – special times to say good-bye after 17+ years here in Mexico. People attended that I met on our arrival here and others who have only recently come into my life. So many different personalities, abilities, and shared activities that have shaped my experience.

A bit of reflection caused me to remember something I learned a long time ago about the different people who pass through our lives… here is my version of a few of them:

VTP (very treasured people)

These people are one-of-a-kind-awesome. Family. Close friends. Mentors. Encouragers. These are the ones who I miss when I’m not with them, whose e-mail I open immediately when it comes through, whose call I run to take.  These are the ones that really care about me; they are well aware that I’m not perfect, but they accept me, forgive me, love me, pray for me, and believe in me. In most cases, this relationship is reciprocal – I am also a VTP for them.  This is an elite group, and these very treasured people are the ones that have caused my eyes to overfill with tears and who I have hugged tightly because I don’t want to ever let go.

VIP (very important people)

I may not be as close with these people, but they are still special to me. I always enjoy being with them; I love hearing about their lives and families; I often wish we could get more time together.  These people are givers, not takers.  They add to my life.  They are dreamers, learners, doers.  They motivate me by their hearts and their actions. They are positive, authentic and growing. They have challenged my opinions; bettered my ideas; confronted me, and worked out our conflicts face to face. Very important people put a smile on my face when we are together, and I look forward to being with them again. I am grateful to have so many of these people in my life. My life is rich because of them.

VDP (very draining people)

I wish this was not a category, but VDP’s are part of my life too. Thankfully, they are not a big group. Some of these people are basically “nice; they just happen to be “needy”… takers instead of givers. They only seek me out when they want something from me.  On the other hand, some of these people are not so nice… they are negative, critical, and usually complaining about something. They talk behind my back rather than clarify with me; they criticize instead of helping; they have hurt those I care about. These have worn me down and worn me out. These are the ones who offer the superficial, obligatory handshake or kiss on the cheek, but hardly make eye contact.  I honestly won’t miss them…

Each person who touches my life helps form my character, as I do for others. The VDP’s (very draining people) in my life have actually taught me important lessons about finding my true identity, setting up helpful boundaries, and what I don’t want to do to others. I need to limit the amount of time I spend with people who drain me. Mark Twain said,  “Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.” I hope and pray, as I learn and grow, that I will appear very infrequently on others’ VDP lists.

On the other hand, I would like to be a VIP (very important people) for many – I want to add to their life: a hug, a laugh, a resource, a listening ear… and I consider it an incredible blessing to be a VTP (very treasured people) for a few. I need to make sure I get lots of time with these people!

How about you? Do you know who are the VTP, VIP, and VDP in your life? Are you getting the right amount of time with each group?  … And who are you for others?

happy 1st anniversary, maturitas cafe!

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I wish I could invite you to my Maturitas Cafe coffee shop for a free just-your-style coffee (or tea!) “on-the-house” in honor of our 1st year anniversary! Maybe we would request a basket of Mexican sweet bread for the table to celebrate. In an ideal world, we would definitely have sunshine lightly entering through the windows and energetic, lively music playing in the background… It would be such a treat for me to visit and talk with you!

I have been blogging for a year now… hard to believe! Some of the stats milestones:

  • over 5000 views (wow! that’s kind-of exciting for a newbie like me…)
  • grown from 5 to 50 views per day (that’s fun!)
  • over 80 posts (this has not been easy for me…)
  • over 250 comments (thanks for interacting!)
  • 30 regular followers (please do follow, if you enjoy the posts!)
  • 164  # of views on my busiest day
  • top blog for the year “cleaning house, cooking meals and a greater cause“

All in all, blogging has been a great mental challenge for me this year. I have learned about widgets and pingbacks, WordPress and twitter, tags and hyperlinks, word counts and (a little) html… It has been invigorating (at times frustrating) to push myself into something new. I have learned to process and summarize my thoughts, take feedback, increase my vocabulary, and be more creative.

My favorite part has been connecting with dear friends and making new friends – other bloggers, visitors from all parts of the world, friends of friends. Since busyness and geography make it impossible for us to visit regularly face-to-face, I am grateful for this media means to share and interact with you. I so appreciate your visits, I love reading your comments and learning from you, and I look forward to connecting with you more in the months to come!

The hardest part for me is the discipline to write regularly. Blogging helps me to set aside time to reflect on life’s experiences and lessons. As a true extrovert, I would much prefer to just talk out my thoughts – although they would often be an uncontrolled, jumbled, free-flowing mess! Here you get the sanitized, edited, organized me. 🙂

No telling what next year will bring… but I pray I’ll be growing, processing, influencing, leading and living for Him. I hope you’ll accompany me on the journey!

What is something new that you are learning?

¡feliz primer aniversario, maturitas café!

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Como me gustaría poder invitarte a mi cafetería Maturitas Café por un café gratis (o té) justo-como-te-gusta, “la casa invita” en honor de nuestro ¡primer aniversario! Quizá podríamos ordenar una canasta de pan dulce mexicano para celebrar. En el mundo ideal, tendríamos la luz del sol entrando por la ventana y música energética y vivaz escuchándose de fondo…¡sería un increíble regalo para mi poder visitarte y platicar contigo!

Ya he estado escribiendo este blog por un año… ¡difícil de creer! Algunos hitos estádisticos:

  • más de 5000 visitas (¡wow! Es emocionante para una novata como yo…)
  • aumentó de 5 a 50 visitas por día (¡qué divertido!)
  • más de 80 publicaciones (esto no ha sido fácil para mí…)
  • más de 250 comentarios (¡gracias por la interacción!)
  • 30 seguidores regulares (si te gustan las publicaciones, ¡por favor, conviértete en seguidor!)
  • El mayor número de visitas en un día: ¡164!
  • La publicación más visto del año: “limpiar la casa, cocinar y una gran causa“

Al final de todo, escribir este blog ha sido un desafío mental para mí este año. He aprendido acerca de widgets y pingbacks, WordPress y twitter, etiquetas e hipervínculos, contador de palabras y (un poco) de html… Ha sido vigorizante (a veces frustrante) forzarme a mí misma a hacer algo nuevo. He aprendido a procesar y resumir mis pensamientos, a recibir retroalimentación, a aumentar mi vocabulario y a ser más creativa.

Mi parte favorita ha sido conectarme con amigos queridos y hacer nuevos amigos –otros escritores de blogs, visitas de todas partes del mundo y amigos de amigos. Ya que las ocupaciones y la geografía nos impiden visitarnos regularmente y vernos cara a cara, estoy agradecida por tener este medio para compartir e interactuar contigo. ¡Aprecio tus visitas, me encanta leer tus comentarios y aprender de ti, y espero conectarme más contigo en los siguientes meses!

Lo más difícil para mí es la disciplina de escribir regularmente. Escribir un blog me ayuda a apartar un tiempo para reflexionar sobre las experiencias y las lecciones de la vida. Como una verdadera extrovertida, preferiría sólo decir mis pensamientos – ¡aunque frecuentemente serían un incontrolable,  confuso e imparable desorden! Aquí recibes la versión purificada, editada y organizada de mí. 🙂

No sé lo que viene el siguiente año… pero voy a orar para crecer, procesar, influenciar, liderar y vivir para Él. ¡Espero que me acompañes en la travesía!

¿Qué es algo nuevo que estás aprendiendo?

lessons learned climbing a volcano

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We had an incredible time climbing the Iztaccihuatl volcano yesterday. (Here you can read a blog my husband wrote about the volcano legend.) It was a demanding ascent through the snow to over 16,000 feet elevation. I learned some important lessons from the experience; I don’t want to forget them because I believe they are relevant to so much of life and leadership.

  • push beyond the comfort zone

This kind-of hike is not a normal everyday activity for anyone in our group. It was difficult – physically and emotionally… legs hurt; lungs ached; wet and cold harassed; nausea and headaches assailed, fear attacked; exhaustion was real. However, at the end, even those who had suffered most claimed it was a (horribly) awesome experience.

Isn’t it true that we often get to great achievement only through agonizing struggle? There is something very satisfying about pushing through the challenge to accomplish something worthwhile. Where can I push myself beyond my comfort zone to a greater challenge…physically, emotionally, spiritually, relationally, intellectually?

  •  prepare and take care

Without a doubt, previous exercise routine, warm wool and polyurethane clothing, and hiking quality boots made the climb easier. Extra socks, hats and gloves came in handy, as did the lemon-grass tea and the Ibuprofen and Excedrin tablets. It was also important to drink plenty of water and re-apply sunscreen throughout the day. (I learned this hard lesson last year – I paid a heavy price in sore muscles due to dehydration.)

It makes no sense to take on a big challenge unprepared. Strengthening ahead of time and planning well means I am ready for the test and can even support others. How am I training today for tomorrow’s challenges? What can I do better prepare for the future?

  • go with others

During the day we talked, laughed, took pictures and praised God’s creation together. All along the climb, different people battled seriously with fatigue, cold, fear, altitude sickness, and pain while others took turns to encourage each next step, accompany those who needed rest, help and protect on the treacherous slopes, share food/medicine/clothing supplies, and celebrate and rejoice at each milestone. I was so proud of those who persevered when it was tough and of those who served when others were weak. We made an incredible memory and “bonded” because of what we went through together.

I would never consider attempting a climb like that alone, and I was so impressed by the support and camaraderie offered that enabled others to achieve more than they could by themselves.  I need that kind of team in all areas of my life. Who encourages me? And who am I helping to accomplish what they could never do alone?

What have you learned from a challenging experience? Are you ready for the next one?

process ’til the end

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Last week I wrote a bit about “the process“… focusing mainly on the early years with a young family and times of growth and development. I am still in that process.

Sadly, this week I have been reminded more of the other side of the process… the years when life is coming to an end and it is time to prepare for a home-going.

Although I am not in that process personally just yet, I love very dear ones who are there. Their struggles cause me to reflect on life and challenge me to…

  • Live life to the fullest. This is not a new idea for me – I have heard it so many times.  But how very quickly I forget to really treasure the moment, the people in my life, and the blessings I have received each day. I lose focus easily and worry about the most insignificant things. I want to learn to get less frazzled about little things and take more time to give a hug and a smile… listen to the birds and the rain… smell the flowers and the freshly baked bread… see the good in people and respond to their needs… While I have energy and health, I want to work hard at the right things with great people and honor Him with each day.
  • Let go of the petty.  Recently I also read a sweet blog by a friend of mine about her interview with Corrie Ten Boom. It was such a powerful reminder of how important it is to forgive those that hurt me. I tend to take things personally and care too much about what people think about me. I get frustrated by indifference, criticism, gossip, lack of support. These are such small issues, but my bitterness can rob me of emotional energy and spiritual peace. I don’t want to lose precious time because of my stubbornness and unwillingness to forgive.
  • Train for the long haul.  Although it is true that good physical health may prove irrelevant at my eventual death, it is also true that good health will be a plus if I have to fight a disease at some time… and good health enables me to fully engaged in my life process today. If I exercise and eat well, I have more energy during the day and sleep better at night. I have better intellectual capacity, more stable emotions, and a better attitude for daily challenges. I don’t know how much time I have left in this world; I think it is a good idea to plan for a long ride.
  • Prepare the heart. I have already lived more years than a lot of people. I am grateful for the incredible, exciting adventure that I have had. I am especially thankful for the eternal security I have in my relationship with God. Coming to know Him in college has given purpose to my life and peace to my soul. I want to help others know Him.  I want to live for Him while I am on earth in such a way that I am ready to go home with Him whenever He calls.

So, until then, the process continues…

What is important in your process? Are you ready if your home-going is today?

it’s a process

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Get back in your chair.
Eat your food.
Chew with your mouth closed.  
Stop goofing around.
There will be no desert, if you don’t eat the vegetables.
Just try it – you might like it!

Doesn’t sound much like leadership advice, does it? I had four little ones, living far from family, and often felt like I was just hanging on by a thread.  Especially at meal times.

I remember reading a parenting book during those days where the author described family mealtimes as a treasure… all the family gathered around the table, telling stories, laughing, enjoying the togetherness… and I thought, “What planet are they from?” I couldn’t even imagine ever treasuring meal times; they were just a lot of work for me.

And those mealtimes were work – for a season.  We worked on basic manners, and we worked on gratefulness, respect, patience, self-discipline, conversation skills, and the willingness to try new things.  Character issues.  Future leader issues.

It was easy for me to get discouraged and tired and lose sight of how the small daily details fit into the big picture. It was easy to compare and feel like others were doing something more significant for the Lord…

I still struggle with that today.

But when I take time to get away with Him, God reminds me that every experience in life is an opportunity to grow and develop… or to invest and build in to others – future leaders. The small things are significant. My life matters. The daily disciplines help develop character. I just have to remember that the spilled milk and the sticky hands are all part of the process.

Do you get lost in the daily grind? What helps you remember that the process is important?

PS: Today I understand. Mealtimes with my crazy, incredible family are a treasure… but I still have to encourage them to eat their vegetables.