Category Archives: life

the gift of mentors and sponsors

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Mom ♦ Rod  ♦ Karen ♦ Cathy ♦ Sandy ♦ Greg  Steve(s) ♦ Andrea ♦ Judy(s) ♦ Henry ♦ Suzi Sharon ♦ Denise ♦ Layo ♦ Marcy ♦ Lulu     Ray ♦ Kendra ♦ Eric ♦ Ron ♦ Nancy(s)…

I have been incredibly blessed by mentors throughout my life. People who cared about me, invested their life into mine, challenged me and helped me grow. Some are family. Some are friends. Some were my boss. Some are authors I have never met. Some are co-workers. Some live nearby. Some I observed from a distance. Some are older, others younger. Some are like me. Some are practically my opposite in every way.

                                                                                                                                 

No one person was “everything” for me, but they have each played very important roles in my life:

  • taught me skills
  • introduced me to Jesus
  • challenged my selfishness
  • let me cry on their shoulder
  • encouraged me to speak and write
  • laughed with me
  • brought in fresh perspective
  • coached me through decisions
  • lived a godly example for me
  • offered grace
  • gave me feedback
  • shared from experience
  • corrected me
  • drank coffee with me
  • gave me hope
  • prayed for me

There have been many times in my life when I wasn’t sure what to do… when I wanted to give up… when I felt overwhelmed or beat up… when I wasn’t sure about a decision… when I needed help. These mentors spurred me on, built my confidence and strengthened my character. They helped me get through the hard times, and they encouraged me to take steps of faith and continue reaching for more.

I have also had opportunities to mentor others. One of my favorite things to do is to encourage and empower young leaders. Business gurus and discipleship experts say that we all need mentors. Sometimes mentoring and coaching is not a formal part of the organizational structure; then I need to take the initiative to make it happen.

When I want to advance and lead, I also need a sponsor – someone with positional power to make networking connections and advocacy recommendations for specific jobs and promotions. This is especially true for me as a women. Even though I often find mentors – formally or informally, I also need to have sponsors in advanced positions who can speak for me and give me opportunities. One aspect of my leadership positions that motivates me is that I can serve as a sponsor for others.

Thank you to each of you who believed in me. You are priceless treasures. You helped me believe in myself. I will be forever grateful.

Do you have a mentor and/or sponsor?  Are you mentoring someone?

caring for our calling

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Living out my calling as an image bearer and partner in God’s purposes is the great life adventure. My calling has value, power and purpose. God offers me abundant life, but the enemy of my soul would like to restrict and control me. I have identified four threats I battle in order to care for my calling.

                                                          CLICHÉ: As I mentioned in an earlier blog, human-made “rules”, communicated as cliché men’s and women’s roles, can inhibit my calling. Although I do not find clearly delineated role lists in the Bible, I do find lists of spiritual gifts. These gifts do not have gender limitations; there is incredible variety and freedom, and they are very important for determining my personal calling focus.

If I am gifted in prayer, service, mercy, teaching, leadership, exhortation, evangelism, or discernment, my particular gift(s) will show up as I work out my calling – at home, work and ministry. Self-evaluations and confirmation by others have helped me know how God has gifted me. When I operate out of my gifted-ness, I experience both great fruitfulness and great joy.

CULTURE: Having lived and worked internationally for many years, I have heard cultural excuses for limiting men’s and women’s opportunities and responsibilities.  Although I have a deep respect for culture influences, Biblical truth is my greater standard. Every culture has wonderful richness that we can glean, but no culture is perfect. Some culture norms go strongly against God’s commands. Jesus acted very counter-culturally in His interactions with women, in His service to the disciples, and in His encounters with sinners. When I choose to go “against the flow”, it sometimes carries a price – from subtle scoffing to strong criticism – but my most important priority is to honor God… and sometimes I get to demonstrate a new healthy example for others also.

COMPARISON: I am often my own worst enemy. Problems arise when I compare my gifts and desire another’s, or “grade” the gifts with different values. I criticize and judge others (“It’s not spiritual to…”) or struggle with feelings of inferiority and less value (“I should do more of …”). I take sides and disapprove of contrasting work choices, roles in marriage, and ministry involvement rather than embracing differences and expressing acceptance to others. Comparison is a powerful and effective weapon of the enemy. I’ve learned that I can fight comparison by giving grace and encouraging others instead.

COERCION: The extreme side of control is coercion – abuse, violence, exploitation. While I have never experienced these extremes, others do – especially women. Anytime I attribute less value to another (jokes, insults, inequity), I disrespect God’s calling for that person and weaken defenses against coercion. I am learning to respect and defend God’s value and purpose for every person.

One last thought… I can lay down any of my gifts/abilities/passions voluntarily and joyfully for a season – moment, day, …years even, in order to care for or serve another. Jesus limited himself for a time for us. However, that decision should not be imposed by clichés, culture, comparison or coercion… and it should always be done in the context of my value as an image bearer and my calling to be involved in God’s purposes.

I encourage you to get to know your unique gifting – also consider personality, experience, stage of life, etc – and then engage wholeheartedly in reflecting God’s image to a lost world. Enjoy the adventure!

cleaning house, cooking meals and a greater cause

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I came to know Christ personally in college and like many young single ladies, I started hearing immediately how to catch the man of my dreams be the submissive, supportive, spiritually attractive woman who would cause some dreamy man to pursue me. For those of you who know me, that was no easy task!

If you had asked me years ago about my marriage, I would have obligingly regurgitated many of the cliché Christian lingo regarding men’s and women’s roles that I had read in books and learned in seminars… woman is the “helpmeet” while man “works” and makes the decisions; woman’s job is to keep a clean home, fix nutritious meals, keep the kids under control, and be a great lover so the man is always content. If the woman is more gifted in an area than the man, she should limit herself and focus on making him look good. Somehow what the man does is always slightly more important because he is the “head”. (Disclaimer: I’m not sure that is always exactly what was actually said, but it is what I heard.)

I have been married now for almost 30 years – most of them quite happily – to my dream man (dreams can vary depending on the evening snack!). We have four amazing children. I was talking with one of them when he was home for Christmas, and we somehow arrived to the topic of marriage. As we talked, I realized my husband and I never really lived out that marriage cliché.

Instead, in our marriage, we were partners, co-workers and friends – both with equal value as God’s image bearers and part of His body. We made decisions together. We both cleaned house if needed – or even hired someone (a perk of being an international missionary) so that I could invest more time in homeschooling our children. I’ve cooked; we’ve had help cooking, and my husband does most of the cooking these days. We were both very involved with our children. We mutually submitted to each other’s needs. The truth is… we both saw home and family as a priority and a joy, but there were no specific rules about who should do what, and it often changed depending on the need.

We were also both involved in ministry. I realize now that was in perfect alignment with God’s Word… and the correct and complete understanding of that word “helpmeet”. The word translated “helpmeet” in Genesis 2:18 comes from the Hebrew words ezer kenegdo; ezer means help, and the word kenegdo implies a counterpart. The word is found in a military context and is used 19 additional times in the Old Testament – three times for country allies and sixteen times for God Himself when Israel needed help in battle. Since the same word that we use for women is used for God, I believe it implies incredible value and strength. God meant for women to be full-partner, strong warriors with men in the spiritual battles we fight against evil in this world.

Many of the decisions my husband and I made through the years were to enable me to participate as a full partner in the battle for God’s kingdom. I have hobbies, but much more importantly, I have a calling from God. Different life stages mean different daily tasks, but what I choose to do is important. Rather than limit my gifting, it is crucial for me to continually grow and develop, so that I can serve the Lord better at home and in ministry.

If you are a woman reading this blog, I encourage you to further study your calling as a co-warrior in God’s kingdom battle. I learned a lot from Carolyn Custis James’ book Half the Church. Your partnership strengthens God’s army. No matter your marital status, your stage of life, or your lifestyle… you have been called to be all you can be for Him! Never see yourself as less important. We all have daily tasks to do, but we should do them within the context of our primary calling. Never put limits on what you can do for Him.

If you are a man reading this, please consider being an active advocate for the women in your life. Encourage them in their worth and development, and facilitate in any way possible their full involvement in God’s Kingdom purposes.

_____

**I dedicate this blog to my incredible husband, Steve: my greatest fan, my most enthusiastic encourager, and my strongest advocate. You should follow him on twitter at @stickymex and read his blog: LeaderImpact or EquipoVida

I also want to thank my professor, Dr. Ray Wheeler, (Azusa Pacific – M.A. Global Leadership) for believing in me and helping me to believe more in myself.

today’s modern woman – pick any two!

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SawDust City Wood Signs

This silly, simple graphic made me laugh, and so I uploaded it on Pinterest on my “it makes me laugh” board.  Would you believe that only a few days later, it has been re-pinned almost 2500 times (!) and “liked” over 500 (!)?!

If that post were a YouTube video, we would say it went viral! It has certainly had more interest than any of my blog posts!  It has been seen by more people than I have as Facebook friends!  Why?

I believe one reason is because we need to laugh more! Laughter breaks the ice, softens the blow and heals the hurt… A good deep laugh has physical, emotional and spiritual benefits! Laughter is refreshing! Laughter tells those around us that no matter how difficult the circumstances, God is still good.

Then our mouth was filled with laughter And our tongue with joyful shouting; Then they said among the nations, “The LORD has done great things for them.” Ps 126:2  

These few lines also give healthy perspective to the lie that “we can do it ALL.”  The only one who is all-knowledgeable, all-present, and all-powerful is God; the rest of us have to make choices.  The rest of us have to leave some things for tomorrow and keep that to-do list around for a few more days.  The rest of us have to live by priorities, accept failure, and give each other grace – time and time again!

Lastly, since Pinterest is mostly frequented by women, I think that  board has challenged women to consider their primary roles in life. What is most important for me to do today? How do I best serve the Lord and those around me? I’m glad that this board shows that we can find humor in those options, because sometimes we are so busy comparing, criticizing, judging each other that we forget to value each other and encourage each other to be all that GOD wants us to be as women. (more on that in future blogs)

What do you think about it?

I hope this post gave you a good laugh today! Enjoy and pass it along to someone else who needs a smile!

auténtico – mi palabra para el 2012

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Mucha gente ha escogido una palabra que la defina para este próximo año…así que decidí pedirle a Dios que me diera una también. Esto es lo que escuché – AUTÉNTICO – mi palabra para el 2012.

                 Auténtico significa: no falso o copiado; genuino; real.                              También acreditado de cierto y positivo por los caracteres, requisitos o                                                   circunstancias que en ello concurren;                                             y honrado, fiel a sus orígenes y convicciones.

emociones auténticas – Estamos pasando por muchos cambios este año – vamos a regresar a los Estados Unidos después de más de 17 años viviendo en nuestro hogar internacional en México. Este cambio tan grande genera anticipación y pérdida. En los siguientes meses quiero ser auténtica acerca de cómo me siento – sin fingir que siento más o que siento menos de lo que de verdad es…no es fácil para decir adiós; a veces quiero desaparecer el dolor. Este año quiero entristecerme genuinamente y dejar que la gente sepa cuánto aprecio el impacto que han tenido en mi vida y cuánto voy a extrañarles.

temores auténticos – El cambio es difícil. Frecuentemente tengo miedo que no voy a estoy a la altura de las nuevas expectativas; que no tendré nada que valga la pena contribuir a una situación nueva; que no sabré lo suficiente para cumplir con la tarea. Me pregunto si “cabré” en el lugar nuevo; ¿me va a gustar? Usualmente controlo y conquisto esos temores y decido tomar el desafío de todas maneras, pero este año me gustaría ser más real acerca del proceso y de la lucha que enfrento. 

necesidades auténticas – No me gusta sentirme estúpida, desinformada o fuera de causas importantes (¿un poco de problema con el orgullo aquí?). Me gusta hacer las cosas bien y no me gusta tener que pedir ayuda. La verdad es que, sin embargo, tengo mucho que aprender y hay muchos quienes pueden ayudar a enseñarme. Quiero leer más este año y hacer más preguntas. Quiero comentar con otros lo que estoy leyendo y aprender de ellos. Quiero hacer una diferencia con mi vida y quiero hacerlo junto a otros. Necesitaré admitir honestamente mi necesidad para poder hacer estas cosas.

auténtico yo – Quiero caerle bien a la gente y que disfruten pasar tiempo conmigo. Quiero que la gente me pida mi opinión y que lea lo que escribo. A veces finjo ser más como los demás – y menos como realmente soy — para agradarles. A veces quiero creer que tengo todo bajo control en lugar de considerar lo que otros de verdad ven en mí. A veces quiero ser como alguien más, pero en 2012 voy a trabajar en estar “ok” con ser yo misma – fiel a mi personalidad, espíritu y convicciones.

auténtica relación con Dios – Ésta área será la más importante y la base para todos los retos que mencioné anteriormente. Debería ser más fácil, porque Él ya sabe quién soy realmente. Me pregunto si Dios sacude su cabeza y pone gesto de fastidio cuando me ve fingiendo. O si Él llora… queriendo que yo acepte y esté contenta con la manera en la que Él me hizo. Planeo tener algunas pláticas auténticas con Él acerca de eso este próximo año.

¿Y tú? ¿Quieres ser más AUTÉNTICO conmigo este año? ¿O cuál es tu palabra (o palabras) para este 2012?

Me encantaría aprender de ti.

authentic – my word for 2012

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Lots of people are picking a defining word for this next year… so I decided to ask God to give me one too.  This is what I heard – AUTHENTIC – my word for 2012.

                                     Authentic means: not false or copied; genuine; real.                               Also entitled to acceptance or belief because of agreement with known facts or experience; reliable; trustworthy and true to one’s own personality, spirit, or character.

authentic emotions – We are going through a lot of change this year – moving from our 17+ year international home in Mexico back to the States. This huge change creates anticipation and loss. In the next months, I want to be authentic about what I feel – not pretend to feel more than I do…not pretend to feel less… It is not easy for me to say good-bye’s; sometimes I want to stuff the pain. This year I want to genuinely grieve and let people know how much I have appreciated their impact in my life and how much I will miss them.

authentic fears – Change is hard. I am often afraid that I will not measure up to new expectations; I won’t have something worthwhile to contribute to new situations; I won’t know enough for the task. I wonder if I will “fit” in the new place; will I like it? Usually I control and conquer those fears and take on the challenge anyway, but this year I would like to be more real about the process and the struggle I go through.

authentic needs – I don’t like to feel stupid, uninformed or un-involved in important causes (a bit of a pride issue here?). I like to do things well, and I don’t like having to ask for help. The truth is, however, that I have a lot to learn, and there are many who can help teach me. I want to read more this year and ask more questions. I want to discuss what I am reading with others and learn from them. I want to make difference with my life, and I want to do it together with others. I will need to honestly admit my needs to do that.

authentic me – I want people to like me and enjoy time with me. I want people to ask my opinion and read what I write.  Sometimes I pretend to be more like others – and less like the real me – so that they will like me. Sometimes I want to believe that I have it all together instead of considering what others actually see in me. Sometimes I want to be like someone else, but in 2012 I am going to work on being “ok” with being me – true to my personality, spirit and character.

authentic relationship with God – This will be the most important area and the basis for all the issues above. It should be easier, since He already knows what I am really like. I wonder if God shakes His head and rolls His eyes when He sees me faking it? Or does He cry… wanting me to just contentedly accept how He made me? I plan to have some very authentic talks with Him this next year about that.

How about you?  Want to be more AUTHENTIC with me this year?  Or what is your word(s) for 2012?

I’d love to learn from you!

use the past to build your future

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Facebook and Twitter are full of “new beginnings” this month… everyone with thoughts of leaving behind the last year and starting fresh.  I love the idea of new starts, but I have been thinking about the fact that it is also important to build on the past – not just wipe it away and forget about it.

The past year is important for building the future.

  • the past shows me where I need to grow

It is a humbling experience to review the past year and recognize where I messed up or where someone pointed out that I needed to grow. I remember work reviews that indicated my leadership weaknesses. I remember apologizing to my co-workers because my stress level made me critical and grumpy. I remember comments on my MA papers that indicated writing methods I didn’t know or challenged me to “step it up” and take more risk. There will be many opportunities for me to grow this next year. I wrote about an idea for recording some of these areas now so I can look back at the end of the year and see the difference!

  • the past reminds me that I am not in control

There were so many things that happened last year that I would not have done that way IF I was in control. I would not have had so many dear people die, or struggle with cancer, or get hurt by mean comments, or struggle to pay bills, or … But I couldn’t stop that pain, and I couldn’t make other good things happen that I wanted. God is God, and I am not. The past reminds me of that truth for today and the future.

  • the past teaches that I can make choices every day

I get to decide HOW I will handle what happens each day. Will I greet adversity with faith or fear? Will I treat people with love or with judgement? Will I spend time in reflection or be too busy for that? Will I waste my time, or will I invest in my health, energy, experience and resources to help others? I didn’t always make the best choices last year; I know that, but I made some good choices. And I get to make new choices today and in the days to come.

  • the past confirms that God is present and He is good

No matter what I look back on, I see that God redeemed, restored, renewed or refreshed – even during very difficult situations. I enjoyed wonderful times with family, incredible memories, great friends, laughter, goals reached… and I prayed anguished prayers and cried over tragedies and pain. He was always there, He was always involved, and He always brought some good out of the circumstances. My past experiences tell me that He will also be there and act that way in this year ahead.

We often say, “Reality is our friend”. The past is part of our reality; the past is our friend. You might want to take time to reflect on your past year in these next days, learn from its lessons… and build on that past for an even greater future!

I’d love to hear… What has the past year taught you?

in front of an audience of ONE

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I read a blog today about a young lady who is writing a book and receiving a lot of flack for building her “platform” – her own reputation – as she launches this effort.  It made me reflect on how much we desire to do something valuable, worthy, significant with our lives... and yet don’t want to be prideful or showy or pushy about it.

I also thought about how God sometimes chooses to put us in the spotlight – as leaders, as writers… and some are given a platform: “popular”, famous, celebrity.  Sometimes the status is short-term; sometimes it is a life-style.  Praise God for those who represent the Lord on a BIG scale… in ministry, at bookstores, in politics.  May He protect them from temptation and criticism, and may He give them energy, health and strength to share love, forgiveness and eternal life with thousands!

And for the rest of us?  God has also chosen us and given us a job.  It may not be up in front on the platform.  It may be behind the scenes, not so flashy, but every bit as important.

I am content today to have had a part the last few years developing materials for our many Campus Crusade ministries in Mexico.  None of the materials have my name on them; I earn no royalties and sign no autographs.  I spent a lot of time doing boring detail work. But the result is quality resources that encourage and empower others to step out to reach and disciple others with God’s love. Sometimes I get a little feedback, but basically I have no idea how many people will use these materials – and I will never know…

But God knows! I stand on a platform in front of an audience of ONE… and that is good enough for me. I want to give my best to Him and for Him, no matter what I am doing.

And you? Whether you are at home caring for young children, serving in the church kitchen, working in the office, leading others in a Bible study, writing a blog – or speaking to thousands at a conference – do your best for HIM!  He is your most important audience, and He is applauding your show!

**Leave me a comment and let me know about your show! I’d love to pray for you!

parents building world leaders

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Photo courtesy of Sarah Joelle Photography http://www.sarahjoellephotography.com/

In the middle of diapers, bottles, tantrums, and discipline, it may not seem like you are building world leaders, but YOU ARE! You will never invest more time, energy or love in another disciple, mentee, or young leader as you will in your own children. What you teach them when they are young is important… and is the basis for deep values and convictions they will – or won’t – have when they are adults. Here are a few “leadership training ideas” that we tried to implement as a parents that we hope have helped our children better prepare for the world tomorrow.

Value people – We taught our children to greet people respectfully. When we introduced them to someone, we asked them to respond with “hello” and a handshake or other appropriate greeting. As they got older, a “It’s nice to meet you. My name is…” was appropriate. Maybe there was a question or two more; then they could run off to play. They didn’t have to stay around for boring adult conversation unless they wanted, or it was appropriate. We felt that we did them no favor to excuse their disobedience with, “He’s too shy.” Just as God values people, they learned to value people also. As adults, they will have opportunities to say hello to the person next to them on the plane or next door, or at work. We hope they will remember their training and think, “I can do that… just say hello. If the conversation goes further, that’s great. If not, ok too. But I can show them honor and respect. I can do that.” Who knows where a simple introduction might lead…

Healthy Limits – I wasn’t sure why I didn’t like my child playing with the things in my purse. I thought maybe I was being selfish, that they were just curious and exploring. But I soon realized that children should learn healthy limits. We taught them that not everything in the house was theirs to touch or take. It was important that they learned to ask permission before touching something that belonged to someone else, whether it belonged to their brother, sister, parent, or friend. When they practiced this at home, it was not so difficult to take them to visit somewhere else. When children learn that not everything is theirs, they are better prepared as adults to be content with what is theirs and to appropriately respect the bodies and belongings of others.

Flexibility – We traveled often and needed “reproducible routine”. Especially at bedtime, we wanted a routine that was easy do somewhere else: story, prayer, maybe a favorite blanket/toy… but not complete dark, fan, no noise, etc that might be impossible in new places later. This simplicity allowed our children to be much more flexible for traveling and for practicing hospitality (sharing or giving up their room temporarily for others). They learned that, “Not everyone is always going to cater to you!” This helped to temper selfishness and “high maintenance” in the future.

Communicate – Communication skills are so important, and there are so many ways to grow those skills when children are little. The key for us was: Don’t speak for them once they can say it themselves. Even before they can talk, we taught them to communicate “please” and “thank you” with sign language. They learned to apologize and ask for forgiveness. We gave them opportunities to go to the counter to ask for a straw or napkin. When they were older, we encouraged them to talk with a teacher about getting extra help to improve a poor grade. As children learn to communicate, they gain confidence and ability. They learn to build relationships and to use their words to bring blessing to others.

These are just a few training opportunities for our young leaders. We would often say, “We’ll always love our children, but we want other people to like them too.” There are long-term benefits for our daily efforts. You are building the future!

What are some of your training opportunities?  How do you keep the future in mind as you raise up your future world leaders?

are you dangerous?

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I first saw this Creed in Judy Douglas’ post: Are You a Dangerous Woman? on her blog:  www.inkindle.wordpress.com              (Thanks, Judy!)

It was written by Lynne Hybels, writer, speaker, and wife of Bill Hybels.  She wrote it as the “Dangerous Women Creed” and it is presented below as it was printed in 2008 Synergy Program.

Although it was written specifically for women, I believe it is powerful for any person!

Dangerous Women Creed:
Dear God, please make us dangerous women.

May we be women who acknowledge our power to change, and grow,

and be radically alive for God.
May we be healers of wounds and righters of wrongs.
May we weep with those who weep and speak for those who cannot

speak for themselves.
May we cherish children, embrace the elderly, and empower the poor.
May we pray deeply and teach wisely.
May we be strong and gentle leaders.
May we sing songs of joy and talk down fear.
May we never hesitate to let passion push us, conviction compel us,

and righteous anger energize us.
May we strike fear into all that is unjust and evil in the world.
May we dismantle abusive systems and silence lies with truth.
May we shine like stars in a darkened generation.
May we overflow with goodness in the name of God and by the power of Jesus.
And in that name and by that power, may we change the world.
Dear God, please make us dangerous women. Amen.

I want to be dangerous.  How about you?