Category Archives: team

how to form a real team

Posted on by
8

“One of the problems some teams have is the assumption
they are a team… when they aren’t.”
Mark Miller

IMG_1068I am just home from a 10 day trip to Panama City, Panama. I was part of a Latin America area-wide conference for both Leadership Development/Human Resources (LDHR) and Operations personnel in my organization. It was a historic meeting; we’ve never had that many country representatives for those positions… and we’ve never held a meeting together to emphasize how important partnership is in our work.

I loved the opportunity to mentor and coach the new LDHR leaders. It was thrilling to watch their vision and passion transform into deeper understanding and action steps. I believe there will be a lot of progress in how these important people care and develop the staff and volunteers in their respective countries.

I also enjoyed working with my Latin America Area Team to lead the event, teach the lessons, and consider future next steps. Since we are a virtual team – we all live in different countries and meet usually only by Skype – it was a treat to interact together. Before I left for the trip, I read an article about the difference between work groups and “real teams”. Some of my teammates put these principles of real teams in action while we were together.

Connect – “How are you doing?”

Some of my teammates showed true interest in me as a person. They asked questions about how was I doing, comments I made, and my personal life – not just our work. They encouraged me after I taught a session, and they gave sincere feedback about how to improve. They invited me to eat meals with them, to help with some of their tasks, and to give my opinion on projects. We were not just siloed individuals working alone on separate pieces of the job; we were interdependent, and I felt valued and cared for by my teammates who demonstrated this characteristic of “true teams”.

Deepen – “What do we need?”

In some of our conversations, we were talking about emotional, stressful, frustrating or challenging topics. Some of my teammates avoided or tabled the complex and conflicting issues, while others actually initiated the deeper conversations. I really appreciated it when my team mates challenged my attitudes or the way I was dealing with some of my feelings. “True team” members understand that differing perspectives and opinions are a benefit to teamwork, and so they face and resolve misunderstandings and conflict. My teammates built trust when they invested the time to look at the harder, deeper issues with me.

Dream – “Where are we going?”

Besides looking at personal and conflict issues, my “real team” members also took time to dream about the future together with me. Although we are aware of problems and lack of resources and man-power, we also knew that our work and our efforts meant we are making forward progress. I greatly valued the times when we talked about building a caring culture, learning from mistakes, changing old paradigms, and finding new hope. That kind of conversation makes me want to work as part of the “real team”.

Have you experienced working as a “true team”? What elements of “true team” are important to you?

what women add to a team

Posted on by
2

Business TeamDo you remember that awkward elementary school experience – two scrawny kids choosing the players for their team? There was always a tension between picking a friend because you liked them and picking a “star” because you wanted to win.

Whether it was a debate team or a football team, you needed a variety of players to cover offense and defense. Your choices didn’t always work out as planned. The thick glasses didn’t always guarantee intelligence any more than extra height ensured skill under the basket, but certain general characteristics proved to increase your chances for victory.

I firmly believe that men and women live and work best together in partnership, and I have experienced many times that the best teams are often diverse, not only in gender, but also in age, personality, strengths, and cultural background.

Earlier, I wrote about some of the challenges facing diversity, specifically gender diversity on leadership teams. I mentioned that more information can often facilitate positive change. Here are some ways that women’s participation makes teams healthier and stronger. I have also listed some articles below that support these three points. 

Men and women are like two feet—
they need each other to get ahead.
Helen E. Fisher

Women add integrity.

In my experience, the women on my teams consistently committed to maintaining a high standard of fiscal, legal, and labor integrity. When women participated on the teams, we implemented accountability systems, complied with necessary policies and laws, and quickly investigated decisions that appeared questionable. Financial partners, funding, and the organizational reputation for integrity increased as a result. When women participate on a team, there is great potential to build a strong ethical, moral, and integral foundation. 

Women strengthen collaboration.

On mixed teams, the team members rarely worked alone in siloed responsibilities. Instead, the women facilitated true teamwork by ensuring regular communication and interaction, systematic sharing of ideas, and fostering a healthy feedback culture. They promoted honest personal and productivity evaluations. The women were approachable, quick to ask clarifying questions, reciprocally helpful, and loyally supportive of team decisions. Mixed gender teams often led to better ideas, better decisions, and greater productivity and growth.

Women foster personal development.

The women I worked with prioritized personal and team development, often establishing strong mentoring relationships and coaching. They actively demonstrated concern for team member’s growth and well-being. The women readily participated in 360 evaluations, team building activities, and conflict resolution. They were good listeners, discerning, and keenly aware when alignment was missing. They were often very successful at recruiting, training and empowering their future replacements. Women leaders contribute to the effectiveness of a team’s leadership pipeline. 

I believe that great leadership ultimately depends on character, and that calling, competency and chemistry are also important for successful teamwork. Diverse teams do not ensure automatic success, but in our complex and constantly changing society, I am certain that they are one of our wisest recruiting strategies.

How have you seen women add to your teams?

McKinsey & Company. (2008). Female leadership, a competitive edge for the future. Paris, France.
Zenger, Jack and Folkman, Joseph. “Are women better leaders than men?” blogs.HBR.org. March 15 2012. Web. Jan. 26 2013.

why is diversity so hard?

Posted on by
Reply

studying togetherWhy is it so hard?

I often asked this question regarding my children when they couldn’t seem to get along. I have asked it about financial integrity, about exercise discipline, and about conflict resolution. These good goals seem to immediately attract excuses, emotional responses, and resistance as soon as we mention them.

Today, however, I ask it about men and women working together with mutual respect, equal opportunity, and sincere appreciation of the varied passions and strengths that both bring to the table.

Why is diversity so hard?

Why haven’t we been able to eliminate the disrespectful jokes and comments? Why don’t we apply the abundant literature that states how important it is to have gender diversity on teams and in leadership in order to increase the health and productivity of our organizations? Why do we continue to make excuses for antiquated policies and “old school” leaders that we know need to change? Why aren’t we willing to have honest and open discussions about moving beyond stereotypical criticisms and moving toward understanding, equity, flexibility, and progress?

I have actually been blessed to work in many situations and on many teams where men and women contributed and collaborated well together as unique individuals, valuing and appreciating variety in gender – as well as culture, age, experience, and expertise. Sadly, I have also worked in settings where people chose sides in constant battles for respect and opportunity.

I don’t believe there is any legitimate reason for such disparity and division between men and women. My faith tells me the root cause is our selfish sin…. thinking more highly of ourselves than we think of others, which leads to lack of respect, competition, insecurity and defensiveness. Maybe that is why this struggle is so entrenched and why it is so hard to defeat.

Although I get weary of the conflicts and I don’t have answers to all the questions, I think this challenge is worth fighting for – just like sibling love, balanced budgets, a strong body, and healthy relationships. Excuses, emotions, and resistance yield to information, open communication, and accountability for positive change. Offenses can transform into advocacy. I’d like to see grand-scale improvement, but many days I accept being content with small steps of progress. I start with changes in my life, and then I move to being an example for others. Maybe it will always be hard… but it can get better.

One day our descendants will think
it incredible that we paid so much attention to things
like the amount of melanin in our skin
or the shape of our eyes or our gender
instead of the unique identities of each of us
as complex human beings.
-Franklin Thomas

What do you do with hard situations? How do you bring about change?

a coaching process you can use

Posted on by
Reply

I get my love of sports from my Mom. Actually my Dad also encouraged my individual sports (tennis, skiing, running), but Mom is the one who loves all team sports and watches the games faithfully. I even like sports movies, especially those where the underdog team or player rallies to a miraculous win at the end.

Coach - courtesy of morgueFile free photosIn all of those movies and in real life, the person who inspires, comes alongside, and brings out the player’s best for the unexpected, against-all-odds, fist-pumping success is the coach. A great coach knows the player’s strengths and weaknesses, and they believe that the player can grow and improve. The coach cannot do the hard work for the player, but they can help the player move forward towards their dream.

Even outside of sports, coaching is important. Parenting older children, mentoring friends, and professional job situations all offer opportunities to coach.In our organization we use a coaching process that is transformational for coaching situations. Instead of trying to fix the problem or give advice, this simple process guides a conversation from the present “Where are you now?” to the future “Where do you want to be?”

The first step is to focus the conversation. Ask the person being coached, “What can I help you with today?” or “What would be most helpful for you to discuss today?” or “What is the focus of our appointment?” It may take a while for them to distill their needs or thoughts into a simple answer, but this is important since there is no way to work intentionally on an unclear goal.

Second, explore options. Brainstorm without a commitment to any particular idea at this time. The coach asks, “How do you think you could…?” “What are ways you might…?” “Where could you find…?” “Who could help you with…?”

Third, plan next steps. After brainstorming many options, it is time for the person to choose the best option that surfaced. It is important to ensure that the chosen option is SMART: specific • measureable • achievable • relevant • timely (due date). Help your coachee plan carefully and completely by asking them, “And then…? And then…?”

A crucial, but often neglected, fourth step is to address the obstacles. Good coaches deal with reality. Assuming a simple, clear, unchallenged path to the goal is naive. A really big obstacle might return the conversation to the second step to explore other options; the discussion does not have to be linear.

Last, take time to allow the coachee to review and close. The coach should not do the review. Make sure the person being coached can summarize what they have decided to do and who will hold them accountable for their plan.

A first conversations using this process may feel stiff or unnatural – probably because we usually do a lot more talking and a lot less question-asking – but it will feel more comfortable with practice. You will like the results. As you coach, praying, observing, and listening well are key.

… And don’t forget to celebrate and encourage the “wins”! A good coach knows how to do the vocal-cord-stressing, all-body gyrating, don’t-cares-who-sees-me victory dance along with their players!

Who could you take through this coaching process? How can you improve your coaching skills?

This printable card can help you remember this coaching process. __________________________________

missional women button

(It is a privilege for me to write as a contributor for Missional Women. This post was originally published there.)

maturitas cafe – best of 2012

Posted on by
Reply

I would love to enjoy a steaming cup of black coffee with you at a comfy, warm cafe. We could talk about so many things – work, family, teams, marriage, life! We might laugh or cry or philosophize, and share advice or struggles or funny stories. We might disagree about a topic or empathize completely. No matter what, I know we would end our visit grateful for the time together.

Until we have that opportunity, I am grateful for the chance to connect this way. THANK YOU for reading and leaving your “likes” and your comments. You have challenged me and encouraged me this year. You have led me to new blogs, new ideas, new friends. I appreciate you very much and look forward to learning more together in 2013!

In case you are new to this blog or might have missed a post, here are some of the top (most read) posts of 2012. Feel free to look around at the archives too. Remember every post is available in English and Spanish…

eng top 5top five English posts:

today’s modern woman – pick any two

cleaning house, cooking meals and a greater cause

are you dangerous?

communication styles

tips for long lasting friendship and marriage

sp top 5top five Spanish posts:

la motivación y el ánimo

lo que aprendo de una venta de garage 

¿hay mágia en los equipos?

¿tienes la actitud de gratitud?

limpiar la casa, cocinar y una gran causa

You might also enjoy reading a little about me and why I started this blog:

coffee as a way of life      why a blog?

 Thanks for joining this journey! 

Please let me know… what was your favorite post this past year?

leadership is hard

Posted on by
10

hard leadershipI been discouraged about leadership lately. Every time I think about it; I think of the word – hard. Leadership for me has been hard: hard work, hard on my health and relationships, hard on my emotions.

Leadership is hard when I start…

The inevitable learning curve – so many unknowns, so much new: people, partner inter-relationships, systems, policies, standards, expectations, schedules. Insecurity. Comparison. Uncertainty. So many questions: Can I do this? Will others respect me? Can we accomplish the mission? Where to start? What are the first steps? Where can we find some quick wins?

Leadership is hard in the process…

Constant crisis. Problems. Challenges. Never enough leaders, resources, or funding. Bad attitudes, resistance to change, gossip and back-biting, team conflict, long hours, extra meetings. I struggle with setting boundaries, discerning my – and others’ – responsibility, balancing my heart and my head in decisions.

Leadership is hard when it’s over…

It is hard to watch others take over – with new ideas, other ways of doing things, different values. It is hard to watch prior co-workers struggle with the change, feel less valued in the new systems, lose their positions and their jobs. I have no authority or influence, but I still have concern and care. I observe from a distance – powerless, frustrated, trying to trust and believe the best, knowing I need to move on.

Days like today, I don’t want anything to do with leadership.

… and then I remember… leadership was also hard for the Greatest Leader of all time.

He had difficult, humble beginnings. He didn’t have my confidence issues, but He did have to prioritize His work. He experienced all kinds of conflict in the culture, society, and with His co-laborers. He dealt with others’ immaturity, character issues, and lack of integrity. He got tired; His leadership finally got Him killed. And then He had to leave the job to others who didn’t appear ready. They didn’t continue to do things like He did.

… but that was all part of the plan.

Yes, leadership is hard. The trick is to expect the hard parts, rather than trying to escape what is difficult. The key is to face into the challenges and grow up to handle them. Hard isn’t necessarily bad.

And remember, when we lead, we are in good company.

What do you do when leadership is hard?

communication styles

Posted on by
4

The single biggest problem in communication
is the illusion that it has taken place. 

George Bernard Shaw

                                                                                                                                  Communication is essential for all relationships. It is the way we connect with others, the way we explain our needs, wants, values, concerns, fears, and dreams. Poor communication results in misunderstandings, unmet expectations, and conflicts. Healthy communication leads to cooperation, mutual understanding and intimacy.

We learn to communicate at a very young age. We develop different communication styles based on our personality and our experiences, and we develop communication skills that facilitate the style that works best for us.

This week I learned about a Communication Style Model that identifies four different communication styles. The study explains that we develop a primary style that we use most often, and sometimes we employ a secondary style if the primary isn’t working well or we are under stress. The study also describes how we can interact better with others who use a style different from ours.

Can you identify your primary style?

Each style has important inherent strengths, but none is complete by itself. There is much to appreciate in each; we are better when we have all styles working together. When we communicate with a person whose style is different from ours, it is helpful to match their style and pace as much as possible. Those who can adapt and flex to other’s values and preferences will be more successful in communication.

This communication model has helped me understand what others in my family and workplace might need or prefer. I hope I can apply some of what I have learned to our future conversations.

What have you learned from this model? How can you adapt your style to better communicate with someone important to you?

________________

For more information: Communication Style Inventory, Copyright 2003 by Ron Ellis, MBA & Judi Iverson-Gilbert, PhD
You might also like to read: how are your listening skills? or asking powerful questions or questions for a destination.

not all about me

Posted on by
4

nerve-racking.

nail-biting.

pacing.

praying.

eating-too-much.

eating-too-little.  

head-ache.

sore neck.

work hard.

can’t sleep.

stress

My stressor this week was an on-line music competition for our son, Matt. He needed views, votes, “likes”, tweets, etc in order to move through the brackets and win his dream-of-a-lifetime to be the opening act for a more famous YouTube star, Tyler Ward, who is doing a U.S. concert tour.

We – the committed, slightly crazy parents – did all we could to rally support for Matt. We facebooked and tweeted; we emailed; we cajoled our co-workers to get on-line; we shamelessly begged our friends to vote each day. We investigated winning strategies and stayed up too late at night watching the results roll in.

We believe in our son and want to support his dreams in any way we can.

We also have our own lives and work and responsibilities and have to put limits on what we can do for him. There were times when I had to shut down the computer and stay away from the “competition world” for a while. Other times when I had to “let go” emotionally of my desires for his success and remember…

This is not all about me.

It doesn’t all depend on me; I am not indispensable.

I’ve had to remember that lesson at work as well as with my family. I can get over stressed about a project, a goal, a desired culture change, a responsibility and forget… I am not the only one active here. Just as Matt has other friends and fans that support his music, I have other teammates, mentors, and resources that I can – and should – involve in my projects.

When I trust only in myself and forget to partner well, I miss out on the strengths, talents, encouragement, wisdom, support, ideas, energy, finances, prayers, materials, etc. that others bring to the table.

“If you want to go quickly, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.”
African proverb

I firmly believe that together is better than solo. Friends, co-workers, fans, family, partners, and mentors are crucial in my world… because this is not all about me!

How do you handle your stress?  How do you battle the “all about me” attitude?

****PS He did win the competition! 🙂

blind spots

Posted on by
Reply

Traveling down the highway the other day, we saw many people texting or talking on their phone as they drove. Their speed was erratic, and they were constantly swerving from one lane to another. I felt nervous and in danger anywhere close to them, I and encouraged my husband to put some distance between us as quickly as possible.

It came to my mind that this dangerous behavior is very obvious to others, although the texting-driver may mistakenly think they have everything under control. From behind, we watch the unintentional lane changes and make adjustments for their inconsistent speed. When we pass along the right – because they are usually blocking the passing lane – we have never been wrong in our initial hypothesis as to the cause of their erratic driving. They are often so intent on their communication that they do not look up or even notice as we pass by.

Blind Spots  = obvious to everyone except me

I can have blind spots in many areas of my life. I am often so busy with my own tasks and concerns that I am completely unaware of how my attitudes and behavior are affecting others. I hate to think of how often a family member has to move out of my way for their own protection, or how often a co-worker has to make adjustments for my erratic actions.  I don’t want to be a danger to others. 

One tool we use in our organization is the 360° review; a feedback survey process that allows those around me – supervisor/director, co-workers, direct reports – to let me know how I am doing in my leadership. Their confidential responses are correlated with my self-assessment answers, and a trained feedback facilitator communicates the information during a personal appointment. The feedback confirms obvious strength and weakness areas, encourages strengths (those others saw, but I didn’t mention), and warns me about the dreaded blind spots.

The first time I went through a 360° review, it was one of the hardest things I had ever done. I felt clobbered by the negative comments and had a hard time recognizing the positive. I had a great facilitator at the time, and I have since come to greatly appreciate the process. I know that when I invite truthful feedback in my life, I grow in humility and I increase my abilities to work productively and serve others well.

I can hear truth from others in a formal 360° review or simply in vulnerable conversations with friends, family and mentors. It is one of the most important things I can do to ensure that I am a safe person, considerate of others, and aware of my impact… less blind spots! 

Have can you invite someone to give you honest feedback about your blind spots? 

know your strengths

Posted on by
2

This week, I had an opportunity to work through various assessments that help identify my abilities. Myers Briggs (ESTJ), StrengthsFinder (Achiever, Learner, Input, Focus, Relator or Includer), Birkman, DISC (high I), SHAPE, and Spiritual Gift tests are just some of the resources available for greater personal awareness. They are also helpful for analyzing group or team dynamics. I appreciate these tools for continual growth.

Do you know what your strengths are?

I have been through many of these assessments through the years; some of the tests have been re-taken with very similar results each time. The atmosphere was not always the same however. In some past occasions, the profile results felt like a curse; they brought judgement and accusation from team members; they gave credence to team conflict but no hope. This time, it was encouraging to look at the results, fun to compare with my team, helpful to consider how we can work together and compliment each other on projects and tasks. I think I have matured over the years and can accept myself and appreciate others more.

Have you ever been misunderstood or criticized because of your strengths? Do you appreciate the differences in others?

The facilitator this week offered this encouragement; she explained that the profile was similar to one spoke of an umbrella, helpful to support understanding, but unable to offer a complete framework of identity. Although it is useful to know my strength areas, I may sometimes be called to work out of my weak areas also. My attitude and flexibility when that happens say a lot about me (my character) also. And while building on my strengths is strategic, I cannot neglect my weak areas or use them to excuse irresponsibility or lack of results.

What are you doing to develop your strengths? Are you aware of your weak areas and their effect on others?

I have found it really helpful to have a coach or mentor who helps me develop a plan to build my strengths. I choose one or two strong areas for further growth and one weak area. Next, I identify specific things that I can do to work on those areas. Sometimes it is helpful to consider any root causes that may have influence. My coach reviews my plan, checking to see that it is realistic, and then meets regularly with me to check on my progress, offer tips/advice, and encourage me. Those coaching appointments give me accountability and impetus to move ahead with my plan.

Do you have a coach or a mentor? Do you have a plan for personal development?

If you have any questions about this, please let me know. I believe that it is important to know and work out of our strengths – we have more joy and productivity in our life… and offer more grace and appreciation to others!