maturitas cafe – best of 2012

I would love to enjoy a steaming cup of black coffee with you at a comfy, warm cafe. We could talk about so many things – work, family, teams, marriage, life! We might laugh or cry or philosophize, and share advice or struggles or funny stories. We might disagree about a topic or empathize completely. No matter what, I know we would end our visit grateful for the time together.

Until we have that opportunity, I am grateful for the chance to connect this way. THANK YOU for reading and leaving your “likes” and your comments. You have challenged me and encouraged me this year. You have led me to new blogs, new ideas, new friends. I appreciate you very much and look forward to learning more together in 2013!

In case you are new to this blog or might have missed a post, here are some of the top (most read) posts of 2012. Feel free to look around at the archives too. Remember every post is available in English and Spanish…

eng top 5top five English posts:

today’s modern woman – pick any two

cleaning house, cooking meals and a greater cause

are you dangerous?

communication styles

tips for long lasting friendship and marriage

sp top 5top five Spanish posts:

la motivación y el ánimo

lo que aprendo de una venta de garage 

¿hay mágia en los equipos?

¿tienes la actitud de gratitud?

limpiar la casa, cocinar y una gran causa

You might also enjoy reading a little about me and why I started this blog:

coffee as a way of life      why a blog?

 Thanks for joining this journey! 

Please let me know… what was your favorite post this past year?


ratioSix to one. According to a message I heard the other day, that is the ratio of negative to positive comments we say and hear each day – six negative to every one positive.

six times this…

That’s not right. You could have done better. I don’t like that. Why did you do that? Did you have to do that? Can’t you remember anything? You never _____. I’ll just do it myself. Don’t even try. You’ll never amount to anything. 

for every one time of this…

Great job. Thank you. Well done. So creative. That’s excellent work. I like that. Awesome. I appreciate that. I’m impressed. You have real talent. That’s a good idea. You’ll go far. I love you.

That’s not good for anybody. I know that I am highly reactive to negative comments. I have to work really hard not to take criticism personally – even constructive criticism. Negative comments tend to discourage me and diminish my normally optimistic attitude – sometimes for days.

On the other hand, positive, encouraging comments lift my spirits, energize me, and motivate me to try harder. I want to encourage, energize, and motivate others.

So what can I do? Being aware of this reality and being willing to change my words are the first steps. I can also work intentionally to find something positive in people and situations. There is usually something good there, I just have to see it… and say it. I am so quick to mention what I don’t like, but I often hesitate to verbalize what I do.

I want to turn that ratio around this next year. It’s not that complicated… just a few words. Maybe it will become a new habit for me.

How are your words? 

motivation and encouragement

photo courtesy of

I really enjoy mentoring young leaders.Others have told me that I am an encourager, and after many years, I think I finally believe that is true. For that reason, when I came out low in “motivation” in a recent 360 evaluation, I took that feedback soberly and began to ask questions and do some research.

I originally thought the two actions were similar and wondered how could I be good at one and weak at the other? When I compared the definitions between encourage and motivate, I realized there are some key differences.

Various dictionaries define the two words this way:

Encourage – 1: to inspire with courage, confidence, or hope, 2: to stimulate, spur on, 3: to give help or support. Synonyms are: inspirit, hearten, or embolden – the idea being to fill with courage or strength of purpose, or to raise one’s confidence especially by an external agency.

Motivate – 1: to provide with a motive, 2: to give incentive to; move to action; impel. Motivation = a motivating force, stimulus, or influence

I checked the Bible also, and there are very few references to motivate or motivation – most references warn against wrong or evil motives. Encouragement, on the other hand, appears at least 35 times – often associated with strengthen and perseverance during action already in process. says that, “Motivation is literally the desire to do things. It’s the difference between waking up before dawn to pound the pavement and lazing around the house all day. It’s the crucial element in setting and attaining goals—and research shows you can influence your own levels of motivation and self-control….”

Frederick Herzberg’s Two-Factor Theory, (intrinsic/extrinsic motivation), suggests that the factors that motivate people can change over their lifetime, but respect as a person is one of the top motivating factors at any stage of life.

I recognize that I am basically a self-motivated person. I wake up in the morning with motive, incentive, purpose.I don’t need someone else to move me to action… I am already ready to go! As the day goes on, however, I can get discouraged, worn out, or tired by the struggles, conflicts, and challenges that battle against my goals and desires.

That is when I really appreciate encouragement from others… a bit of “You can do it!” or “I believe in you” keeps me moving forward..

When someone has a vision, dream or calling, I love to encourage them… letting them know I believe in them, cheering them on when they are battle-weary, and looking for ways to provide resources to help them.

I realize that I am weak when others lack desire, vision and motivation. If they don’t already have a goal, something they want to accomplish, or a purpose for action, then I feel at a loss for how to help them.

From my study so far I have learned that I can improve my ability to motivate by communicating and imparting vision better and more often. I can also ask others what motivates them and learn about incentives and reasons for action. I can work to treat people with respect. Maybe one of the most important things I can do is to pray for the person. Motivation is going to grow from within… and it is God who is best at changing the heart.

Do you like to motivate or encourage others, or maybe both? How do you do that?