Category Archives: learning and leading

so grateful for…

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sunrise Nicholas Tarling freedigitalphotos.netI woke up too early this morning. I was (more than) a bit grumpy since I really didn’t want to be alert at that hour, but almost immediately some special people came to my mind, and I decided to take advantage of the peaceful quiet to pray for them.

The minutes began to add up as more and more people filled my groggy thoughts, and my grumpiness began to convert into gratitude. I have many wonderful people in my life. They are kind and brave and fun and generous. I began to make a list; I am proud of so many of them…

My mom – Although I know she was afraid of the cancer diagnosis and almost ready to die because of the pain, she chose bravely to undergo the surgery and the chemo treatments. She is making the most of her good days with friends and family, often doing favors for others. It isn’t always easy, but she is strong and an encouragement to me.

My husband – He has traveled to take care of his dad this week; I know it is hard for him there. It is discouraging to experience his dad depressed and weak and sad, a shadow of the man he used to be… Despite the challenges, my husband is sacrificially serving his dad  – cleaning, cooking and being a companion. I miss him when he’s gone, but I am glad he is there with his dad.

My family – In my family and my husband’s family, there are others who do the major share of the care for our elderly parents. While we may fill in from time to time, they are present or on call almost every day. I am impressed by their willing hearts and their attention to innumerable details. I know it is frustrating and exhausting at times. They are my heroes.

My children – I am really proud of my children. They are each one very unique and gifted in so many ways. They are also imperfect and have all kinds of normal challenges and problems, but I love the adults they are becoming. I especially like that they love me too.

My friends – Both those from the past and my new friends from this year have added much joy to my life. I am inspired by their faith and their desire to grow and their determination to keep moving forward. Some of them have had to overcome some very difficult trials and hurts, but I see them committed to healing and wholeness and finding the strength to help others. I have received abundantly from their generous lives, and I am grateful for each one of them.

I never did get back to sleep… my list continued on and on, and I eventually realized it was a very blessed life I was waking up to meet. Not a bad way to start the day.

Who is on your grateful list? Who makes you proud?

creating more leaders

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“Leaders don’t create followers, they create more leaders.” – Tom Peters

ID-100162328 foto76 freedigitalphotos.net

New leader training is essential for our organization. During the first year or so, mentors have the privilege of imparting vision, identity DNA, and confidence into our new leaders through a teaching, training, and coaching process. This training sets the attitude, knowledge, and skill foundation for many years ahead.

Every few years our organization revamps our training programs so they are attractive in the current context, relevant for our constantly changing world, and effective at preparing new leaders. Last year, my husband and I were part of a global task force to determine new core desired outcomes for our training programs worldwide. This year, we had the exciting job of helping our area leaders around the globe implement the changes.

“Leaders aren’t born, they are made.
And they are made just like anything else, through hard work.
And that’s the price we’ll have to pay to achieve that goal, or any goal.”
– Vince Lombardi

Change is not easy. Each area contains many countries, each with its own culture, language, human resource, time, and financial challenges. Leaders are very busy, and many priorities and crisis vie for attention. At times the biggest challenges are the attitudes of loyalty to the “old ways” and fear or resistance to change. Sometimes pride gets in the way when a leader was the creator or director of the prior system.

Some area leaders invested a lot of time in the valuable task of aligning others to the new ideas. Communications, visits, and sharing of materials help others to engage and involve in the process. Other leaders gathered a task force together for the project. Working towards change as a group or team shares leadership and ownership of the effort. Many are busy preparing translations for their countries. This is all part of the investment in our future leaders.

“Leadership and learning are indispensable to each other.”
– John Fitzgerald Kennedy

One of the best aspects of the process is seeing the leaders get excited about the new paradigms they discover as they work: more interactive learning and creative delivery, more emphasis on coaching, and more sessions focus on the heart, servant leadership, character, and stewardship… As the leaders learn, they become enthusiastic about championing the new materials and methodology in their areas.

“The more seriously you take your growth,
the more seriously your people will take you.”
– John Maxwell

Those who help train and mentor our new leaders are building the future of our organization. They set an example with their lives; their attitudes, words, and actions reflect their values and greatly influence the new leaders. We desperately need trainers and mentors who prioritize the new leaders and invest in their development. Such a privilege. Such a responsibility.

How can you contribute to a culture that creates new leaders?

What can you do to continue learning to improve your leadership?

breaking down barriers

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file0001312170283In addition to the external barriers erected by society,
women are hindered by barriers that exist within ourselves.
Sheryl Sandberg¹

I received a copy of Sandberg’s book, “Lean In“, from a dear friend. I have only started reading it, but I have found connection, empathy, authenticity, grace, and challenge in the first chapters. Sandberg proposes a hypothesis which many of us already know is truth… as women, we are often our own worst enemy.

Sandberg explains that women often deeply internalize the negative messages we receive during our life – and quickly undervalue the positive messages that we earn.

I believe that women are essential to making important world changes in society through our relationships, families, and jobs today. To do that, we need support, advocacy, and partnership with the men in our lives, but we also need to believe in ourselves to step confidently into the places that we are created and gifted to fill. 

How can we do that? I’ve started a list here from some of Sandberg’s comments and some of my own experiences:

Gain self-awareness.

Personality profiles, StrengthsFinder, Reflected Best Self Exercise, work preferences, gift tests, feedback from mentors/friends/others… all help to discover and affirm unique value and contribution. The more I learn about myself, the easier it is to choose where to invest my time and my talents with confidence.

Don’t give unnecessary power to gender stereotypes.

“Strong”, “assertive”, “outspoken”, “intelligent” – these words often negatively describe a woman leader, but compliment a man. Words like “sensitive”, “passionate”, “caring”, “transparent” can also be used to disregard a woman’s position, but be considered uncommon and valuable assets for men. The key principle to remember is – no matter what I do or what I am like, I will never please everyone. I need to be comfortable in my own skin.

Get past the fear.

Women sometimes feel afraid… afraid of not knowing enough, afraid of saying something stupid, afraid of failing, afraid of being labeled as a fraud². Fears like these could easily paralyze and cause a step back from opportunities, but so often they are irrational and never actually occur. I am learning to speak up or act with courage in spite of my fears. I am learning that I am needed and because of that, I must “keep my hand up… and sit at the table”³. 

Say a simple “Thank You” for compliments and awards.

Sandberg explains that it is often our insecurity that causes us to scoff, brush off, and negate the achievements and accolades that we receive. I sometimes fail to accept a compliment without explaining or excusing it away with a, “It was nothing”, “I had lots of help”, or “I guess I had them fooled.” I am grateful for those in my life who (first) express their sincere appreciation for my efforts and (second) confront me if I undervalue my contribution. 

How have you been your own worst enemy? What would you add to this list?

¹Sandberg, Sheryl. Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead. Alfred A. Knopf, New York, 2013. p. 8.
²Ibid. p. 28-29.
³Ibid. p.38

life is a story

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maskEvery life is a story… Comedy. Drama. Action. Horror. Newscast.

My favorite part of our meetings this year is when each person took a few minutes to tell (a very brief version of) their life journey. Many made us laugh. Others made us cry. Some left us with our mouths open in disbelief. Each story was unique.

Some used pictures. Others told stories. Some communicated with confidence and creative presentations. Others simply read from their notes. Some were so nervous that their voice cracked and their knees literally trembled as they spoke… but they did it, and it was powerful.

I could relate to some of the stories; others were very, very different from my reality. Either way, I felt more connected to each one as I came to know them just a little bit better. Through our vulnerability, we were building community.

Pain permeated many of the stories; loneliness, illness, rejection, death. Some told of shame or fear, lost dreams or broken hearts. For a few the pain was fresh and raw; a story being told for the first time. For others, the sting is gone now, and they are living a new life. I often heard a thread of grace, redemption, and hope.

Although I have always been a “people person” and have enjoyed meeting many different types of people, I feel like this year I have come to appreciate each person’s unique story more than ever. I have especially treasured those people who are open and real with me, allowing me to see their brokenness and their imperfections… and those who have invited me to share their new adventures and their joys.

It is sometimes more comfortable and natural for us to compare, or hide, and isolate ourselves from others, but I recognize each life is valuable and lived to be told. In a safe place, with a commitment to growth, our lives are a priceless gift when shared with others. As our lives intersect, they are like the threads in a beautiful tapestry… not to be hidden, but to bring warmth and beauty and richness to our world.

Do you share your (real) life with others? Are you a safe place for others to share their story?

let them fly

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IMG_0971 crop
My “baby” (just finished her freshman year in college) boarded a plane this morning to take an international flight… all. by. herself. I am a bit nervous. I am anxiously awaiting updates as she makes her way through three flights, three airports, immigration and customs, money changing, and a bus ride to a destination where she will finally connect with friends. I will be counting the hours… minutes… seconds?

I go through second guessing… Is she ready for this? Did I tell her everything she needs to know? Will she get stuck somewhere?

And then I remember… I raised her to do this. I am not an overly protective, micro-managing, hovering type of mother. I want her to be confident, try new things, step out of her comfort zone, take adventures. I want her to figure it out on her own… or be able to ask for help. I want her to make her own (wise) decisions, trust her instincts, lean on her faith, be strong and not afraid of the unknown. 

I want this for all my children… and I want this for those I supervise at work and in ministry. One of the hardest things to do is to let them fly on their own… be in charge, take over, make the decisions. One of the key lessons in leadership is: get. out. of. the. way. Let others lead.

Will they make mistakes? Yes.

Will they make poor decisions? Sometimes.

Will they need help? Sure.

Good training, modeling, and coaching is crucial, but there comes a time when it is really only our pride and our fear that stand in the way. I have seen many leaders that hang on to leadership for too long, wearing too many “hats” of responsibility that could be released to others. I’ve done this myself. But I’ve learned that when we sense a lack of leader candidates, they oftentimes step up only when we are out-of-the-way and there is a real gap to fill.

It’s OK to feel nervous… to worry a bit from the sidelines… even to remain available for a quick touch-point .. but it is not OK to hold them back by our own fear or selfishness.

Let them lead. Let them go. Let them fly.

Is is hard for you to let go? How have you learned to let others lead?

a 30-year celebration

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fireworks digitalphoto KeeratiWhere did the time go? How did I get here? Am I really that old? Did I ever imagine when I was first starting out that I would arrive to this point? Has it been worth it?

This year I celebrate 30 years working with the organization known as cru. I started out 30+ years ago with enthusiasm, belief, energy, a bit of trepidation and the support of family and friends. I stepped out of my comfort zone, moved to a new state (and eventually new countries), and I took on challenges that I wasn’t sure I could actually accomplish.

I believed that I could help change the world.

I learned a new language, developed my strengths, grew in weak areas, tried new experiences, tasted new flavors, and worked with some of the most incredible people in the world. Sometimes I made mistakes and poor decisions. I loved working with others, dreaming dreams, and creating something new.

I believed that – even with my weaknesses – I could make a difference.

I trusted strangers. I loved those who were lost; I helped others grow. I changed because they taught me new ways. I asked for forgiveness and forgave those who hurt me. I shared my time, my home, and my heart with many who became life-long friends. I said good-bye too many times.

I believed that people can change.

I laughed. I cried. I mourned. I celebrated.

30 years have gone by, but the adventure continues.

I still believe…

_______________

Are you following your dreams? What do you believe?

do you work in a team or a family?

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I have worked in Latin America for many years. I love the Latin culture – especially the emphasis on relationships: relaxed meal times, fiestas for any occasion, inter-generational activities, inclusion of children at events, incredible friendships and loyalty. These characteristics provide an incredible richness to my life.

However, any strength – at its extreme – can also be a weakness. I was often uncomfortable when our organizational staff claimed that we were a “family”. I knew that, although I cared deeply for many of my co-workers, they were not a real family for me. I also knew that we did not treat each other like we would members of a true family. There was something I didn’t like or agree with that statement, although I couldn’t put it into words.

Today I read a blog post by Mark Miller that clarified this exact issue for me. His post helped me to understand that when we view our team through a family perspective, we often allow performance to suffer. This is a common problem for non-profits and religious organizations. I remember many times when we erroneously did not confront poor behavior, implement consequences, or even ask someone to leave the organization… because we did not want to lose a “family” member. This distorted perspective means that we postpone and avoid crucial decisions that often cause great harm to the individual and to the organization. 

This wise comparison comes directly from Mark Miller’s post:

team or family

Mark clarifies that many of the “family” characteristics are great additions to a healthy and fruitful team environment. Applied correctly, these elements create community, which leads to greater trust, shared responsibility, and performance. A sense of community on a team is beneficial, but as Mark says, “However, unlike in a family, to be a member of the community is conditional.”

Does your team work like a team or a like a family?

*** For excellent content on leadership, follow Mark Miller’s blog, Great Leaders Serve, at: http://greatleadersserve.org/

younger next year

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time clock

When we are children, we can’t wait to grow up, play with the “big guys”, and enjoy the privileges that come with accumulated years of age.

It doesn’t take long before we are we looking back on our years of youth with deep longing, working hard and paying plenty to stall (or at least hide) the age progression, and wishing that Ponce de León had truly found the fountain of youth!

So, it will be no surprise to you that the title of the book, “Younger Next Year“, caught my attention. I don’t know where I picked it up, but it has been sitting on my shelf for a few years, and this week I decided to read it through. Since it was open on the table (with only a hypothetical need for the content!), my husband read it too.

Two men co-wrote the book – a doctor, Henry S. Lodge, M.D., and his patient/friend, Chris Cowley.  They combine scientific knowledge and motivation into a 7 point training routine that they claim can put off the typical effects of aging and provide health and energy for life into the 80’s and 90’s.

Harry’s Rules are:

  1. Exercise six days a week for the the rest of your life.
  2. Do serious aerobic exercise four days a week for the rest of your life.
  3. Do serious strength training, with weights, two days a week for the rest of your life.
  4. Spend less than you make.
  5. Quit eating crap!
  6. Care.
  7. Connect and commit.

I did not enjoy the “tone” of the book that much. I did not agree with some of the scientific basis, and the book has a to-the-boys, “locker-room” communication style. On the other hand, their rules challenge me, and I see great value it all of them. I especially appreciate how physical, financial, and relational elements share space on the list. A disciplined application of these rules could definitely add years to a person’s life.

How about you? Do you long for younger days? What are you doing to “stay” young? 

**Since writing this post, I found that the book exists in a special version for women: Younger Next Year for Women.

live by your convictions

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Margaret Thatcher 13 October 1925 – 8 April 2013

Margaret Thatcher
13 October 1925 – 8 April 2013

The former UK Prime Minister, Margaret Thatcher, died last week. She was the only woman to have held that prestigious and powerful position in the UK, and she earned the title, “Iron Lady” because of her strong leadership style.

The life summaries and tributes to her make it clear that she was not a “Mr. Nice Guy” kind of leader, instead she often alienated people into “love her or hate her” opposing factions. No matter what opinion I may have on Mrs. Thatcher’s political career, I can learn leadership lessons from her life.

In some of my early leadership experiences, I was very self-conscious, with a profound desire for people to like me and to agree with my decisions. I believed passionately in our vision and mission and wanted others to enthusiastically join with me to achieve our goals. I often took criticism very personally, and I felt that rejection was against me and my character, instead of against the idea or process. Mrs. Thatcher clearly understood that does not work for leaders: 

“If you just set out to be liked,
you would be prepared to compromise
on anything at any time
and you would achieve nothing.”

I have learned – the hard way – that I will never please everyone with my decisions or plans. People are very different in their preferences and perspectives, and often have completely opposite, conflicting ideas about how to move a project forward.I need to listen carefully to the differing opinions and weigh out their value, but then I must make the decision I believe in. My leadership goal cannot be to please people, but rather to lead by convictions.

“I am not a consensus politician.
I’m a conviction politician.”

Margaret Thatcher

At the end of the day, I may only be able to say that given the knowledge, experience, and guidance that I had at the time, I made the best decision I could. No matter the outcome of the decision, when I am swayed to do something I do not truly believe is right, I am often haunted by regret. Whenever I choose to lead by conviction, I have peace in the end.

Do you struggle with wanting to please others? What helps you live by conviction?

_____________

A few other places to read about Margaret Thatcher…

http://www.margaretthatcher.org/essential/biography.asp
http://www.bbc.co.uk/history/people/margaret_thatcher
http://www.leadershipnow.com/leadingblog/2013/04/former_british_prime_minister.html 

Isolated Leadership: Dangers and Solutions

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To my Maturitas Cafe readers… I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to share this post with you. It combines two of my all-time favorites – Henry Cloud and Dan Rockwell – experts and amazing encouragers in the areas of life and leadership. If you don’t already, you will want to check out Dan’s blog, “Leadership Freak” and follow him on Twitter. Leave a comment on his blog today for the great package offer!
You will also want to listen in on Henry’s free live call today (details in the post) or read some of his great books. I have reviewed some of them (Integrity and Necessary Endings) already in my posts. These guys are the real deal!
What can you do to prevent isolated leadership in your life?

Dan Rockwell's avatarLeadership Freak

Dr Cloud on failing
Isolated leaders inevitably run down, grow ineffective, and become irrelevant. Closed systems die slow deaths.

Don’t wait for the energy fairy. She ain’t coming.

What happens when you place a frog in water that’s slowly being heated? They don’t jump out, they die.

The increasing heat of leadership subtly cooks isolated leaders.

Isolation feels safe but it kills.

You’re isolated and running down if you feel:

  1. Disconnected.
  2. Distrustful.
  3. Unsupported.
  4. Misunderstood.
  5. Constantly guarded.

Warning: Leaders frequently lean toward isolation.

In his new book, “Boundaries for Leaders,” Dr. Henry Cloud says:

“Set boundaries on your tendency to be a ‘closed system,’ and open yourself to outside inputs that bring you energy and guidance.”

Solitude isn’t a leadership strategy.

Open yourself to influence, input, and support from outside your organization. Closed systems inevitably die. Dr. Cloud says the benefits of outside input includes:

  1. Insight into new models of leading.

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