Category Archives: life

rest is a four letter word

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bedroom I grew up with a hard-driving military father. We had jobs to do in the house, yard, garden, or apple orchard. Five children meant there was always plenty of work to do. My dad liked sports and outdoor activities, so we often woke up early to go hiking or skiing or play tennis. The only time we could lay around on the couch or watch TV was if we were sick – really sick.

It is no wonder that I continue to work hard today and have often felt guilty about rest. I’m not busy with yard work or gardening or housework these days, but I enjoy my job, and I like to stay active. I don’t particularly like to sleep, and I rarely watch any television… but I am learning how to rest.

Rest is not just sleep or no physical activity, although it certainly can involve that. Dictionaries say that rest includes relaxation, refreshment, and recovering strength. One definition includes a peace of mind or spirit and to be free from anxiety or disturbance. Another definition mentions a period or interval of repose, solitude, or tranquillity. 

No matter how much we love what we do, or how much work we think we have to do, rest is powerful… and necessary. I read a good post by Michael Hyatt this week about rest, and it helped me reflect on some good reasons for rest:

Rest builds physical strength. Athletes and trainers know that after a challenging workout, the body needs rest to recover, prevent injuries and increase endurance. Sleep, stretching, hydration and nutrition are all important. As I get older, I recognize this more and more.

Rest deepens relationships. Relaxing times with family and friends give me time for full engagement and quality interaction. Play, long conversations, stories, and laughter help me feel refreshed and provide me with healthy connections and community. When I am well rested, I have more to offer others.

Rest invigorates the mind. If I go too long without rest for my mind, my brain feels like scrambled eggs, and I struggle to sort out my thoughts and feelings. When I get away from the daily “to-do” list and anxieties to daydream and let my mind wander, I find that I can think clearly about the less urgent but very important issues like future plans, past reflections, and creativity.

Rest rejuvenates the soul. According to the Bible, even God rested! 🙂 To “let go” of my responsibilities for a bit reminds me of the truth that I am not all-important. Time to breathe deeply, pray, and listen calmly encourages me to find right perspective and contentment.

Rest is often used as a noun for a support, like an arm rest or a chin rest. This reminds me that I often need other people to help me rest. I am so grateful for those in my life who rest well, and they encourage me to rest also.

Well, now that I have this post finished, I am off to rest while watching a World Cup game!

Do you struggle with taking time to rest? Or are you someone who helps other people get away to relax? What are some of your favorite ways to rest well?

____

You might also like to read: a rhythm of rest

lessons from a wreck

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accidentSomeone hit our car last night. It’s the second time in a few weeks that the poor car is in the shop for repairs through no fault of our own. Bummer.

On the other hand, I am so very grateful that there were no serious injuries, and we have a great insurance company that is taking care of the details. A few inconveniences and hours lost, but it could have been so much worse.

After the adrenaline coursed through my veins, I had opportunity for reflection and perspective since my life was (literally) shaken up a bit that night.

First, one more reminder of the frailty of life. My mom’s cancer is a frequent reminder, but this hit even closer to home. My husband and I are finally in the process of renewing our will. We are not going to put that off. We want to prepare to make the process easier for our family… just in case. (How about you? Do you have your will and important papers in order?)

Second, friends make a big difference. We were on our way to dinner when the wreck occurred. Instead, our friends came to join us on the side of the road for the four-hour mostly-waiting-around process. Their presence and companionship was soothing, entertaining 🙂 and encouraging. We are so grateful for them and their gift of time.

Young kids can act foolish. Two young men racing down the road by our house caused the accident. They lost control, hit each other, ricocheted into us, and skidded into a grass median yards ahead. One car totaled; the other banged up, and they stumbled out of the cars laughing. They are not the car owners; they probably do not think about the inconvenience, the increased insurance rates, the diminished vehicle values, the possible harm they could have caused. Someday they will.

Family is important. Ten or more vehicles arrived over time to check on the guys and offer concern, care, and community. There may have been frustration or anger too; we didn’t see that. It was good to see the support that rallied for the young men. They made a mistake, but they have a better chance to learn from it when people care about them.

Forgiveness is key… even for little things. My emotions swung first from concern for the young men to frustration with their apparent lack of concern. I could have let that frustration simmer into a distrust of all “young people” for their immaturity and foolish choices. But that would serve no purpose. Plus, it would be unjust, since there are many young people who are careful drivers, responsible, and making choices to better our world every day. I’d rather focus my emotional energy there.

Have you been in an accident? How did you respond? What have you learned from that experience?

celebrate life

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mom bdayHave you ever wanted to ignore a birthday? Or downplay the attention to yourself? Ever wanted to go into denial about getting older? I have. For a good number of years, I would have just skipped over my birthday without any fan fare at all.

I think differently now. I have come to realize that not many people get to celebrate as many birthdays as I have. I have known too many young people who had too few years on this earth. I have cried too many tears and questioned too often “why????” when a life was cut short.

When I was younger, I didn’t think much about death. I felt invincible, and life was full of promise and opportunities. Today, I am much more aware of the fraility and brevity of life. I long for more time with my mom who has terminal cancer, and I grieve the empty places in my life where other loved ones once lived.

flowersSo… I am learning to celebrate more! Each year – each day – is worthy of a celebration. Not to put more focus on the person, but to express gratitude and understanding of the value of life. I do not want to waste the opportunity to make a memory with my family or cherish time with a friend or enjoy the little special treats that life brings to me (like the cheerful flowers my awesome husband brought in now – just because…).

I may not have that opportunity tomorrow… but I have it today!

My mom just celebrated another birthday. I am so very grateful for that special day and for each additional day of life she can enjoy. Her life is a continual reminder to me to live each day to the fullest… and to celebrate life!

How do you feel about birthdays? How do you celebrate life?

the whole package

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open boxI’ve had some physical challenges lately, and as a result…some emotional challenges, and as a result… some relationship challenges.

It appears that I am entering a new stage of life… and I do not like it a whole lot.

I have always been a high energy and a high performance person. I have a good quantity of self confidence and intelligence, and ability to set my mind to something and make it happen. Or so I like to think.

In my deep inner being, I know I am not really in control of much of anything in my life. I just like to act like I am. Until…things begin to happen in my life that I – very obviously – cannot control. Today it is health related, but other times it can be people related, or work, or money, or any other issue.

And, I don’t like it.

When I cannot control something or someone like I want to, it exposes the “real” me… to myself and to others. It exposes my impatience, my critical spirit, my frustration, and my irritation levels that I would prefer to keep carefully guarded and hidden from the public eye.

I like to appear “all together”. I like to be optimistic and always with a desire to help out a friend… not moody, grumpy, tired, and pretty much disinterested in others’ problems like I feel these days.

I am sure this stage will pass eventually, and I will feel like “myself” again. However, it has been a good reminder that my true self is actually a mixture of many facets – positive and negative, good and bad, pretty and pretty ugly. Those who know me well already know that truth about me. Sometimes, others unexpectedly get a glimpse of my not-so-well-hidden self.

This life stage has also been a good reminder that my friends, co-workers, and family are also a mixed up mess of moods and attitudes and energy levels. I get them on good days and bad days. Ups and downs. Fun and not so fun. The whole package. The parts I love, the parts I tolerate, and the parts I would rather not experience.

Just as they do with me. We are a whole package. We have much to offer some days. We have a lot of needs on other days. We are made to live in community in a rhythm of giving and recieving. May God help me to embrace the whole package and give others the same acceptance and grace and love that I have been receiving these days.

What do you do when you do not feel like your best you? How do you respond to others on their difficult days/weeks/months/years?

a personal Rule of Life

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myRuleWhat are your weekly priorities? Do you have them written down? How do you ensure that you reach your goals? Do you have a healthy routine for your life? Through the years, I have heard people talk about their “bucket list” or their New Year’s resolutions or their “one word” for the next year. Other people develop a personal mission statement or a personal development plan. All of these tools are excellent. The key is to actually take the time to think about your dreams and desires, and then to make a plan. Another important factor can be to have some accountability. Sharing the plan with another person is a great step towards actually accomplishing it.

For my M.A. class this summer, I had to write a personal Rule of Life. Very similar to the other ideas, this Rule requires a reflective time of self-evaluation, a list of action steps, and an accountability plan. I spent about a week thinking about it and just an hour or two writing it out… not a huge investment of time, but I already feel more focused and organized… with hope that I will do what I have included on my list.

1. I first took some time to think about how God has made me… my personality, my interests, my strengths and my weaknesses, and my particular stage of life. What do I care about and what do I need to keep me encouraged and healthy, and to help me grow and develop.

2. Then I thought about some of the basic areas of life – physical, intellectual, relational, and spiritual – and I chose one to three life rhythms or disciplines that I want to be a norm in my life. I chose a few things like time to think and exercise and develop new friends and community for our new home. Because I am not sleeping well at night these days, I added going to bed by a certain hour, hoping to achieve better rest. All in all, I chose ten items for my Rule. Nothing earth shattering or new or overly challenging… just healthy patterns.

3. I chose two people to ask me about different items on my list. Knowing that they will be encouraging me and/or joining me in some of my goals, motivates me.

One last step I copied from a website with lots of information about personal Rules. I collected photographs that remind me of each of the items on my list and created a visual reminder of my goals. It just takes a quick glance to help me focus my day and encourage me to make the best use of my time with good choices. You might notice that writing on this blog is one of those regular rhythms I want to continue, so I am already making progress!

How about you? What kind of plan or Rule might be helpful for you? Feel free to share any ideas or tips you have!

_______

You can find more resources for a personal Rule of Life at:

CS Lewis Institute

RuleOfLife.com website

Chittister, Joan (2013) Wisdom Distilled from the Daily: Living the Rule of St. Benedict Today. 

playing detective

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car damage

It was a special night. Celebration time out with the love of my life and good friends. New and delicious foods. An especially friendly and capable waiter attending to our needs and making us laugh. Our stomachs were full after just the appetizer, but we proceeded to stay through coffee and dessert, enjoying the flavors and the company. A treasure of an evening.

… and then everything changed.

Out in the parking lot, we began to say good-bye to our friend, but as we walked over to our car, we saw it… Someone had sideswiped our car while we were in the restaurant! Ugly scratches clearly displayed the damage all along the side panels. Ugh! It was a “hit-and-run” as there was no apologetic note with contact information on the windshield and no-one nearby ready to claim responsibility.

We began to piece together the evidence… red in the scratches gave a clue. Placement of the damage indicated a small SUV rather than a sedan. As we pondered next steps, another couple exited the restaurant, and added that they witnessed the collision, but paid little attention, other than to mention that the car they saw was a… maroon-red SUV.

I’m not sure why, but our eyes began to scan the parking lot for red SUVs… and one caught our eye right across the lot. A quick investigative walk across the lot confirmed our suspicions – grey paint in scratches on the hood at the exact height location! We quickly archived pictures of the license plate and scratches in our phones.

In this day and age, a direct confrontation is not wise, so we called the police for backup. An officer arrived and – although they don’t usually get involved in minor parking lot incidences – quickly joined the case because of the clear evidence and the still-present guilty vehicle.

What kind of person hits a car, discretely drives to the other side of the same lot to park, and then enters the restaurant to eat dinner like nothing happened?

We waited watching the customers as they exited and walked to their cars. Is that the one? Do they look guilty? Nope, never mind, they are walking the other way…

One group of people initially strolled towards the direction of the SUV, but then turned. We lost interest. All of a sudden, the policewoman bolted towards the SUV! Someone had sneaked back to the SUV while we weren’t looking, and, in her peripheral vision, the officer had just seen the car door open. She caught them as they were trying to get away!

The others in the group drove away and left a young woman alone to attempt an unobserved escape. So sad! She nervously tried to blame someone else for the accident and moving the car, but turned over registration and insurance information anyway. Another witness said that drinking by the others may have been an issue.

We took a moment to pray for the officer and the others involved. Case closed.

I am still surprised that all the details came together, and at least we will not have to pay for the repairs, but I can’t stop wondering about the people who would do these things… hiding, blaming, abandoning.

What causes someone to act like that?

And, then… how often do I do the same thing… try to hide my guilt or pass the blame or leave someone else to defend my mistakes?

How about you? Ever had to play detective? Ever been the guilty party?

 

redemption and transformation

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photo (1)The other day, my daughter gave me a priceless gift.

It is a calendar made from her incredibly amazing photographs. (You can see her gorgeous work in film at http://www.sarahjoellephotography.com/) The fine-art printed cards are clipped to a handcrafted wood board redeemed from deadfall beetle-destroyed pine trees¹. The unusual blue color is evidence of the damage done by the insects, but death has been transformed into a work of art – a powerful redemption.

I received the gift while we were helping our daughter and her husband move in to their new home in Tennessee. They are in an old (1920’s), quaint, character-filled home, and we worked long hard hours painting, remodeling, and furnishing to make it “theirs”. In a few days, it had undergone a loving transformation.

The redeemed gift and transformed home give me special hope during hard days.

This past week, a teammate died unexpectedly of a heart attack. He was only 51 and left behind a very ill wife and three children. He had been providing special care for his wife; now she will have to do many things he did for her… while missing him terribly. When something painful like this happens, I long for an answer to the incomprehensible question, “why?”, and I wait trusting for the certain redemption and transformation that will come with time.

…because redemption and transformation will come.

I have seen it so many times. Where there is faith, good and grace are found even in tragedy. Kindness and generosity and peace and strength come from the most unexpected people and places.

Hope returns while grieving hearts find comfort in the promised heavenly home and aching arms wait for eternal reunions.

Easter is also a season of redemption and transformation. I am grateful today for a faith that sustains and for a promise of eternal life… and for a special gift that reminds me of the power of redemption and the hope of transformation.

When have you seen redemption or transformation in your life? What gives you hope?

________

¹ The great company that makes the wood boards is Artifact Uprising. Check out their site!

crash and burn

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computer crashI’ve been burning the candle at both ends for a while now. Not much margin. Not much sleep. Running late. Not remembering all I have to do. Just barely keeping my head above water… sometimes going under.

Last night I sank.

I have spent many, many hours during the last few months transitioning to a new computer. I have a definite love-hate relationship with that process. Its is nice to have more speed, more space, and new apps, but I dread the work it takes to set the new computer up with my programs, information, and personal settings. This new computer seemed more difficult than others before. More frustrations, more questions, more things I didn’t like… but I almost had it working the way I like…

and then it crashed last night! Dead. Black screen. No coming back.

We called technical support, and they hinted that it was probably my fault somehow – that didn’t help my frustration level (just saying). I have to ship it away, and it will be two weeks before I get it back.

Guess what? I haven’t left myself enough margin in my life for a two-week detour! I don’t have enough “free” time to do that transition work all over again. But it doesn’t really matter. I will have to find time to repeat the process.

I have been wrestling with my bad attitudes, panic, and discouragement all day. I am also feeling guilty for having my life wound up so tightly that this kind of bump in the road has me so flustered.

I mentioned my crisis in a Facebook status and received lots of empathy and encouragement – that has helped. I had my data backed up. I actually have an old computer I can use, so I remember to be grateful and not complain too strongly when others around the world have none. And I am wondering what other lessons I might need to learn…

Do I need to make some schedule changes? Am I reverting to old habits of few healthy boundaries? Is this just an inevitable season of life or a result of bad choices? What can I change to handle situations like this better in the future?

Have you been through a crash and burn experience? How do you handle it?

pushing through the mountain

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mountainsexhausted.

stressed.

anxious.

overwhelmed.

can’t breathe.

no end in sight.

Ever felt that way?

That is how I have felt the last two weeks. The last two weeks were an accumulation of the start of this year… normal work and immediate family responsibilities, but add to that, a serious family illness with death as the final outcome requiring out-of-state travel to the memorial service and the search, purchase, move-in, and furnishing of a new home… and assignments for two MA classes to top it off!

My professors basically gave me these last two weeks to catch up on the semester’s work because I had fallen so far behind. Otherwise, we were looking at dropping the classes or taking an extension into the summer… neither of those sounded like a good option to me!

As a StrengthsFinder identified “Achiever”, I did not want to settle for less than pushing through the mountain and getting to the other side… where rest and tranquility awaited me (I can dream, can’t I?).

However, as I pushed hard – hours with my nose in the books, more hours on the computer, turning down invitations to fun events, ignoring the piles all around my new house, sleeping 4-5 hours a night, getting impatient with my husband… I began to resent the effort.

I began to question why I really cared. I began to doubt my ability to get through the mountain.

Have you ever been there? Have you wanted to give up?

Tonight I am celebrating… and reappearing here 🙂 because I have read the three books and 15 scholarly articles and written the three papers that put me… officially caught up with my MA work! The piles are still on the floor. My husband has been gracious and forgiving. I feel tired still. But for now, we will celebrate a few moments of freedom! And I will surely sleep well tonight – maybe for even a few extra hours.

Sometimes the mountains do seem insurmountable. Sometimes they stand in front of us for many more than two weeks. Sometimes it is appropriate to give up the climb, or go around, or find a different path. This time I just pushed hard, and I got through. I am grateful.

What mountains are you facing? How do you take on the mountains in your life?

a shout out

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March 8th is International Women’s Day! You may not have known that. It is not a high-profile holiday here in the US, maybe it is where you live.

You may not have planned any extra activities or special menu items for the day. If you forgot to invite your family and friends over for the celebration, that’s OK. I thought we could celebrate here!

shouting-for-joy

Since living almost 20 years in Latin America, I know that you do not need an official reason to have a party. It can always be fiesta time! When I read that March 8th is International Women’s Day, I immediately began to have a party in my heart as I reflected on the amazing women who have been on my life journey with me.

I began thinking about family first… My brave Mom who is battling cancer and just lost her husband but continues on loving me and others. My sisters who have each fought their own personal battles through the years, but are growing and learning and giving sacrificially to others. My daughters who make me so proud as they become thoughtful, generous, sensitive, creative, strong, caring women.

shout Newsbie

I could never list all the special women who have been friends, coaches, mentors, and inspirational examples for me, but as their faces flashed through my mind, I remember life-changing conversations and experiences together, and my soul feels refreshed and ready for any challenge life may bring.

Friends also came to mind… friends from all stages of life and all parts of the globe. How they have brought laughter, adventure, comfort and challenge to my world! We have talked for hours, worked side by side on eternally valued projects, and cried and hugged through pain. I am a better person because of their investment in my life.

Jimmy Jack Kane / Foter / CC BY-NC-SA

I thought, too, of the women I have never met, but I have read about them or read their books or blogs. Women leaders and those who have suffered great tragedies. Women who advocate for women to find their place in powerful divine alliance with men for good and change and hope in our world.

And speaking of men, I cannot forget to mention the ones who have believed in me, sponsored me, and always ensured that I found the stairs to the unique platform God designed for me. My incredible husband, Steve, is the first one on this list.

I have written about some of these special people through the years, but I can never do them all justice. Their influence is engraved in my mind, heart, and soul. So this week, I am taking advantage of International Women’s Day to give a shout out to these special ones. I am so grateful for paths that crossed and lives that intersected.

Will you join my fiesta? Who would you like to honor on this International Women’s Day? Name your special people in the comments… I’d love to celebrate with you!