I’ve had some physical challenges lately, and as a result…some emotional challenges, and as a result… some relationship challenges.
It appears that I am entering a new stage of life… and I do not like it a whole lot.
I have always been a high energy and a high performance person. I have a good quantity of self confidence and intelligence, and ability to set my mind to something and make it happen. Or so I like to think.
In my deep inner being, I know I am not really in control of much of anything in my life. I just like to act like I am. Until…things begin to happen in my life that I – very obviously – cannot control. Today it is health related, but other times it can be people related, or work, or money, or any other issue.
And, I don’t like it.
When I cannot control something or someone like I want to, it exposes the “real” me… to myself and to others. It exposes my impatience, my critical spirit, my frustration, and my irritation levels that I would prefer to keep carefully guarded and hidden from the public eye.
I like to appear “all together”. I like to be optimistic and always with a desire to help out a friend… not moody, grumpy, tired, and pretty much disinterested in others’ problems like I feel these days.
I am sure this stage will pass eventually, and I will feel like “myself” again. However, it has been a good reminder that my true self is actually a mixture of many facets – positive and negative, good and bad, pretty and pretty ugly. Those who know me well already know that truth about me. Sometimes, others unexpectedly get a glimpse of my not-so-well-hidden self.
This life stage has also been a good reminder that my friends, co-workers, and family are also a mixed up mess of moods and attitudes and energy levels. I get them on good days and bad days. Ups and downs. Fun and not so fun. The whole package. The parts I love, the parts I tolerate, and the parts I would rather not experience.
Just as they do with me. We are a whole package. We have much to offer some days. We have a lot of needs on other days. We are made to live in community in a rhythm of giving and recieving. May God help me to embrace the whole package and give others the same acceptance and grace and love that I have been receiving these days.
What do you do when you do not feel like your best you? How do you respond to others on their difficult days/weeks/months/years?
I think that God likes to remind me/us that ultimately only He is truly in control! This mad mixture of emotions, feelings and circumstances helps me remember this! Love your word picture!
Thanks so much, Alice. You have helped me many times to remember that HE is the one in control!
You’re me! We’re everybody! The picture you paint is so real to my everyday existence that I can feel the frustration even as I read the words. Thanks for the reminder that we’re not in control of life. I know it. Why do I forget to act like it?
… but I WANT to be in control! hahaha! Reminds me of the movie “Bruce Almighty”… what a mess I would make of it, if I was the one in charge!