tired | maturitas cafe

Photo credit: matthew-henry-6x-hVXXiBxs-unsplash

So… we’ve been at this virus thing a while now, and we’re getting worn down. The initial adrenaline has worn off – as it should. We were not created to live with an enduring adrenaline rush.

We embraced the novelty of our new realities, using creativity and technology to survive, but that has gotten old too. Now, the isolation, the confinement, the messes, the unknowns, and the losses are accumulating… and they add up to a whole lot of tired. I began to make a list of some of the exhaustion culprits.

Zoom Fatigue

When we use the same platform for everything (work meetings and one-on-ones, socializing and virtual parties, family events, church services, online classes, doctors’ appointments, and maybe counseling too), we have no context changes and we. sit. way. too. much. In addition, the audio lags, “frozen” visuals, and mute-mistakes create mental agitation. The self-view ensures ongoing self-criticism, and the home-background-view can cause social comparison. The lack of eye-contact (do I look at the screen faces or at the camera?) and the group direct-staring is abnormal and relationally draining.

Information Fatigue

I don’t know about you, but I’ve gone from reading voraciously and talking constantly about every single coronavirus 2 (SARS-CoV-2) detail to not wanting to see another C19 chart, graph, statistic, comment, or hand-washing video. My head is full of contradicting, ever-changing, anxiety-raising, conflict-causing (mis) information, and I don’t have the energy to input more data into my brain.

Decision Fatigue

It seems that all previously simple choices have become overly complex and complicated. Going to the store for groceries now requires consideration of all the safety features and evaluation against the risk of catching the virus or – even more concerning – the possibility of passing it on to someone else. Is it safe to get my hair cut or go to the dentist? Do I wear a mask? How can I support local businesses and those in need?

Uncertainty Fatigue

I say “I don’t know” or “Nobody knows” a lot. So many plans are on hold with no clear direction in sight. We write events into the calendar in pencil, hold anxiously to job hopes, and worry about the economy. When will we get back to the way things were before? What will be the new “normal”? How will our world be forever changed?

I could go on and on…

Isolation Fatigue
No-Alone-Time Fatigue
Messiness Fatigue
Boredom Fatigue
Worry Fatigue
Fear Fatigue
Room (house) Fatigue

They say the first step to healing is naming the pain. It is helpful to realize just how much pressure is landing heavily on our shoulders each day. Our world is crazy-different than it was only a few months ago.

When I recognize the effort I am putting into getting through each day, I can give myself grace when I can’t see through my brain fog, when I am grumpy, or when I cry for no reason. I can also more easily encourage myself to rest, take a break, or ignore the “should-do-list.”

I can also give that same grace and encouragement to others.

What is causing you fatigue? How can you give pressure-lifting grace and encouragement to yourself or to others?

exhausted.

stressed.

anxious.

overwhelmed.

can’t breathe.

no end in sight.

Ever felt that way?

That is how I have felt the last two weeks. The last two weeks were an accumulation of the start of this year… normal work and immediate family responsibilities, but add to that, a serious family illness with death as the final outcome requiring out-of-state travel to the memorial service and the search, purchase, move-in, and furnishing of a new home… and assignments for two MA classes to top it off!

My professors basically gave me these last two weeks to catch up on the semester’s work because I had fallen so far behind. Otherwise, we were looking at dropping the classes or taking an extension into the summer… neither of those sounded like a good option to me!

As a StrengthsFinder identified “Achiever”, I did not want to settle for less than pushing through the mountain and getting to the other side… where rest and tranquility awaited me (I can dream, can’t I?).

However, as I pushed hard – hours with my nose in the books, more hours on the computer, turning down invitations to fun events, ignoring the piles all around my new house, sleeping 4-5 hours a night, getting impatient with my husband… I began to resent the effort.

I began to question why I really cared. I began to doubt my ability to get through the mountain.

Have you ever been there? Have you wanted to give up?

Tonight I am celebrating… and reappearing here 🙂 because I have read the three books and 15 scholarly articles and written the three papers that put me… officially caught up with my MA work! The piles are still on the floor. My husband has been gracious and forgiving. I feel tired still. But for now, we will celebrate a few moments of freedom! And I will surely sleep well tonight – maybe for even a few extra hours.

Sometimes the mountains do seem insurmountable. Sometimes they stand in front of us for many more than two weeks. Sometimes it is appropriate to give up the climb, or go around, or find a different path. This time I just pushed hard, and I got through. I am grateful.

What mountains are you facing? How do you take on the mountains in your life?