crash and burn

computer crashI’ve been burning the candle at both ends for a while now. Not much margin. Not much sleep. Running late. Not remembering all I have to do. Just barely keeping my head above water… sometimes going under.

Last night I sank.

I have spent many, many hours during the last few months transitioning to a new computer. I have a definite love-hate relationship with that process. Its is nice to have more speed, more space, and new apps, but I dread the work it takes to set the new computer up with my programs, information, and personal settings. This new computer seemed more difficult than others before. More frustrations, more questions, more things I didn’t like… but I almost had it working the way I like…

and then it crashed last night! Dead. Black screen. No coming back.

We called technical support, and they hinted that it was probably my fault somehow – that didn’t help my frustration level (just saying). I have to ship it away, and it will be two weeks before I get it back.

Guess what? I haven’t left myself enough margin in my life for a two-week detour! I don’t have enough “free” time to do that transition work all over again. But it doesn’t really matter. I will have to find time to repeat the process.

I have been wrestling with my bad attitudes, panic, and discouragement all day. I am also feeling guilty for having my life wound up so tightly that this kind of bump in the road has me so flustered.

I mentioned my crisis in a Facebook status and received lots of empathy and encouragement – that has helped. I had my data backed up. I actually have an old computer I can use, so I remember to be grateful and not complain too strongly when others around the world have none. And I am wondering what other lessons I might need to learn…

Do I need to make some schedule changes? Am I reverting to old habits of few healthy boundaries? Is this just an inevitable season of life or a result of bad choices? What can I change to handle situations like this better in the future?

Have you been through a crash and burn experience? How do you handle it?

6 thoughts on “crash and burn

  1. What a picture of life! Black screen. No life. It feels hopeless. I so get it! And I appreciate your genuineness here because we so edify the busy. The constant work to accomplish. For what end? Who are we trying to impress? Other people–who are as driven and overwhelmed as we are? God? He’s God, for pete’s sake. Thanks for the reminder of the need for margins. But more than that. For the right attitude to admit I can’t do it all.

    • My dear Dayle… you are such an amazing encourager!! How do you find time to continually read and comment with such deep thought and heart connection? Thanks for letting me know that you also have to process issues like margin and a desire to impress and accomplish. I appreciate you. Much love to you my friend!

  2. Today will be a thing of the past, unless we make a memory with Him who lasts. Ecclesiastes 3:12-14, Prov. 16:9

    • Hey Tessie! (Are you the one writing here?) 🙂 Love that principle! Thanks for sharing Jorge with us – and joining in with us by Skype – the other night so that we could create memories in His honor! Love you all so very much!

  3. Terry, I appreciated your honest post. Sorry about the crash and burn experience you are going through. When I experience that sinking, squeezing, suffocating feeling I ask two questions: What am I pursing? What am I protecting? I check my heart for motives, slow down and listen and see if there is any errant way in me. Then I look to see if I am using strategies to protect unhealthy ways of getting significance and security. Those are my deepest God given needs and my heart is prone to wander from my relationship with Christ to get those needs met. In my life, God has used “crash and burn” times to lead me to deeper connection with Him, repentance and rest, de-cluttering my space and schedule, and ultimately renewed peace and joy. I find that God often uses the Lenten season to prune me and produce margin in my life. Forest fires cause damage but allow for debris to be consumed, light to reach the forest floor, and new growth to occur. Burning is sometimes a good thing:)

    • Such great wisdom, encouragement, and advice in your words, Linda! You’ve added much to the conversation. I appreciate you and look forward to getting to talk more when you are back home. PS You must have a bit more margin in your life these days, if you have time to be reading my blog posts! 🙂

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