What was it I needed to do?

Posted on April 27, 2015 by terry morgan

Photo credit: pni / Source / CC BY-NC-SA

Have you ever gone into a room and forgotten what you went in there to find? Ever forget someone’s name? Ever spend time looking for something because you couldn’t remember where you put it?

These are normal events for most people. At my age, however, they are becoming more worrisome. Some days I worry about losing my memory.

My dad has Parkinson’s and dementia and it saddens me to watch him struggle. I am reading books about dementia and memory loss diseases to learn how to help him, support those who do his care-giving, and understand some of his challenges.

I am also learning how to prevent or at least diminish the potential for my own memory loss. This past week, I read a great biography about a daughter caring for her dementia-affected mom: Inside the Dementia Epidemic: A Daughter’s Memoir. Besides communicating honesty, empathy and encouragement, the author, Martha Stettinius, offers great appendices of resources – one contains suggested antidotes for dementia.

This is a summary of what she writes:

Exercise

Studies show that thirty minutes of daily physical activity (housework, walking, weight training, etc) may be our strongest weapon against Alzheimer’s and other memory loss diseases. Aerobic exercise increases blood flow to the brain and stimulates growth of new brain cells.

Mental Stimulation

Add social community and mental stimulation to exercise and you have a great combination. Work, join a club, volunteer, travel, play games – especially crosswords or puzzles, learn to speak another language or play an instrument. Do these things in relationship with others and your brain continues to make connections too.

Eat Right

Nothing new here right? A good diet helps with a lot of things! Eating dark veggies and fruits, cold water fish (salmon, tuna, mackerel) and nuts (almonds, pecans, walnuts) also decreases the risk for memory loss. Vitamins E, C, and B12 may also help. Cut back on sugars and carbs wherever you can.

In addition, Stettinius suggests that you get checked if you have vision problems, sleep apnea or an infection that damages neurons. Researchers consider each of these as possible catalysts for dementia and Alzheimer’s.

This all seems pretty basic and these are health tips I have heard before. I am just a bit more motivated to take them seriously each time I hear about someone else caring for a loved one who suffers memory loss… and that is often. There are 35.6 million people with dementia worldwide today and analysts expect that amount to almost double by 2030 to around 66 million and double again by 2050 to approximately 115 million.

I am going to do what I can so that I do not add to that number.

How about you? Do you need to change some habits? Or did I already ask you that?

grief comparisons

Posted on April 20, 2015 by terry morgan

Photo credit: Wendy Longo photography / Foter / CC BY-ND

It has been three months since my mom died. Sometimes it feels like years ago. Sometimes it feels like yesterday.

I have not been able to write a blog post since that day. My mind has been foggy, scrambled, gray, and unclear. Some days my heart felt heavy, sad, and lifeless. Other days, I have sensed the warmth of her memory in the flowers and sunshine that she loved so dearly.

During the past months, some friends have asked how I am doing and others have kept an awkward distance, unsure of what to say.

Family members have all processed their grief uniquely, sometimes drawing close to each other, sometimes pulling apart because of tensions, anger, or a desire to process pain alone. Some have cried; others held their emotions in check; still others could not find tears even when they tried. Some went right to work arranging details; others were paralyzed by their loss.

In these three months, numerous other friends have also lost loved ones – children, siblings, parents, friends. Sometimes the deaths arrived as expected, peaceful, a long-awaited transition to a better place. Other deaths came suddenly, violently, shaking family foundations of faith and security.

Some of my friends experienced death much like I did… at the bedside, providing care and comfort, counting the minutes as they turned into hours. Other friends had no opportunity to sit nearby at the end or intentionally chose not to go there. Some appear unaffected by their grief; others are clearly rattled, and others experience a bit of both depending on the day.

I have found myself occasionally comparing my particular experience and my emotional response with others. However, I am learning that we cannot compare our different experiences with death any more than we can compare our different experiences with life.

There is no right or wrong way to do this. There is no standardized approved amount of time, feelings, involvement, or impact that death brings to a person. Each birth, each person, each death is unique.

And so, for me and for you…

Take all the time you need.

Feel whatever it is you feel.

Do what you can and leave the rest.

Give grace, especially to yourself.

Chose safe people and safe places.

Sleep. Cry. Dance. Work. Laugh. Yell. Remember.

Don’t judge.

Don’t compare.

It is grief and so it will be.

∼∗∼

we deserve more

Posted on February 12, 2015 by terry morgan

Valentine’s Day is not my favorite day of the year. I have already mentioned some of the reasons why in an earlier post. This year, however, is worse than ever. My Facebook feed is full of posts about the upcoming movie “Fifty Shades of Grey” based on the book by the same name.

I have not read the book and I will not go see the movie. It holds no attraction for me. As a matter of fact, the basic idea of the content turns my stomach and makes me very angry and very sad at the same time.

I cannot avoid speaking out against this movie. Most movies would not get my attention in this way – my family will vouch for the fact that I sleep through most movies. However, it seems my WORD for 2015 is inspiring me to write this post.

I chose EMPOWER as my WORD for 2015.

All people deserve to be loved, respected, and empowered
for all the best that God created them.

Every person is created with value, dignity, purpose and incredible power to love others and have a positive influence in our world.

One of the greatest threats to true, healthy power is disrespect, devaluing, and abuse of women. I have written about the need for advocates in the past and the amazing power that is attained when men and women work together.

Fifty Shades of Grey glamorizes disrespect, lust, abuse, manipulation, and violence of a man over a woman. The movie degrades both men and women alike, portraying self-centered, hurtful, and power-abusive attitudes and behaviors… and worse yet, the movie will premiere on a day that is supposed to honor love.

If you love yourself, your friends, and/or a special person in your life, please speak out against this movie and do not spend your time or money going to see it, not even for “curiosity”. It is not worth it.

It will not empower you to be all the best you can.

It will not empower anyone you take to see it.

It breaks my heart to think that of how this movie – and others like it – negatively influence and distort the dreams and expectations of people searching for love today. I think of my own children and I want a very different experience for them.

As a woman who has been lovingly married for almost 30 years, I can tell you there are many greater ways to express true love. Do not settle for this low view of “love”. Both men and women can do much better than this movie. We deserve so much more.

What says love and respect to you? How do you help empower others?

powerless

Posted on January 29, 2015 by terry morgan

The irony of it.

I chose my word for 2015 – empower – just a few weeks ago.

While we are still in the first month of the year, I found myself in a situation where I had no power at all.

My mother was on hospice care, and I had joined my siblings and my aunt in her end-of-life care giving.

It was a sacred time – simultaneously a sweet privilege and a suffocating responsibility to accompany her on her journey.

We wanted to beg her to stay, while at the same time we pled with God to mercifully take her quickly because she was so very ready to finish living.

We laughed with her sense of humor, we debated the best choices for her care, and we wept as we watched her suffer.

Her lucid moments provided us precious memories; her confused thoughts and agitated actions forced us to struggle for understanding and responses of grace.

Both her body and her mind were failing, but her faith, her gratitude, and her fighting spirit continued strong.

We imperfectly attempted to give her peace, encouragement, and comfort. We told her we would miss her, but that we would be ok when she chose to go.

There was nothing else I could do. I could not control the process. I could not choose the final moment.

I could only remain present, serve, pray, and love.

Those days there was One with great power in charge of the time… and it was not me.

(My amazing mom left us to live eternally with her Heavenly Father on January 19, 2015.)

There are times when power is a gift, and we are accountable for our strength and our influence. There are times when our greatest power is in submitting to another.

It may be that one of the most important elements of empowering others is helping them to discern the difference.

What has been your experience with power or empowering others?

My word for 2015: Empower

Posted on January 5, 2015 by terry morgan

It did not take a lot of thought to pick my word for this coming year. The idea was on the forefront of my mind almost immediately. In the years past, it has sometimes taken more time and consideration, and I have picked words for attitudes or growth that I needed personally: authentic (2012), courage (2013), and fulfill (2104).

This year I want to focus my energies more towards others. I have received great development, encouragement, and blessing in the last few years. I want to share that with others. So my word for 2015 is EMPOWER.

My husband read this great quote and sent it to me. It fitly describes the purpose for my life efforts this next year.

As we look ahead into the next century,
leaders will be those who empower others.
Bill Gates

I’m not sure what “empower” will look like for me, but I can guess that it will include a few of these things:

Investing time coaching and mentoring others.

Asking more and better questions and “preaching” less.

Saying “no” to doing anything someone else could do.

Controlling less.

Encouraging more.

Humility.

Paying attention and observing others.

Resourcing others with materials, trainings, and assessments – anything that will build confidence and competence in others to do and be their best.

Praying for others more.

Believing more in others’ abilities and expressing my belief to them.

Celebrating with others.

I envision in-fueling people (family, friends, other leaders around the world) with whatever they need to go places and do things that I can’t even imagine.

I look forward to seeing what they will do. Bring it on 2015!

What do you think EMPOWER looks like? What is your word for 2015?

wrapping up 2014

Posted on December 29, 2014 by terry morgan

I have a fun hangover.

All of our grown children came home – plus extras – for two weeks now. People slept in every room of our small townhouse. Imported belongings invaded every counter and every inch of floor space. We saturated days with fun and laughter, adventures, deep conversations, and delicious, not-necessarily-good-for-you food. We delighted in long-standing traditions and created new experiences this first Christmas in our new home. We connected at mind, heart, and spirit. It was an incredibly rich time.

My energy level is a bit low now, but my heart is full.

That seems a fitting condition for the year I christened last January with the word “fulfill”.

These family days together were a dream fulfilled. So is living in this new home and the purposeful work I get to do with my husband. One night at dinner, we all reflected on the past year and answered questions about our greatest challenges and biggest achievements and how we grew or matured or changed through both. I am satisfied with the responsibilities and goals I fulfilled last year and by the choices I made to feel fulfilled personally at this stage of my life. It has been a great year.

There have been hard times too. Death, pain, and poor decisions by loved ones crushed my spirit and drove me to my knees. The aching desire to be present in two – or three or four – places at once has weighed heavier than ever. Community, country, and world conflicts and tragedies have burdened my soul.

And so I consider my word for 2015.

What are my passions? What do I want to do? Where will I prioritize?

I’ve read many a great post about end of year reflection questions and have re-worked some of them for us here.

Where did you thrive last year?

Where did you struggle?

If you had to describe your 2014 in three words, what would they be?

What was your biggest time waster this past year?

Where did you best invest your time?

What, or who, are you most thankful for?

What advice would you give your early-2014 self if you could?

What one thing would you do differently and why?

What topics did you most enjoy learning about?

What did you learn about yourself?

What was a favorite compliment that you received this year?

What is one thing you can do next year to add meaning and relevance?

Maybe you’d like to take time to answer these – and any other favorites you have – and choose a word for 2015. Find a quiet place, your favorite beverage, put your feet up, and enjoy the process.

I’ll post my word next week. I’d love to hear what you choose!

Old favorites. New traditions.

Posted on December 8, 2014 by terry morgan

Old favorites. New traditions.

Christmas has finally arrived at our house!

My husband and I decided to wait to turn in our final Capstone project. Yesterday afternoon the SEND button was pushed, and after 3 1/2 years, we have completed the work for our MA in Global Leadership degree. That is cause for celebration!

So we jumped in the car and drove to Hollywood Studios to see the (literally) millions of lights that “dance” to music for the wide-eyed, joy-filled, shoulder-to-shoulder packed-in-like-sardines, crowd in the street. It was truly impressive and a first time experience for this Orlando transplant.

… and so begin the new Christmas traditions.

This is our first year in our Florida home, so decorating requires new decisions… with the old favorites. Many plastic tubs of strangely-out-of-place snow and evergreen themed treasures, a life long of collected ornaments, and beloved hot chocolate mugs have exploded in my living room. I love the transformation that warm candles, white lights, and years of collected nativities bring to the home.

We are bringing all of our children to Orlando to celebrate this year – another new experience with “old” favorites. This Christmas will include Disney parks, warm weather, and lots of crazy people filling every inch of floor space in a small townhome and every moment of the days with silly insider jokes, laughter, music, adventures, hugs, stories, pictures, memories, and love. We need to buy more food, warn the neighbors, and make sure the camera batteries are charged. I can’t wait!

This morning, as I anticipate the craziness, I also reflect on my every-year desire to keep one constant in this season – a quiet, peaceful, heartfelt connection with the One who gives true meaning to this holiday. Jesus is my favorite part of all life, and each year I have the opportunity to create new “traditions” that keep us close.

Here are a few of my special traditions for CHRISTmastime perspective.

Pentatonix a cappella cover of “Little Drummer Boy”

The Piano Guys “Angels We Have Heard on High”

(an older favorite) A Social Media Christmas

What are some of your Christmas favorites? What new traditions are you starting this year?

power in forgiveness

Posted on December 3, 2014 by terry morgan

What is it about forgiveness?

What is it that makes forgiveness so hard to ask for, so hard to give, and so life-changing when it happens authentically?

In my memories, my parents fought through all of my childhood. Different personalities, life and work pressures, insecurities and immaturities all added to the fire, and alcoholism added fuel. Eventually, they divorced after 25 years of marriage. It was not pretty. It was not amicable.

For almost 30 years they have lived in the same city, but never saw each other. At first, we could not even mention my mom’s name in front of my dad. We arranged every holiday and every family event around which parent we would visit when, or which one of them would be invited to attend. It could never be both of them at the same time. They will never know how many hours of planning, debate, maneuvering, and heart anguish accompanied each special occasion through the years.

This Thanksgiving, something amazing happened. My parents agreed – for the first time in almost 30 years – to give thanks…. together. The death of a spouse, terminal cancer, and many years passing finally cleared the way for reconciliation, acceptance, forgiveness, and peace.

There were a few uncertain and awkward moments (mostly by the siblings who were orchestrating the event), but all in all, it was one of the most significant and inspiring holidays that I can remember.

It was a powerful, healing moment for everyone – even the grandchildren – to watch my parents greet each other at the front door… both very frail, very tired, and finally… very at peace.

Neither could eat very much, but the meal was sacred. They did not talk of anything substantial – dementia has stolen that opportunity – but their interaction was deeply meaningful to all who were there.

My parents’ reunion after all these years does not change much at this point in time… and it changes everything.

Their willing hearts were a testimony to hope.

My family watched the life-end desire for peace overcome long-guarded anger and separation. We experienced genuine humility vanquish pride, regret, and deep pain. stubbornness lost to prayer, patience, and perseverance over time.

There is a new freedom in our lives – and in our children’s lives. A freedom won by broken lives restored and divided families reunited. A freedom earned by barriers torn down and destroyed. A freedom gained by letting go of bitterness and grabbing on to forgiveness. A freedom that carries a belief in the impossible, because we saw it happen with our own eyes.

Forgiveness is powerful.

Is there someone you need to forgive today? You don’t have to wait.

on the (bike) path of life

Posted on November 24, 2014 by terry morgan

Reflecting on a ride…

It was a ~~warm~~ very hot, sunny day in Orlando. We were ready for a new adventure, energized and enthusiastic… and a little unsure of how it would turn out in the end. We had done our homework: asking questions of the “experts”, researching on Internet, and preparing our equipment. We had a trail recommendation, map directions, snacks and water in our bags, and air in our tires.

Preparation is wise and helpful,
but it does not guarantee ease or success.

Off we went. The sights were beautiful – shade trees, flowers, benches and wooden bridges. We followed the path signs, passed lakes and luxury homes, schools and parks; we crossed streets and highways.

Life isn’t usually a 1/4 mile round track.
It is a cross-country journey;
for each one – different, unique, valuable in its own way.

We rode along mostly side by side, as is our preference. Sometimes one of us rode out it front, setting the pace. On some stretches, we passed others who walked, jogged, or rode more slowly. At other places, we were the ones who ceded to riders who passed us by.

Life is a journey of ebb and flow, rhythms, and sharing the road together.

Some folks called out “good morning” or “hello”; others were quiet or distracted with their own thoughts, music, or life situation. Some rode with children; some walked with friends, others walked with pets. A rich community.

Life isn’t meant to be lived alone.
Whether we have a few special friends or many important relationships,
we need company along the way.

There were flat parts and then hills to climb. There were almost-out-of-control downhill inclines, sharp curves, and bumps. One short stretch was “off-road”, rocky, washed out and rutted.

Life has many experiences along the trail, breaking the monotony,
adding variety, mixing times of challenge and rest.

At the end of the ride, we were worn out and tired – but accomplished. I see this in my mom’s life as she is nearing the end of her journey. So much energy and enthusiasm at the start; wearniness now with a sense of completion and satisfaction, and peace.

Where are you on your life path? How are you doing on your ride?

to celebrate or not to celebrate

Posted on October 27, 2014 by terry morgan

Photo credit: Theresa Thompson / Foter / CC BY

This past week I celebrated my birthday!

Years ago, I had no desire to advertise that fact. It wasn’t that I wanted to hide my age; I just have never been one who enjoys all the focused attention that a birthday entails. I am not fond of birthday parties for myself (although there have been a few exceptions), and I definitely do not like surprise birthday parties. (It probably has something to do with wanting control. That should be fairly obvious if you have read a few of my posts! 🙂 )

Despite that historical background, I have changed my tune when it comes to birthday celebrations. I’m sure my years living in Mexico had something to do with my new attitude. In Mexico, there is always a good reason to have a party! Celebration is an important part of life. Birthdays, especially, get lots of attention… hugs, phone calls, words of affirmation, songs, gifts, cakes, piñatas, meals out, parties… it’s all good! In church settings, the birthday celebrator often stands up front during the service and gives thanks to God for the gift of another year of life.

That tradition touched my heart.

At my age, now 54, I have had to say good-bye to too many friends – many who were younger even than me. I am well aware that not everyone gets to celebrate 54 years of life. I am blessed. I do not want to take that for granted.

Instead of ignoring the accomplishment, I want to be thankful.

So… parties still are not my favorite means of celebration, but I do like to spend quality time with people I love; I really enjoy hearing from family and friends; and I love to do something special or go somewhere fun to intentionally recognize the milestone and express my gratitude. (This year it was a day at Hollywood Studios with my wonderful husband!)