rainy day – muddy heart

Posted on September 16, 2013 by terry morgan

This rainy morning is my heart today – gray, foggy, cold, muddy, and deplete of any desire to do productive work. I want to return to bed, wrap myself in the comfort of soft blankets, drink coffee… and forget about the real world.

Do you ever have days like this?

Intellectually I battle my mood… We need the rain. It is good for the plants. We’ve had such a drought – I should feel grateful. The rain will end soon, and sunshine will cheer me up again. I can DO this. Just get up and get moving.

My reasoning doesn’t really help much. I am simply out of sorts today.

There are legitimate reasons for my mood. The rain really is p.o.u.r.i.n.g. down, the mountain dirt road is truly very m.u.d.d.y. and not conducive to driving.

My husband’s father is dying in another city, and our conversations center around hospice decisions, flight options, keeping family informed, and the schedule implications for my “other” life and future international trips. The emotions in my heart and the thoughts in mind are as gray, and foggy and muddy as the world outside my window.

Understandably so.

Some days are not full of sunshine. Some days are gray and sad and not my favorites. Some days are not productive… or are they? Sometimes doing less means time for quiet reflection, soul-level conversations, nourishing prayer, healing grief, needed rest…

I am normally an active, optimistic, sunshine-loving, type-A person, but I am learning to accept my rainy days and foggy thoughts too. They are a part of my life, inevitable and unavoidable… even purposeful. Cleansing and new growth come from the rain… for the earth and for me.

How do you handle the gray days in your life?

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*Update: My father-in-law died on Saturday, Sept. 14. My husband flew to be with him in his last hours. We appreciate your prayers for the family.

I am not doing enough

Posted on September 2, 2013 by terry morgan

The pictures haunt my dreams. The stories tear at my heart.

Acid attacks in India. Sexual violence in Syria. Human trafficking in Nicaragua…

…not to mention the nightly local news.

Beauty robbed. Life scarred forever. Families anguished.

Pain. Hatred. Fear. Injustice. Shame. Evil.

Report after report of misogyny, disrespect, violation, and cruelty. Attacked because of a commitment to go to school or a refusal to marry at puberty. Coerced because of lust and greed. Abused by strangers, lovers, family members.

I cannot comprehend these things. They shake me to the core. They disrupt my thoughts; they upset my stomach; they burden my heart.

“The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil
is for good men to do nothing.”

― credited to Edmund Burke

What can I do? What do you do?

I live in comfort and safety, surrounded by love. I have freedom, choices, protection. My everyday life is not threatened as are the lives of so many women.

I have education, influence, money, discretionary time…

I have responsibility. I have hope.

I know I can pray more. I am asking God to show me what else I can do…

What injustice are you passionate about changing? What are you doing?

(**If you have helpful information, sites, or organizations that you help, please leave the links in your comment, so we can learn from each other!)

a bucket list

Posted on August 6, 2013 by terry morgan

I read recently that the words “bucket list” are going out of style, as trendy words sometimes do after overuse during a period of time.

Personally, since doctors gave my mom the terminal cancer diagnosis, I have not been too concerned about the trendiness or overuse of the word. It is much more important to me that she is living her bucket list.

The pictures in this post are of my mom. In a kayak. Out in the ocean. Way out. With seals and (big!) boats and waves.

Remember, my mom is almost 80 years old and fighting cancer with bi-weekly chemo treatments. She is fragile and weak. She hates to fly and has to smoke… BUT she traveled to San Diego to spend time at the ocean she loves with a friend who loves her… AND she took a seven hour adventure in a kayak… and she loved it!

I am so proud of her.

Too often I let fear or inconvenience or what-others-will-think get in my way of trying something new or pursuing a dream or taking on a challenge. I can settle for comfortable instead of fulfilling, good enough instead of invigorating, status quo instead of satisfying.

But I want a life that is more than just adequate. I believe God created me for an abundant life. I want to live all-out and full-force with less hesitation and more heart, fewer petty concerns and more passion, less worry and more freedom.

Tim McGraw sings a country song that says, “I hope someday you have the chance to live like you were dying”. My mom is helping me learn to live that way.

How about you? Do you have a bucket list? What holds you back from living life to the fullest today?

flashbacks and memories

Posted on July 29, 2013 by terry morgan

She would have been on the porch waiting and watching anxiously for our arrival. She would have walked slowly over the gravel rocks to the parking area to bear hug each one as they exited from the car doors. With a sweet, gentle smile, she would have commented on how each child had grown, how good they looked, and expressed how happy she was that we were here… but, she wasn’t there this time.

The house seems quiet without her, but her presence is everywhere: her handiwork on the walls, her pictures on the fridge, her jackets still hanging and occasionally borrowed for a walk down the lane.

Conversations frequently turn to her… “Must be weird for you to be here…”, “First time back since…”, “I miss her too…”. Eyes fill with tears.

I missed her especially in the kitchen, where she was often, brewing the morning coffee, making up a quick snack or a full meal, answering the phone, taking notes, finishing crossword puzzles, always with a warm welcome when we came upstairs.She probably would have baked a cake for her firstborn’s special visit… but there was no welcome cake this year.

I missed her at the campfire too. How she laughed at the antics of the dogs and the people. How she loved to listen to the music. She would smile so proudly and compliment each musician in turn. She would sing along with the favorites and listen carefully to new melodies. This year, Papa sat alone at the fire-pit.

Papa is so sad and lost without her. The love of his life is gone and life feels empty and lonely and long.

I understand. I miss her too. Her life was a legacy. I know she’s in a good place with no more illness or hurt, but that doesn’t lessen our pain here. It’s only been a year, but her absence will be felt forever. ♥

Have you lost someone special? Are there special places or times that remind you of them?

why work-life “balance” doesn’t work

Posted on July 1, 2013 by terry morgan

Today I am presenting a re-blog post by my friend, Susan DiMickele. She is the author of Working Women of the Bible and other books.

For many years I struggled with the idea of seeking “balance” for all areas of life. I often used “tension” or “rhythm” as a better word, but I enjoyed how Susan described the issue on her blog. I think you are going to like it also…
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I frequently am asked the question: “How do you achieve work-life balance?”

My standard response used to be, “Well, I pray and I maintain a sense of humor.”

But then I got to thinking. Who am I really kidding? Most weeks, there is no balance in my life. Why don’t I just admit it?

And I don’t think I’m alone. The word “balance” just doesn’t describe the lives of most working professionals I know.

Please continue reading here!

Also, if you want to read more about Susan’s excellent book, Working Women of the Bible, I wrote a post about it here.

so grateful for…

Posted on June 10, 2013 by terry morgan

I woke up too early this morning. I was (more than) a bit grumpy since I really didn’t want to be alert at that hour, but almost immediately some special people came to my mind, and I decided to take advantage of the peaceful quiet to pray for them.

The minutes began to add up as more and more people filled my groggy thoughts, and my grumpiness began to convert into gratitude. I have many wonderful people in my life. They are kind and brave and fun and generous. I began to make a list; I am proud of so many of them…

My mom – Although I know she was afraid of the cancer diagnosis and almost ready to die because of the pain, she chose bravely to undergo the surgery and the chemo treatments. She is making the most of her good days with friends and family, often doing favors for others. It isn’t always easy, but she is strong and an encouragement to me.

My husband – He has traveled to take care of his dad this week; I know it is hard for him there. It is discouraging to experience his dad depressed and weak and sad, a shadow of the man he used to be… Despite the challenges, my husband is sacrificially serving his dad – cleaning, cooking and being a companion. I miss him when he’s gone, but I am glad he is there with his dad.

My family – In my family and my husband’s family, there are others who do the major share of the care for our elderly parents. While we may fill in from time to time, they are present or on call almost every day. I am impressed by their willing hearts and their attention to innumerable details. I know it is frustrating and exhausting at times. They are my heroes.

My children – I am really proud of my children. They are each one very unique and gifted in so many ways. They are also imperfect and have all kinds of normal challenges and problems, but I love the adults they are becoming. I especially like that they love me too.

My friends – Both those from the past and my new friends from this year have added much joy to my life. I am inspired by their faith and their desire to grow and their determination to keep moving forward. Some of them have had to overcome some very difficult trials and hurts, but I see them committed to healing and wholeness and finding the strength to help others. I have received abundantly from their generous lives, and I am grateful for each one of them.

I never did get back to sleep… my list continued on and on, and I eventually realized it was a very blessed life I was waking up to meet. Not a bad way to start the day.

Who is on your grateful list? Who makes you proud?

life is a story

Posted on May 20, 2013 by terry morgan

Every life is a story… Comedy. Drama. Action. Horror. Newscast.

My favorite part of our meetings this year is when each person took a few minutes to tell (a very brief version of) their life journey. Many made us laugh. Others made us cry. Some left us with our mouths open in disbelief. Each story was unique.

Some used pictures. Others told stories. Some communicated with confidence and creative presentations. Others simply read from their notes. Some were so nervous that their voice cracked and their knees literally trembled as they spoke… but they did it, and it was powerful.

I could relate to some of the stories; others were very, very different from my reality. Either way, I felt more connected to each one as I came to know them just a little bit better. Through our vulnerability, we were building community.

Pain permeated many of the stories; loneliness, illness, rejection, death. Some told of shame or fear, lost dreams or broken hearts. For a few the pain was fresh and raw; a story being told for the first time. For others, the sting is gone now, and they are living a new life. I often heard a thread of grace, redemption, and hope.

Although I have always been a “people person” and have enjoyed meeting many different types of people, I feel like this year I have come to appreciate each person’s unique story more than ever. I have especially treasured those people who are open and real with me, allowing me to see their brokenness and their imperfections… and those who have invited me to share their new adventures and their joys.

It is sometimes more comfortable and natural for us to compare, or hide, and isolate ourselves from others, but I recognize each life is valuable and lived to be told. In a safe place, with a commitment to growth, our lives are a priceless gift when shared with others. As our lives intersect, they are like the threads in a beautiful tapestry… not to be hidden, but to bring warmth and beauty and richness to our world.

Do you share your (real) life with others? Are you a safe place for others to share their story?

a 30-year celebration

Posted on May 6, 2013 by terry morgan

Where did the time go? How did I get here? Am I really that old? Did I ever imagine when I was first starting out that I would arrive to this point? Has it been worth it?

This year I celebrate 30 years working with the organization known as cru. I started out 30+ years ago with enthusiasm, belief, energy, a bit of trepidation and the support of family and friends. I stepped out of my comfort zone, moved to a new state (and eventually new countries), and I took on challenges that I wasn’t sure I could actually accomplish.

I believed that I could help change the world.

I learned a new language, developed my strengths, grew in weak areas, tried new experiences, tasted new flavors, and worked with some of the most incredible people in the world. Sometimes I made mistakes and poor decisions. I loved working with others, dreaming dreams, and creating something new.

I believed that – even with my weaknesses – I could make a difference.

I trusted strangers. I loved those who were lost; I helped others grow. I changed because they taught me new ways. I asked for forgiveness and forgave those who hurt me. I shared my time, my home, and my heart with many who became life-long friends. I said good-bye too many times.

I believed that people can change.

I laughed. I cried. I mourned. I celebrated.

30 years have gone by, but the adventure continues.

I still believe…

_______________

Are you following your dreams? What do you believe?

younger next year

Posted on April 22, 2013 by terry morgan

When we are children, we can’t wait to grow up, play with the “big guys”, and enjoy the privileges that come with accumulated years of age.

It doesn’t take long before we are we looking back on our years of youth with deep longing, working hard and paying plenty to stall (or at least hide) the age progression, and wishing that Ponce de León had truly found the fountain of youth!

So, it will be no surprise to you that the title of the book, “Younger Next Year“, caught my attention. I don’t know where I picked it up, but it has been sitting on my shelf for a few years, and this week I decided to read it through. Since it was open on the table (with only a hypothetical need for the content!), my husband read it too.

Two men co-wrote the book – a doctor, Henry S. Lodge, M.D., and his patient/friend, Chris Cowley. They combine scientific knowledge and motivation into a 7 point training routine that they claim can put off the typical effects of aging and provide health and energy for life into the 80’s and 90’s.

Harry’s Rules are:

Exercise six days a week for the the rest of your life.
Do serious aerobic exercise four days a week for the rest of your life.
Do serious strength training, with weights, two days a week for the rest of your life.
Spend less than you make.
Quit eating crap!
Care.
Connect and commit.

I did not enjoy the “tone” of the book that much. I did not agree with some of the scientific basis, and the book has a to-the-boys, “locker-room” communication style. On the other hand, their rules challenge me, and I see great value it all of them. I especially appreciate how physical, financial, and relational elements share space on the list. A disciplined application of these rules could definitely add years to a person’s life.

How about you? Do you long for younger days? What are you doing to “stay” young?

**Since writing this post, I found that the book exists in a special version for women: Younger Next Year for Women.

who do you trust?

Posted on March 28, 2013 by terry morgan

Easter is one of the most reflective seasons of the year. Many people consider faith options during this time, searching for truth, peace, and purpose. When I was in college, I found these things for my life in a personal relationship with God. I took time to investigate options, ask questions, study further… eventually I trusted in what Christ did for me on the cross, rather than in my own efforts. That decision changed my life; it gives me hope for each day and security for my eternal future.

If you are searching, questioning or studying… I offer you this video as part of your process. Our ministry, cru, created these four minutes of powerful visual images to help people understand God’s love and forgiveness, and the reason we celebrate Easter = Christ’s death and resurrection for us. I hope you enjoy it and that it is helpful for your own personal journey. Let me know what you think!