life and death

Nothing like death to make me think about life. It is so easy to run from one thing to another without reflection… until running is no longer an option… until there are no options at all… until life is done and there is suddenly all kinds of quiet, emptiness, solitude, and time to think. Too much time. Not enough time.

My husband’s mom passed away last week. We had just spent a wonderful week as a family with her and all his relatives – something we don’t get to do but every five to ten years. His mom looked good; she was apparently winning the ugly cancer fight; we enjoyed precious time together… and then two days later she was gone. An unexpected aneurysm leak took her life in just a few hours.

“Nanny” was a sweet lady – I felt very loved by her. I am struggling with how life, vacation gatherings, and family communication will change without her. She had a warm, inviting, accepting character that attracted people instantly and bonded them to her life-long. (please see my husband’s tribute to her) She entered eternity with a grace, calm and peace that I hope to have…

I am so grateful for the relationship we had with “Nanny”. Although we lived at great geographical distance all of our married life, we worked hard to stay close. Phone calls, cards and letters (past), Facebook (present), and vacation get-togethers allowed my children to really know and love Nanny. Sometimes it required extra expense or a very long drive, but it was so worth the effort. I do not regret investing during her lifetime, and we have no regrets at her death.

I wonder if I can say that about all of my relationships? Am I investing today, so that if they were gone tomorrow I would have no regrets? Have I made the effort? Have I told them I love them? Have I reconciled our conflicts? Have I given them my time, my energy, my focused attention? Is there anything still undone… anything that I need to say?

Life is so fragile and uncertain. Death comes without warning. I don’t want death to catch me unprepared. I want to be ready.

Are you ready? If death visits you or a loved one tomorrow… what do you need to do today?

6 thoughts on “life and death

  1. I think about those questions a lot. Having lost my best friend, it makes it even more real…the things I need to do to foster good relationships while I have them. Sometimes I dream of people I have lost to death and there is always this sense that I didn’t do enough…so I question myself…am I doing enough to let them know I love them, do I treasure relationships, will I have no regrets at the end? Thank you for sharing!


  2. Some years back a friend of mine worked in hospice. She said that one of the things they do is help patients and their families bring relationships current – she explained that many times life and activity cause an emotional distance so that family members are not really present when they are in proximity of one another. It deeply impacted me and this returns to my mind regularly – especially when I am in proximity but not present with those I love. Thanks for the reminder.


  3. hola Terry, gracias por compartir. Que lindo es despedirse de alguien y no dejar cabos sueltos, todo en orden, al mismo tiempo es triste pensar en no volver a ver a esa persona, bueno al menos aquí en la tierra.
    Te mando un abrazo fuerte con mucho cariño.


    • Tú entiendes esta despedida aún mejor que yo, amiga! Siento que es mejor amar y tener el dolor que protejernos y no amar… es cierto con las depedidas geográficas también… cuando no sabemos si vaya a haber oportunidad de vernos otra vez aquí en la tierra… que linda esperanza de vernos en el cielo!! 🙂 Te regreso un fuerte abrazo con mucho cariño!


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