rainy day – muddy heart

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This rainy morning is my heart today – gray, foggy, cold, muddy, and deplete of any desire to do productive work. I want to return to bed, wrap myself in the comfort of soft blankets, drink coffee… and forget about the real world.

Do you ever have days like this?

Intellectually I battle my mood… We need the rain. It is good for the plants. We’ve had such a drought – I should feel grateful. The rain will end soon, and sunshine will cheer me up again. I can DO this. Just get up and get moving.

My reasoning doesn’t really help much. I am simply out of sorts today.

There are legitimate reasons for my mood. The rain really is p.o.u.r.i.n.g. down, the mountain dirt road is truly very m.u.d.d.y. and not conducive to driving.

My husband’s father is dying in another city, and our conversations center around hospice decisions, flight options, keeping family informed, and the schedule implications for my “other” life and future international trips. The emotions in my heart and the thoughts in mind are as gray, and foggy and muddy as the world outside my window.

Understandably so.

Some days are not full of sunshine. Some days are gray and sad and not my favorites. Some days are not productive… or are they? Sometimes doing less means time for quiet reflection, soul-level conversations, nourishing prayer, healing grief, needed rest… 

I am normally an active, optimistic, sunshine-loving, type-A person, but I am learning to accept my rainy days and foggy thoughts too. They are a part of my life, inevitable and unavoidable… even purposeful. Cleansing and new growth come from the rain… for the earth and for me.

How do you handle the gray days in your life?

____

*Update: My father-in-law died on Saturday, Sept. 14. My husband flew to be with him in his last hours. We appreciate your prayers for the family.

6 thoughts on “rainy day – muddy heart

  1. Hi Muddy friend: Enjoyed your sensitive sharing what ‘s up in your heart and mind when in sadness. To me it is a normal process to go through, so normal as it is to be quick and sunny when the sun enlightens the day…. I have been through a lot and I see the sad days as times to rest and be okay the way I am. People should know that rain and thunder are natural phenomenons, in our heart and souls too…Thank again for sharing, remember we keep our mother Earth alive when feeling her moods!

  2. I’m so sorry to hear about Steve’s dad. But I so appreciate your honesty with your gray days and muddy mind. I have them so often, and it’s hard for folks to accept that from me because, like you, I tend to be sunny. Thank you for your willingness to let the world see the depth of your heart, the genuineness of your emotions. I love the thought that cleansing and growth come from the rain. Better perspective!

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