one night stand

Posted on October 13, 2014 by terry morgan

I looked forward to the family wedding get-together for months. All of my children would arrive from different locations for a few precious days of fun and celebration. We arranged for my two daughters’ flights to arrive close to ours for convenient pick-ups at the airport. We planned connecting flights with an hour between – just enough time to make it to the new gate; not too much time waiting around in airport lobbies. All details considered. Everything under control.

Ha! I should have know better. It is never that easy…

My husband and I departed on our first flight 20 minutes late. We ran to our next gate – we are too old for that – but sprinted on our flight just in time. Our luggage was not as fortunate.

My oldest daughter learned at check-in that her flight was re-routed to another city, and her connection would arrive a few hours later than planned. Not that big of an inconvenience – just an unplanned additional trip to the airport. We would be going to pick up our luggage anyway.

It was my “baby” who had the hardest time. Her first flight also departed late for some unknown reason. Although she and two others from her flight rushed through the airport for the connection and arrived with 10 minutes to spare, an impending storm motivated the crew to take off 10 minutes early(!)… and leave those three passengers behind.

My girl called out-of-breath and frustrated as she waited in line for a seat assignment on the next flight out. So began our saga. The plane was supposed to take off in a few hours, but as a dark, windy, torrential rain came down, the flight was delayed… and delayed… and delayed again. Finally, a gate change, new pilot, and many hours later, she texted me that she had boarded her flight. (Sigh of relief!)

But… a few minutes later, a call confirmed the worst. The pilot announced on the plane that he already had too many hours for the day. He could not fly that night… and neither could the passengers.

Everyone grumbled as they packed up belongings and left the plane to form long, angry lines at the gate desks to check on options… for the next day. By the time my daughter received a seat on a flight – for 6:00 PM (!), it was the middle of the night. Many others were stranded. Every nearby hotel was full, and I did not want her leaving the airport alone.

The airport would be her refuge. Grateful for a few piled airport blankets in the empty halls, my sweet girl made a bed in a corner that she assured me was lit and safe. I promised to keep the phone by my ear. I could “only” pray, nothing more. I don’t like that. Neither of us slept much. Morning could not come fast enough.

Around 6:00 AM, a fellow McDonald’s patron warmly greeted her with, “You look like you slept here last night too”. At least she had company, and food, and a list of stand-by flights to attempt before the evening.

Once again, we tracked each flight with apps and text messages and emotion until – miraculously – she boarded the second stand-by flight and was on her way to the party!

I was thrilled to meet her at the airport with a big hug! I was also very proud of her level head, stable emotions, good attitude, and instinctive wisdom in adapting to the change of plans.

I wish I could say I always respond that well!

How do you handle changes and out-of-control situations?

YAY! It’s International Coffee Day!

Posted on September 29, 2014 by terry morgan

Photo credit: chichacha / Foter / CC BY

How I would love to sit in a cozy café and celebrate this day face-to-face with you! We could share fun stories, life struggles, and work at solving all the world’s problems. We could talk about what we are learning, how we are leading, and how we are growing and changing through our experiences and community influences.

… and we could talk about International Coffee Day!!

Many of us are enamored with coffee! (I hope you tea and juice drinkers will bear with me today!) We drink coffee in the morning to come alert; in the afternoon to keep momentum going through the day, and into the evening as dessert after a great meal. We drink coffee with family, with dear friends, with fellow students, colleagues and clients, and with new acquaintances to “break the ice”. Coffee brings comfort, memories, and energy to life!

Photo: isriya: Foter / CC BY-NC

We savor our coffee in all kinds of ways: espresso, americanos, lattes or cappuccinos; iced, decaf, instant, filter, and pressed; with and without additional flavorings and syrups, sugars, sweeteners, and creamers.

I began my coffee ~~addiction~~ habit with the strong aroma of percolating coffee daily announcing to me that morning had arrived in my childhood home. In college, I began to drink huge classes of iced, heavily and artificially sweetened coffee as I studied long into the night. I sacrificially cut back to decaf during my pregnancy and nursing years, but today I drink it black and bold and all day long.

International Coffee Day celebrates the long history of this awesome drink. Historians believe the properties of coffee beans were first discovered in Ethiopia. Coffee beans are actually the pits of the berry grown on the coffee plant. Tradition claims a 9th century goat herder noticed their stimulating effects on his goats and began experimenting. Coffee became popular in the Arab world around the 15th century, then spread to Asia, then to Italy, across Europe, finally arriving to the Americas.

Countries that celebrate International Coffee Day on September 29th include: Australia, Canada, England, Ethiopia, Hungary, Malaysia, New Zealand, Norway, Sweden, and the United States.

Where are you drinking your coffee today? How do you like your coffee?

discomfort with diversity

Posted on September 22, 2014 by terry morgan

How great is my committment to diversity? Do I give lip-service to the concept or do I live out my convictions with my attitudes and my actions?

I have been considering these challenging questions a lot in the past weeks, after reading two posts that tied diversity to discomfort. The basic premise explained that diversity will cause discomfort for me.

When I work, worship, or play with people who are different from me, they will present words, ideas and ways of doing things that are different from my personal preferences.

That might be more discussion or less than I like. More noise or less. Different music. Different flavors. Different values. More technology or less. More detail or less. Quiet work space or open collaboration. Different colors. Different styles. More emotion or less. More time together or more time alone. Spend more or spend less.

Because not everyone is like me,
if I am comfortable all the time, then others are not.

I work with diverse teams and with a great variety of people from all over the world. Each of my friends and each member of my family is different. If I truly want to invite, encourage, and empower the unique people around me, I must feel uncomfortable some of the time… and not just tolerate the discomfort, but really embrace it as a means to greater diversity.

– gender – race – age – nationality – personality – religion – family background –
– economic class – political party – experience level – strengths and weaknesses –

All of these differences can cause discomfort and even conflict… but they are the source of rich diversity at home and at work.

Photo credit: estherase / Foter / CC BY-NC-SA

Instead of having a goal to make everyone happy; we could each willingly accept unhappiness some of the time, knowing that means someone different feels satisfied.

Rather than seek my own way, I am slowly learning to become more comfortable with my discomfort and celebrate – and even intentionally seek out – diversity that challenges me.

How do you react to situations that make you uncomfortable? What do you do to embrace diversity?

one day at a time

Posted on September 15, 2014 by terry morgan

I am scheduling my calendar from now until Christmas. Lots of routine, plus two special family get-together events, which are a big deal because we all live spread out across the country. Getting us all to the same place requires a bit of advance planning… and a more-than-a-bit of money.

I am also working on my final project to complete my MA. The last hurrah to a three-year long endeavor. There are assignment deadlines. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it is still a long tunnel.

Work is ever-present, but less settled right now. Since my team focuses on serving others around the world, it is hard to commit very far ahead, and crisis like Ebola, ISIS, and international conflicts change the best of intentions.

On top of these things, my mom has decided to end her chemo treatments and begin hospice care. She is very tired and fragile, but is still mobile and mentally sharp. No one knows how much time she will have.

I have to live one day at a time.

I am keenly aware that I have to hold all the plans I make with a loosely open hand. There is no certainty that they will occur. No guarantees. Because of my mom’s condition, at any moment this Fall could easily take on a very different personality.

The truth is every day is the same – I don’t control them and they could be very different in an instant.

Only my level of awareness has changed. And my attitude.

I am more grateful for what I do receive each day – a long phone call with one of my children, fun times with friends, a walk or bike ride with my husband, a deep conversation with my mom.

I worry less on the front end, and I am more at peace with those plans that don’t turn out. I can often reschedule, plan something else, or just enjoy some time to rest rather than keep up the pace I thought I wanted.

I actually plan better and more. Because of my recognition that each day is a gift, I want to fill them well. I crave valuable experiences, efforts, communication, and relationships.

I don’t want to waste a single moment.

I am learning to more quickly let go of the anger and forgive the offense. I am trying to take the initiative to clarify misunderstandings and express appreciation and love. I want to listen well to others and encourage and empower. I am attempting to criticize less and give more generously of myself.

Isn’t it ironic that the awareness of death gives greater meaning to life?

How are you living each day?

chasing the wrong goal?

Posted on September 8, 2014 by terry morgan

I am a recovering perfectionist. Not fully cured, but getting better every day. I recently made some noticeable progress when I read about the dangers implicit in perfectionism. The article explained that when I try to be perfect, I have believed the lie that I could actually accomplish that goal. I have somehow convinced myself that, with enough hard work or practice or knowledge, I could truly eliminate all mistakes and errors in my life.

Who am I kidding?

I am never going to be perfect.

No matter how hard I try, I am not ever going to do or think or speak perfectly – not ever. To appear perfect, I need to hide my mistakes or lie about them or defensively deny them or isolate myself from anyone who might see them. ( = everyone) The perfectionism goal is very exhausting and basically impossible.

Instead of trying for perfect, maybe it makes more sense for me to become more comfortable with being imperfect. Not so surprised or shaken up or shamed by my (continual) missteps. The full acceptance of failure and fallibility would allow me to apologize more easily and offer grace more quickly to others when I see the same mistake-making reality in them.

I still want to grow and improve in certain life areas, but I have determined that growth ≠ closer to perfection. It just equals greater maturity. Maybe a bit more wisdom. Maybe a little nicer. But not closer to perfect.

It is actually a great relief to take the perfectionism burden off of my shoulders. I feel better already.

What wrong goal(s) do you chase after?

living with tension

Posted on August 25, 2014 by terry morgan

A few years ago, I wrote a post titled “how much is enough?” because I was adjusting back to the US after almost 20 years living abroad. In general, I think I have adapted well to my new life, but I still wrestle occasionally with some things.

This past week has been especially difficult.

Although I am always glad to see a philanthropic heart in action – the recently epidemic ALS Ice Bucket Challenge is one example, I can’t help but feel a tug in my heart for the ease with which we waste water… when others in the world are dying of thirst.

My husband and I went to vote yesterday. It could not have been easier: early voting options, no crowds, friendly and helpful volunteers. It is my “right” in this country – one that many even ignore or take for granted… when others in the world have no rights at all.

When I go for my run in the morning, I get to see manicured, blooming flowers and plants, wildlife, lakes and fountains, and stop at Starbucks after to celebrate my effort… while others are running for their lives because of senseless, hate-filled persecution.

I gripe and complain about inconvenience when I go for medical care (in gorgeous buildings with high-tech equipment) or deal with insurance (that pays a large % of my expenses)… while others are fighting to survive in horribly inadequate facilities.

I am almost done with my M.A. studies. It has been a blessing and a privilege to learn with a worldwide cohort… while many young girls cannot even attend elementary school.

I have more questions than answers when these tensions compete for a place in my mind, my heart, and my pocketbook. I live an incredible life while others struggle to survive. Sometimes I can freely enjoy the gifts without another thought; sometimes I feel guilty and want to DO something that will make a difference.

I pray, give more, evaluate my lifestyle, look for ways to get involved… searching for some amount of peace and reconciliation with the disparities and inequalities of life. Maybe I can encourage others to do the same. I am ok living with tension. It is the least I can do in the middle of my luxury.

Where do you experience tension? How do you handle the tensions in your life? How do you get involved to make a difference?

________________

A few possible ways to help…
(Feel free to add your favorite giving options in the comments!)

ALS (non-embryonic stem cell research) giving option here.

Options for helping to provide clean water here and here.

Helping children to grow and attend school here.

29 years and counting!

Posted on August 4, 2014 by terry morgan

Wind-blown.

Sand-blasted.

Sun-burned.

What a great way to celebrate a 29 year anniversary! It was a beautiful, relaxed afternoon on a gorgeous, almost-empty beach. A real treat…

Not all our anniversary days have been this pleasant. The wind, sand, and sun help describe our 29 years of marriage:

Wind-blown

When the winds are in your face, you have to work harder at whatever you need to do. The winds of life are the challenges, the stretching times, the growth areas, the new endeavors, the learning curves. Through the years, Steve and I have learned hard truths about ourselves and each other. Some times this required grace, other times forgiveness. We struggled with trials beyond our capacity as parents and as professionals, and we often had to lean on each other. Even when we were learning something good, it was often exhausting or stressful or hard. I am grateful for a husband who is a life-long learner – never complete, never a know-it-all, never too good for one more faith step.

Sand-blasted

Fast flying sand hurts when it hits. In 29 years of marriage, we have been hurt – by out-of-our-control circumstances, by other people, and by each other. Pain is a part of love. We protect each other from pain when we can; some times our selfishness causes the pain. I have cried for Steve, with Steve, and because of Steve… and he has wiped away my tears, and helped to give me hope again – to believe in myself, in him, in others. I would avoid pain and hurts if I could, but the resulting scars are a precious reminder of healing, redeeming love, and second chances. After 29 years, I am so thankful for a man who never gave up, never walked away, and never stopped loving me.

Sun-burned

I love sunshine! It warms my heart and soul. (I often joke that if I didn’t know the Lord, I might worship the sun!) Sunshine reminds me of the good times, the passion, and the love. OH, the fun we have had! Steve makes me laugh all the time with his silly jokes. He brings music and dancing into our life together. We have four of the coolest children (and now a son-in-law too) in this world! We have adventures – living in foreign countries, travels to the world, great friends from everywhere… and we make memories whenever we can! 29 years have given us so many good times – a faith and job that we get to do together, a family that we can never get enough time with, and a never-ending desire to keep holding hands as we walk (close) through this life together.

29 years are so worth celebrating, but they are just the beginning of what is still to come! Wind, sand, or sun, I love you, Steve Morgan, with all my heart.

_______

How do you view marriage? What helps you make it through the hard times? And enjoy the good times?

_______

**Check out Steve’s blog at: LeaderImpact

what is hospitality?

Posted on July 28, 2014 by terry morgan

Copyright Sarah Joelle Photography http://www.sarahjoellephotography.com/

People have told me that I have the gift of hospitality, but after what I read today, I am not so sure.

The word hospitality comes from the Latin hospes, meaning “host”, “guest”, or “stranger”. In some foreign or ancient cultures, the act of hospitality – welcoming strangers into the home – was necessary for survival, Today, it is often defined in Western culture simply as a warm, friendly reception for guests, involving etiquette and entertainment.

I like to have people in my home. Over the years, I have had plenty of room, extra beds or at least sleeping bags and carpet, and abundant blankets and pillows. I have had the means to buy or cook extra food. I usually knew the people who stayed with me, or at least they came recommended by others. My guests were usually clean, educated, polite, and with mostly similar values. I could easily go about my day-to-day activities, even with guests in my home.

I gave only out of my abundance.

Here are a few of the challenging quotes I read today:

“…we must continue to beg the stranger to come into our lives because in the stranger may come the only honesty and insight we can get in our plastic worlds.” (p 125)

“It is easy to give clothes to the poor but refuse to honor the ones to whom we have given the goods.” (p. 127)

Hospitality is when: “Everyone receives a warm answer – on the phone, at the door, in the office. Sarcasm has no room here. Put-downs have no room here. One-upmanship has no room here. Classism has no room here.” (p, 127-128)

“…hospitality demands the extra effort, the extra time, the extra care that stretches beyond and above the order of the day.” (p. 128)

“We have to wonder how we can help the poor at the doorstep who live thousands of miles away. Hospitality says that the problem is mine, not someone else’s. It is my door and my heart upon which these people are knocking for attention.” (p. 129)

“Real hospitality lies in bending some efforts to change things, to make a haven for the helpless, to be voice for the voiceless. We have to learn to take our own sense of home to others.” (p. 130)

“I cannot fool myself into thinking that being nice to those who are my kind and my class suffices for the moral dimensions of hospitality.” (p. 130)

“Hospitality is the way we turn a prejudiced world around, one heart at a time.” (p. 130)

“…hospitality is the willingness to be interrupted and inconvenienced…” (p. 131)

“Hospitality doesn’t exist unless we go out of ourselves for someone else at least once a day.” (p. 132)

“Hospitality is one of those things that has to be constantly practiced or it won’t be there for the rare occasion.” (p. 132)

Hospitality “is an act of the recklessly generous heart.” (p. 132)

I think you can see why I am re-evaluating my “gift” of hospitality. I have a long way to go before it could be said that I give from a “recklessly generous heart”. I have a lot to think about… and apply!

How hospitable are you? Which of these aspects of hospitality do you do well? Which ones challenge you to do better?

_________________

These challenging quotes come from the book Wisdom Distilled from the Dally, by Joan D. Chittister.

My daughter took the incredibly beautiful photograph of the table setting. Check out her amazing photography at Sarah Joelle Photography.

carrots, eggs or coffee?

Posted on July 25, 2014 by terry morgan

A modern-day parable making its rounds on social media… if you haven’t read this already, it might encourage you!

______________

A young woman went to her grandmother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as soon as she dealt with one problem, a new one would pop up.

Her grandmother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire, and soon the pots came to boil. In the first pot she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil; without saying a word. In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl.

Turning to her granddaughter, she asked, “Tell me what you see.”

“Carrots, eggs, and coffee,” she replied. Her grandmother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The grandmother then asked the granddaughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg. Finally, the grandmother asked the granddaughter to sip the coffee. The granddaughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma then asked,

“What does it mean, grandmother?”

Her grandmother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity: boiling water. Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.

“Which are you?” she asked her granddaughter.

Are you the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity, do you wilt and become soft and lose your strength?

Are you the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did you have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship, or some other trial, have you become hardened and stiff? Does your shell look the same, but on the inside are youI bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and a hardened heart?

Or are you like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, the coffee releases fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you.

~~Author Unknown

One more reason to love my coffee… a great object lesson for life!

When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?

__________
All three photographs are courtesy of morgueFile free photo archive: http://www.morguefile.com/

like a girl

Posted on July 15, 2014 by terry morgan

Procter and Gamble did an awesome commercial about moms for the Sochi olympics. They’ve done another great one with this challenging and inspiring video about the comment “like a girl”.