Category Archives: learning and leading

reach out

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What are you passionate about? Who do you care about? What is most important for them to know? How will you tell them?

I began to blog because I had been through joys and “hard knocks” along the road of life, and I wanted to share some ideas and insights that might help others as they live, learn and lead in their part of the world.

I write about team and family relationships, life and work transitions, cultures and leaders and dreams and effectiveness… and I hope I encourage, challenge, and learn from fellow leaders on their journey.

For me personally, I love to share about what I am learning and my experiences, but the most important part of my journey is my relationship with the Lord, and I hope that some of what I write causes people to think about Him.

I know there are others out there who are passionate about their faith, care deeply about their family and friends, and are on social media like me looking for opportunities to connect with others. If you’d like to use your story to give the world a glimpse of what God is like…

There is a great new book that can help with that… and it is coming out today!

Reach by Laura Krokos and Angi Pratt is a quick read, filled with great perspective, practical ideas, and guiding steps for how to use social media to care for people and have meaningful conversations.

There is a site about the book: http://www.reachebook.com/ and you can order from Barnes & Noble or Amazon or download a PDF copy. Today, Friday November 2, Reach is available for only $2.99 (normal price $4.99).

.. and I will give away a FREE copy of Reach at the end of next week (Saturday, Nov 11), by a random selection of any who leave a comment on this post! 🙂

It is a privilege for me to connect my story with your story through this blog.

Who do you connect with? How do you share your story with others?

life paradox

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Do you ever feel like life doesn’t make sense?
Or that your best efforts backfire against you?
Or you want to do something, but others view it as nonsense?
The Merriam Webster dictionary describes
these situations as a paradox.

Definition of PARADOX noun \ˈper-ə-ˌdäks, ˈpa-rə-\

  1. a tenet contrary to received opinion
  2. a statement that is seemingly contradictory or opposed to common sense and yet is perhaps true
  3. one (as a person, situation, or action) having seemingly contradictory qualities or phases

Someone who understands paradoxes is Kent M. Keith. He wrote the following list in 1968 and has given me permission to share this classic with you. I hope you will find understanding, empathy, and encouragement in his words; I certainly did.

The Paradoxical Commandments 

1. People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered. Love them anyway.

2. If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives. Do good anyway.

3. If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies. Succeed anyway.

4. The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.

5. Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable. Be honest and frank anyway.

6. The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds. Think big anyway.

7. People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs. Fight for a few underdogs anyway.

8. What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight. Build anyway.

9. People really need help but may attack you if you do help them. Help people anyway.

10. Give the world the best you have and you’ll get kicked in the teeth. Give the world the best you have anyway.

© Copyright Kent M. Keith 1968, renewed 2001

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Do you face any paradox in your life? What do you think of this list? 

**More information about The Paradoxical Commandments and Kent Keith’s book, The Silent Revolution: Dynamic Leadership in the Student Council, is available at www.paradoxicalcommandments.com.

make every day count

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Just a few days ago, a man was killed while out riding his bike. It was a beautiful lazy Sunday afternoon in a quiet suburb not too far from the park. He was in good shape, happily married, father to three almost-grown sons. An 18-year-old boy made a foolish choice to drive under drug influence, and in a moment, a good man was gone.

Life is just a breath.

I am shaken by this man’s early home-going… I’m sure he was planning on many more years of work and play. He was taking care of himself. I’m sure his wife did not imagine living the rest of her life alone without him. Such unexpected, painful change! I pray for her, hoping that she has no regrets of their last days, weeks, years together.

And I realize that is it worth repeating… live every day as if it is the last! Don’t put off until tomorrow the good things I can do today, because I may never have tomorrow. Seize the day! Live well. Make every day count!

Say “I love you”. Forgive. Listen well. Rest. Play. Call the family.
Start to exercise. Pray. Smell the flowers. Read. Give a hug. Dance. Sing.
Enjoy a gooey dessert. Say “thank you”.  Cry with a friend.
Light a candle. Help someone. Rock a baby. Laugh out loud.

Have no regrets.

I need to hear this reminder every day.

How about you? How do you make every day count?

blind spots

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Traveling down the highway the other day, we saw many people texting or talking on their phone as they drove. Their speed was erratic, and they were constantly swerving from one lane to another. I felt nervous and in danger anywhere close to them, I and encouraged my husband to put some distance between us as quickly as possible.

It came to my mind that this dangerous behavior is very obvious to others, although the texting-driver may mistakenly think they have everything under control. From behind, we watch the unintentional lane changes and make adjustments for their inconsistent speed. When we pass along the right – because they are usually blocking the passing lane – we have never been wrong in our initial hypothesis as to the cause of their erratic driving. They are often so intent on their communication that they do not look up or even notice as we pass by.

Blind Spots  = obvious to everyone except me

I can have blind spots in many areas of my life. I am often so busy with my own tasks and concerns that I am completely unaware of how my attitudes and behavior are affecting others. I hate to think of how often a family member has to move out of my way for their own protection, or how often a co-worker has to make adjustments for my erratic actions.  I don’t want to be a danger to others. 

One tool we use in our organization is the 360° review; a feedback survey process that allows those around me – supervisor/director, co-workers, direct reports – to let me know how I am doing in my leadership. Their confidential responses are correlated with my self-assessment answers, and a trained feedback facilitator communicates the information during a personal appointment. The feedback confirms obvious strength and weakness areas, encourages strengths (those others saw, but I didn’t mention), and warns me about the dreaded blind spots.

The first time I went through a 360° review, it was one of the hardest things I had ever done. I felt clobbered by the negative comments and had a hard time recognizing the positive. I had a great facilitator at the time, and I have since come to greatly appreciate the process. I know that when I invite truthful feedback in my life, I grow in humility and I increase my abilities to work productively and serve others well.

I can hear truth from others in a formal 360° review or simply in vulnerable conversations with friends, family and mentors. It is one of the most important things I can do to ensure that I am a safe person, considerate of others, and aware of my impact… less blind spots! 

Have can you invite someone to give you honest feedback about your blind spots? 

looking in the wrong place

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I want to do something worthwhile, valuable, important. I want to leave a legacy. In an earlier post, I wrote about my discouragement and concern that I hadn’t left the culture change legacy that I wanted in the organization. Over time, the organization took on a different look, a different personality, and I felt like a failure…
Where was the legacy?

The other day, I was processing this struggle with my husband. The more we talked, the more I came to realize that I was looking for the legacy in the wrong place. I wanted an environment, procedures, and structures to display our influence after we were gone.

I think now that the organization simply provided the “front” for the work we wanted to do; it would not be my source of legacy. I believe I find my legacy in the people I worked for and worked with, in the changed lives – nurtured, grown, changed, empowered, hope-filled… in the environment we built to work from.

Perhaps the “temporary” place we created was never intended to last forever – maybe we built it as much for us as for others. It served an important purpose for a time. It provided a context for us to work out our calling… while we were there.

I am not really very concerned about turning organizations around. I do want to bring a positive influence, and I do hope to lay a path that makes it easier for others to follow. I think that I am more passionate about turning lives around. And that, thankfully, I did get to do from my leadership position.

Some of those changed lives will lead to generations of change. Many will use their influence to create and multiply environments where others can grow. Their changed lives mean changed families and changed businesses, and contribute to changed cities… and eventually a changed world! I feel more encouraged with my search… maybe my legacy is not so quickly and easily visible, but it is definitely a legacy that was worth the effort.

Where do you want to leave a legacy? Are you looking in the right place?

a teenage advocate

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Today the world is praying for a teenage advocate. Malala Yousafzai became famous a few years ago when, as an 11-year-old girl, she wrote a diary/blog about her battle to attend school in Taliban controlled Pakistan. She wrote under a pseudonym at first for safety, but became internationally known a few years later when the Taliban fell from power, and she was nominated for the International Children’s Peace Prize in 2011. Just two days ago, she was shot in the head by fanatics who do not agree that girls have a right to education and a right to speak out about injustice.

This is a heartbreaking, gut-wrenching, infuriating wrong in our world today. I have not personally experienced anything like this kind of persecution for being a woman, but this is not one isolated case. There is way too much of this degradation, abuse, limitation, and violence against women and girls in our world today. I cannot ignore it.

Neither can I ignore or tolerate the “lesser” injustices of unfair treatment, off-color jokes, disrespect or lack of opportunities for women that I do encounter on a regular basis. I believe that those attitudes and actions reflect an incomplete understanding of the urgent and severe situation for women in the world. Rather than “laugh it off” or excuse it as unintended, culturally accepted, or not-so-bad, I believe that each of these situations is an important opportunity to educate, mobilize, and empower a society to correct the wrong and the sin in our world.

Malala needs our prayers today. We all need God’s help to do what is right. We need to encourage each other in our God-given value and our God-given purpose on the earth for good. May we join together, men and women, to protect our children from harm, educate and develop the talents and gifts He has given us, and work together to fulfill His good purposes in our world today.

What can you do as an advocate today?

working against the tide

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Do you ever feel like you are “swimming up-stream”? Have you sensed that the door you hold open has a strong tension-spring that will slam it shut as soon as you let go? Have you ever felt like your hard work and passions are like a sand castle that is completely washed away when the tide comes in?

I have been struggling a lot with those kind of feelings the last few weeks. In a past leadership position, I gave my best effort to bring about a culture change that I believed in strongly. Some of what we encouraged was team leadership, women valued and developed equally with the men, integrity in character and finances, and a willingness to honestly evaluate results.

Together with my husband, I tried to lead by example; brought in resources and training; honored those co-workers who demonstrated the values we cherished, and celebrated the environment and growth that resulted from our efforts. It was hard work, there was resistance and personal attack, and we paid a price physically, emotionally, and relationally.

We were also incredibly blessed with encouragement and support from partners, mentors, and the thrill of changed lives. At the time, I thought the dream of healthy relationships and a healthy organization was worth the pain.

Sadly, today looking back on that time, I question more… so much of what we “built” is gone. Many things are different; environment, people, results… I wonder, did my hard work really accomplish anything? Was the up-hill climb good for only short-term, superficial change?

I have learned a lot about working as a leader. Now I need to learn about letting go. I need to live with the tension between desire for a legacy… and contentment with having given my best when it was my turn.

Do you have any tips for me? What do you do when your hard work is washed away?

just for fun… from a coffee fan

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Which profession drinks the most coffee?

Thanks to Dunkin’ Donuts for this graphic! You can read the full article here!

How much coffee do you drink? 

know your strengths

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This week, I had an opportunity to work through various assessments that help identify my abilities. Myers Briggs (ESTJ), StrengthsFinder (Achiever, Learner, Input, Focus, Relator or Includer), Birkman, DISC (high I), SHAPE, and Spiritual Gift tests are just some of the resources available for greater personal awareness. They are also helpful for analyzing group or team dynamics. I appreciate these tools for continual growth.

Do you know what your strengths are?

I have been through many of these assessments through the years; some of the tests have been re-taken with very similar results each time. The atmosphere was not always the same however. In some past occasions, the profile results felt like a curse; they brought judgement and accusation from team members; they gave credence to team conflict but no hope. This time, it was encouraging to look at the results, fun to compare with my team, helpful to consider how we can work together and compliment each other on projects and tasks. I think I have matured over the years and can accept myself and appreciate others more.

Have you ever been misunderstood or criticized because of your strengths? Do you appreciate the differences in others?

The facilitator this week offered this encouragement; she explained that the profile was similar to one spoke of an umbrella, helpful to support understanding, but unable to offer a complete framework of identity. Although it is useful to know my strength areas, I may sometimes be called to work out of my weak areas also. My attitude and flexibility when that happens say a lot about me (my character) also. And while building on my strengths is strategic, I cannot neglect my weak areas or use them to excuse irresponsibility or lack of results.

What are you doing to develop your strengths? Are you aware of your weak areas and their effect on others?

I have found it really helpful to have a coach or mentor who helps me develop a plan to build my strengths. I choose one or two strong areas for further growth and one weak area. Next, I identify specific things that I can do to work on those areas. Sometimes it is helpful to consider any root causes that may have influence. My coach reviews my plan, checking to see that it is realistic, and then meets regularly with me to check on my progress, offer tips/advice, and encourage me. Those coaching appointments give me accountability and impetus to move ahead with my plan.

Do you have a coach or a mentor? Do you have a plan for personal development?

If you have any questions about this, please let me know. I believe that it is important to know and work out of our strengths – we have more joy and productivity in our life… and offer more grace and appreciation to others!

warning signs

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Traveling through New Mexico, we stopped at a rest stop, and we were immediately on our guard, thanks to the “Beware of Rattlesnakes!”  warning sign posted nearby.

At my new job here in Orlando, each day I pass by this “Caution Gators!” warning sign, and I walk by with a much more alert peripheral vision.

There are many different dangers present depending on the place… depending on the circumstances… depending on the person.

A warning sign increases my awareness of a potential threat, and it often causes me to change my behavior in order to avoid injury or damage.

Most often when I think about warnings, I am concerned about external threats to my safety, but when I thought about those signs this week, I realized that there are plenty of dangers that threaten my internal well-being also… threats against inner peace, productivity, and healthy relationships… and I can learn to read the warning signs for those dangers too.

One of the strongest warning signs I have learned to read in my life is resentment. I am usually high energy and highly extroverted. If I begin to resent requests for help, interruptions in my day, or changes to my schedule, I recognize that I am in “danger” due to physical tiredness, over booking my agenda, or lack of boundaries in my relationships.

Another warning sign for me is impatience. I enjoy coaching and mentoring, so when I would rather do it myself than allow someone else to learn, or when I can’t give grace to someone who doesn’t have my same experience or skill level, my impatience is a warning sign of “danger” in my heart attitudes. I am pride-filled and too focused on myself rather than on the long-term benefits of developing others.

A critical spirit is another warning sign for me. When I am aware that I am only complaining about the negative in situations or the weaknesses in other people, that is a clear warning to me that stress or fear is threatening my usual optimism and my relationships.

These are just a few of the warning signs that indicate threats to my personal peace and healthy relationships. When these warning signs appear in my life, I am learning to evaluate which threats are present and then change my behavior so that I don’t cause injury or damage somewhere!

I’m sure you can think of many others! What are some of the warning signs in your life?