April | 2023 | maturitas cafe

I am preparing to walk a section of the Camino de Santiago in Spain in a few weeks. My husband and I are walking many miles each week as part of our physical endurance preparation. We are also reading “The Way is Made By Walking,” by Arthur Paul Boers, as part of our heart preparation.

The book is written by a fellow Camino pilgrim. I am a few chapters in, and the author has drawn me in with his stories and reflections. Today, in one of the chapters, he shared the Christian roots of pilgrimage and the traditions of many who traveled before us. These words challenged me and encouraged me.

God is a moving target… We need constantly to look for — and stay on the move for — God. This search keeps us unsettled. Deity is not easily tied down. Biblical faith is wary of confining divine presence too closely to one place or building, land or sactuaary, race or nation. Faithful people are repeatedly and providentially called to go elsewhere, be displaced and meet –even be — strangers, all in order to encounter our Creator more fully.

I have often felt that God is a moving target, and I have felt unsettled. But my seeking journeys, whether geographical or at a soul level, have led to personal growth and a closer connection with Him. When I step out of my comfort zone and when I am honest about questions, doubts, and disappointments from unanswered prayers, I always sense Him still walking beside me, present with me, lovingly and compassionately inviting me to continue on with Him.

Walking involves straining on the hills, stumbling over rocks, sloshing, and sliding through water and mud. It also includes warm sunbeams filtered through cool shade trees, sweet-scented blooms, and the serenade of the birds’ song in the high-above branches.

Our faith walk is similar – unknowns, challenges, discoveries, and joys. Following Jesus, one day – one step – at a time. It is ok to be unsettled. It is ok to feel displaced. This is a life-long journey. Let’s keep walking.

How has your journey been going?

En español:

Me estoy preparando para caminar un tramo del Camino de Santiago en España en unas semanas. Mi esposo y yo caminamos muchas millas cada semana como parte de nuestra preparación de resistencia física. También estamos leyendo “El camino se hace caminando”, de Arthur Paul Boers, como parte de la preparación de nuestro corazón.

El libro está escrito por un compañero peregrino del Camino. Llevo algunos capítulos y el autor me ha atraído con sus historias y reflexiones. Hoy, en uno de los capítulos, compartió las raíces cristianas de la peregrinación y las tradiciones de muchos que viajaron antes que nosotros. Estas palabras me desafiaron y me alentaron.

Dios es un blanco en movimiento… Necesitamos buscar constantemente a Dios y mantenernos en movimiento. Esta búsqueda nos mantiene inquietos. La deidad no se ata fácilmente. La fe bíblica tiene cuidado de limitar demasiado la presencia divina a un lugar o edificio, tierra o santuario, raza o nación. Los fieles son llamados repetida y providencialmente a ir a otros lugares, ser desplazados y encontrarse, incluso ser, extranjeros, todo para encontrar más plenamente a nuestro Creador.

A menudo he sentido que Dios es un blanco en movimiento y me he sentido inquieto. Pero mis viajes de búsqueda, ya sean geográficos o a nivel del alma, me han llevado al crecimiento personal y a una conexión más cercana con Él. Cuando salgo de mi zona de confort y cuando soy honesta acerca de las preguntas, dudas y desilusiones de las oraciones sin respuesta, siempre lo siento caminando a mi lado, presente conmigo, invitándome amorosa y compasivamente a continuar con Él.

Caminar implica esforzarse en las colinas, tropezar con las rocas, chapotear y deslizarse por el agua y el barro. También incluye cálidos rayos de sol filtrados a través de la fresca sombra de los árboles, flores de dulce aroma y la serenata del canto de los pájaros en las ramas altas.

Nuestro camino de fe es similar: cosas desconocidas, desafíos, descubrimientos y alegrías. Siguiendo a Jesús, cada día, un paso a la vez. Está bien estar inquieto. Está bien sentirse desplazado. Este es un viaje de toda la vida. Sigamos caminando.

¿Cómo ha ido tu viaje?

I like to do everything “right.” I like to have it together – no matter what I might be doing. I like to think I can figure out or do just about anything. I want everyone to be happy.

You can see where this is leading, can’t you?

I’m not sure why it is so hard for me to see it…

I struggle with being imperfect, messing up, arriving late, and hurting others. I’m frustrated when I know I’m not good at something. And I’m miserable when I feel that I’ve let others down.

That’s not a good way to live – because those things happen all the time.

I am a broken, imperfect person.

We all are.

Imperfection is not such a bad thing – or so they say. Imperfection simply means that we are like everyone else. We need each other. And we need Jesus.

It also means that I need to learn to say that I am sorry (I’m still working on that), that I don’t know, or that something will have to wait. It means I need to give grace to myself, accept that I’m not great at everything, and ask for help from others.

Sometimes, there are things I can work on and improve. Other times, I need to admit the weak areas and ensure others help fill in my gaps.

And when I learn to do those things, I can give more grace and acceptance to others when their imperfections and brokenness inevitably affect me.

Right now, I feel a bit frustrated that I continue to be frustrated with this issue. This is not a new discovery for me. I have been in this battle against perfectionism for a long time. It just happened to noticeably raise its ugly head again recently.

That is part of the battle – that crazy-maker, relentless longing that holds on to that tiniest impossible delusion that I can actually beat this thing and get “better.”

And so, here I am – sharing my brokenness with you – hoping you might join me in this journey, acknowledge and embrace your brokenness – and give yourself grace. Maybe you will even accept my brokenness if it happens to bump up against yours occasionally.

May we give lots of grace to ourselves and each other.

How do you typically deal with your brokenness?

Image – Kintsugi pottery – A broken piece made more beautiful and valuable by filling the cracks with gold. (Credit: riho-kitagawa-JuDPjcutors-unsplash)