Father’s Day | maturitas cafe

(**My father died a while back now. I miss him. This idea of a tribute means even more to me now. Maybe this is the year for you…)

My Dad is suffering from Parkinson’s and Dementia. It has been so very hard for my family to watch our strong, athletic, intelligent, independent father decline to the place where he needs constant assistance living in a memory care facility.

It is hard for me to live far away and not be able to help much. It is much harder for my sisters who live nearby to visit and care for him regularly.

My Dad struggles with some delusions and confusion. He knows who I am still – I am grateful for that – but he cannot consistently remember the day, time, or what he did just a few hours ago.

On this Father’s Day, I am especially grateful that – years ago – I wrote out a tribute for him. I’m not sure he could understand it today – but He did when I gave it to him.

I encourage you to write a tribute for your father – especially if he can still appreciate it. He may not be, or have been, a perfect father, but I can tell you that the process of writing and giving him your tribute will be a healing and honoring experience for both of you.

I am attaching a copy of my tribute as an example for you to get you started.

How have you honored your father? What are your Father’s Day traditions?

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Happy Father’s Day, Dad. I send you much love across the miles. I wish I could be with you today, but you are in my heart. ❤️

I also recommend Leslie Leyland Fields’ post and book to you if you are attempting to love or forgive an imperfect father.

(**I now celebrate Father’s Day without my dad. He died on August 17, 2018. I’m missing him today.)

Celebrating Father’s Day is kind of a “mixed bag” for me.

I had a good dad growing up… can’t say a great dad… but a good dad. Unlike many others, he was physically present in our home – a powerful presence. He was an Air Force helicopter pilot: authoritative, argumentative, and alcoholic. We drilled the states’ capitals at dinner, stood at attention for room inspections, and felt guilty if he found us watching TV during the day instead of pulling weeds in the yard.

I have a strong work ethic, a tendency to criticize, and a strong character because of my Dad. I am thankful that he also gave me a desire for physical fitness, a love for travel and the outdoors, an appreciation for classical music, and the ability to believe in myself. He often said, “If you want it done right, you have to do it yourself.” When I asked his opinion regarding a few key life decisions, he said, “I wouldn’t ever do that, but that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t.”

My Dad did not build many deep relationships – contributing to my parents’ divorce after 25 years. He has rarely shared dreams, concerns, or any deep emotions with others. I don’t believe he understands a personal faith with God, and I think that causes him fear about dying. His health is deteriorating, compounded by the effects of a life-long alcohol addiction.

When Father’s Day comes along, I choose to honor him for all the good he brought into my life… and I choose to forgive him for the non-existent affection and communication that I longed for in our relationship. I thank him for loving me and supporting me in his own way, and I release him from the unmet wishes that he be sober, neat, and without favoritism.

I am very grateful for the ability to build on my past – but not be enslaved to it. My husband and I leaned heavily on the hope that we would create a different kind of home and family than I grew up in… including the good, but adding new elements of our own choosing as well. I know some of you had much more difficult experiences with your fathers… or never really knew them. Others had great Dads. Our families are part of us… but they are no excuse for poor habits or choices… or lack of forgiveness – there is always hope because of a perfect heavenly Father who can help us move forward and create a better future.

So, Happy Father’s Day, Dad. I love you as you are. I am praying for you.

What was your Dad like? How do you celebrate Father’s Day?

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**I recommend Leslie Leyland Fields’ post and book to you if you are attempting to love or forgive an imperfect father.